[Scaredtoleave]

I am so tired.

Tired of arguing, making excuses up for our relationship. I have been emotionally abused for 12 years now. I am in therapy he went twice and always has an excuse. I tried, tried and obviously tried again and again. I am done. I have 4 kids and I am done. I need to get my self together and do what is right for them and me. I feel so bad I waited so long, but I am scared and alone. The people I did have are now deceased MOM and DAD. How can I still love him but then I think? How can I love him? If I don't love my self?

I need help learning to love my self, love my children better because I love them more then anything in the world. Most of all we all need a confidence booster. I am still afraid not of him hurting me but I don't know what. He was always there in a manipulative way. He helped when I needed him the most. Unless I broke up with him.

He is a hermit, he don't hit on us. Just angry, bitter and controlling.

I need hints, tips and words of encouragement that I can carry with me... Please help.

Thank you...

[Pollon]

As hard as it is to leave, once you are free you will feel great. Go for it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Bascially you know the answer.

LOVE YOURSELF.

And, from that, and the love of your children, you will not be frightened of anything, you will not accept anything that is not what you want out of life, or "type" .

A manipulative person who is emotionally abusive and controlling, will bring you down to their level to keep you... Making you lose your identity / friends... So you feel like nothing and know no-one.

Start finding out what you like about yourself, life in general, what the kids would like and start living.

Buy yourself something nice, or change the colour of your hair or paint your nails.

It's time to be all woman, your own woman... And, the woman for you and for your children.

As for him? We love sometimes just because we want to be loved.

Yet, if we love ourselves, only people that can embrase that enter our lives.

[rcoreyus]

An emotional abuser looses a lot of their power when you realize that they are an abuser, an enemy, someone out to cause you harm, not to help you. When you realize that they will make up anything to be hurtful. When you realize that their opinion of you is simply not important.

An abuser will try to isloate you from friends and family - so make friends, contact family. He has no right to ask who you are talking to, or where you have been. If he EVER escalates to physical abuse call the police, press charges. This is not someone who made a mistake in sudden anger, this is someone with a pattern of abuse.

[amy37]

A tip in loving yourself,

See yourself through the eyes of your children, see how much they love and need you.

Best wishes.