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I've become someone I hate

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  • I've become someone I hate

    I dated my ex for almost a year but decided I needed some time off the relationship to think about how I really felt. During the relationship, I really gave it my all, but he wasn't putting in as much effort as I was. He continually made me feel really bad, as if I didn't mean anything, he'd party and didn't even bother to ask me on a date for approx. 4 1/2 months. So I took the initiative sometimes to only hear an "I can't" in return. I agree I used to argue a lot but it was because of how I was feeling, like nothing. So I broke it off a couple weeks ago telling him I needed some time and this other guy started texting me, my ex found out about this and keeps blaming me that I cheated, which is wrong. I never kissed nor had sex with this guy, neither did I meet up with him. Can I be blamed of cheating? My ex says I'm a "cheater". I feel terrible. I don't even know why I texted the other guy back, but he made me feel wanted, my ex didn't make me feel that way. I know I've made a mistake. How can I move on?

  • Pardon my lack of tact here, but your ex is a douche who took you for granted and then got salty when he realized you moved on to someone else/better.

    Don't hate yourself. This is natural. Your ex was treating you poorly, and made the CORRECT decision to leave the relationship. There is nothing wrong with anything that you did here. I don't know how anyone could accuse you of making a mistake in this situation as you've presented it. The only mistake I can see here is you're taking your ex-boyfriend's opinions far too seriously. His opinion doesn't matter anymore, he's your EX. Keep it that way..


    • Problem is he thinks I broke up with him to hook up with this other guy, which is not the case. He believes I cheated during the relationship as well. These accusations have really hurt me really bad, considering all the efforts I made while we were together.


      • You really shouldn't care what your ex thinks.
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


        • His method of control is to make you feel bad and he is continuing the pattern. You are still attempting to get some positive affirmation from your ex. You worked very hard to get your ex to give you the attention you needed. Yet he didn't do it. He is not capable of giving it.

          Your desire for him to believe you were faithful is a continuation of the same pattern you had in the relationship. You constantly trying to get something positive out of him while he constantly withholds it.

          As hard as it is, let him go and forget about what he thinks of you. Cut contact or he will play on your desire to prove yourself worthy. You are worthy, so find someone who already thinks you are.

          Good luck


          • No he doesn't think this at all, after 1 year, he knows that he got to do what ever he wanted, when he wanted, and that you remained faithful and with him.. Whilst I bet, he cheated...

            Guys don't like to lose, OMG you left him How dare you, what?

            The reason why you texted that guy is that you were sick and tired of feeling un-loved, un-wanted even though you gave your all... You got attention and you liked it and so you should have.

            Be ascertive. LAUGH if he says anything again or spreads those rumors. "Babe, to get a date out of you was like pulling teeth... whilst you partied, with God knows who, and slept with God knows who, whilst the little woman waited, guess what? I'm going forward from here, you, carry on"...... He will not know what hit him... All of a sudden you have "balls"
            and he got caught out of his game playing....

            Look I'm sorry, we all fall for it... You know? Where we do anything to make a guy realise what he has only to end up being either abused, used, or both.... Why? Because we FORGET who we are, and that we are NOT going to take that carp.

            Learn from this, get angry, get real, don't waste time on anyone again that is like this with you, you are worth EVERYTHING and more.... Stand tall and own it, know it... If someone does not give back? Walk away....

            You will go from strength to strength from this and the next guy, watch out, because you will know how to walk instead of thinking if I do this, do that, they will treat me right.... No, if you stand up for yourself and don't take it, they will or they will move on to someone who will take it...until they can't take it anymore....

            Take care.


            • You were not married, you were dating and that does not imply a permanent commitment.. When you are dating you have a right to stop seeing the other person for any reason you wish. ANY REASON. From my point of view, your only commitment when dating is to be honest with the other person, and if you do decide to leave, do to so in as kind a way as you can manage.

              Even if you were married you would still have a right to leave any time you wanted, but you would be under some moral obligation to at least try to see if there were a way to make things work.

              Even if he were an angel, you did absolutely nothing wrong. It sounds like he was not in any way good for you, so you did the right thing. Ignore him - what he thinks about you doesn't matter.


              • I think your ex is a ********, he doesn't care about how you feel but feels the need to call you a cheater when you get a simple text message from some random guy. Also, why do you care what he tells you? Move on!



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