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My relationship is going down the hill, please help.

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  • My relationship is going down the hill, please help.

    My fiance and i have been together for 4 years now hes turning 22 and i just turned 21 not long ago and we have a 2 year old daughter, he bought us a house 8 months ago and he never put my name on anything or on any of the bills, everything is in his name and his parents name i've wanted to find a job to help out ever since our daughter was born but he told me to just stay home with her and that he will take care of everything.
    At first i didn't mind so much because I liked the fact that I get to raise our daughter and spend lots of time with her but now I really need to get something going for myself, he told me that we can't afford a loan so i wasnt able to go to school until this year and I will be starting school this september because i refuse to wait any longer, and i get my license in october so i need to make some money to buy a car and pay for drivers ed which is very pricy. he says he can take care of it all, doesnt want me working right now...
    whenever i need money i have to ask him because he locks it in a safe in the spare bedroom or hides it around the house, he never ever helps me clean the house, he never cooks for us, he never brings me home flowers or anything romantic like that since we first got together, we don't have much in common anymore, and we argue all the time. He over powers me when we argue too because i for some reason can't say everything i want to say thats in my head so nothing really gets resolved no matter how many times i try to tell him whats bothering me.
    He comes and goes as he pleases, constantly on the go with his friends out at the shooting range or in the shop next door (he works for his parents and they live next door, which is also a strain on our relationship) whenever its time to take me and my daughter somewhere he imeditaly gets stressed and ****ed off throws a huge fit and makes me cry or upset right before we leave or while we are in the truck almost everytime but if its him and his friends hes totally fine and gets up on time to go hang out with them or help them out. we never have sex anymore and he always asks why its so important to me?... umm youre a guy and youre seriously asking me that question? somethings not right.
    i do love him but most of that love has turned into anger im just angry and miserable all the time and want to kill him most days because of the snarky comments and attitude he gives me and then asks me whats wrong right after being a douche bag. all he wants to do is sit on the couch and play his video games when he gets home if we have to go somewhere its such a big deal and he doesnt want to do it, and he told me himself that he doesn't like doing anything or going anywhere and he doesnt like to deal with people but he will do it if it makes me happy....??? ok....? he never used to be this way he used to be so much fun and so charming. this has been going on for sooooo long and i really dont know what to do anymore im so lost.... please help.
    Last edited by JeannaK; 04-12-2013, 01:06 PM.

  • I'm sorry, I really am, but this man is an abuser. He limits your control over your life (hides the money, doesn't want you to get a job, have a car, get an education). He abuses you emotionally until you want to cry. He refuses you sex - and I bet he is getting it somewhere else. He wants you do do all the chores. He acts like he is doing some great favor by just being normally social.

    I know he is the father of your child, and this seems impossible, but LEAVE. Leave now before the abuse becomes physical, before he starts using your daughter as leverage because he will. I'm not normally so definite but this fits the pattern of abuse so completely. You were young when you started dating so you don't have the experience to know that this isn't normal. This is not what love is like.


    • I know when you really love someone you want to have their babies, my BFF's first boyfriend she'd been with for a year and a half and he wanted to have kids, She did as well but refused him. A few months later he changed too and became a lot like your fiance. She moved in with me and my husband and I tried my best to sympathise with her. Be careful in the future, it's hard though because you have to be with someone for years before you really know them and vice-versa. I'd confront him or write him a letter and if he still treats you like that, I know it's hard but then leave him. He doesn't deserve you. You sound like a beautiful intelligent mother who deserves someone on par with you!


      • I am sorry to know you are in that tough situation. I've experience being in that situation before. Probably, your fiance is taking you for granted because you know you cannot afford to leave him. You better find a job and make a stand for yourself rather than devote your whole self to him and he is treating you like a trash.


        • It sounds like he's isolating you, if you had a car and a license it gives you the freedom to come and go. Maybe he does not like that. That's ridiculous that he is not supporting you in your plans to go to school and wanting to get a license. He should welcome the fact that you want to make something of yourself not be against it. He's not being supportive or fair to you. The fact that he leaves to hang out with his friends when ever he wants is wrong as well. He's a father now, his fatherly duties and you are first above anything, hanging out with the guys is fine once and a while. But being a dad and a husband come first. I'd confront him about your sex life as well try to say things from a neutral stand point so he does not blow his top and yell. A guy not wanting sex from his fiance? Guys never turn down sex no matter where or what time of day I would investigate and do some prying there. Hang in there.



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