[blueyed21]

Okay here's the story: Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 2 years now and we have lived together for about 9 months. He got a job offer to move across country for 2 years to be making 5 times what he was making here. He is already there and has been for about 2 weeks. I am suppose to be moving out there after the 1st of the year, but this 2 months without seeing him is going to be hell. I already miss him so much, but we decided to do this to give him time to get used to his schedule and save up some money and to make sure he's going to like it! But I talk to him every now and then and just the yesterday he told me that he doesn't want me to move out there now b/c he knows I won't like it; I don't know if that's just an excuse for me not to move out there or if he really thinks that. It kind of feels like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Not that I don't trust him but it's going to be hard not being with him when he's so far away. I mean if he loves me like he says he does, then why wouldn't he want me there, I don't care where I live as long as I'm with him. So I asked him if he really wants to be with me b/c he wasn't acting like he wanted to. And when I threatened to pack all of his stuff up and break our lease in our apartment he quickly gave me another excuse and said "well babe I just want to see if I can get an apartment here first by myself before you come out here." when just seconds before he was telling me that he didn't want me to come out there at all..?? I'm just confused, I told him that i can't do long distance relationships and that when I'm "with" someone, I'm "with" them not over a thousand miles from them. He is the love of my life and I don't want to lose him. What should I do? Should I leave him and move on with my life(which would be the hardest thing to do) or should I wait it out and see how things work out?!? Please help me, I need some advice!!

[mr.mansview]

i think the original idea of waiting 2 months to see if he likes the job and saves up some money was a good idea..sounds like you are trying to force the issue before he is ready..i don't understand why he told you not to come out there now because you would not like it..sounds some what suspicious: why didn't he just tell you to stick to the original agreement to see if in fact he is going to like the job enough to stay there..wait until january, if he makes excuses then, then there is something he is hiding..good luck..

[blueyed21]

No...he was talking about when I get ready to come out there in January, b/c I had told him to let me know when he thinks I should give my 2 weeks notice and then that's when he started on the whole "you wouldn't like it here" thing. It almost sorta feels like he's using me (which is what I mean by having his cake and eating it too) b/c I still have an apartment that I didn't want to keep in the first place but he wanted me to b/c he's still gonna pay rent with me and he wants a place to keep his stuff until he comes back to move it all. And did I mention I work at a bank...so he just calls me when he needs info on his account. But I don't know what to do. I'll just wait and see what happens.

[sourpuss]

Wait out the two months and just see how things pan out. Don't get to worked up and suspicious or you'll drive yourself (and your boyfriend) crazy.

[mr.mansview]

sorry i obviously missunderstood..i still say wait the 2 months and then go there..YOU decide if you do not like it there at that time..however if it means giving up your job? could you get a 3 or 4 week leave of absence from your job to go there..if it does not work out there at least you have a job to come back to..

[JubesInquest]

Okay here's the story: Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 2 years now and we have lived together for about 9 months. He got a job offer to move across country for 2 years to be making 5 times what he was making here. He is already there and has been for about 2 weeks. I am suppose to be moving out there after the 1st of the year, but this 2 months without seeing him is going to be hell. I already miss him so much, but we decided to do this to give him time to get used to his schedule and save up some money and to make sure he's going to like it! But I talk to him every now and then and just the yesterday he told me that he doesn't want me to move out there now b/c he knows I won't like it; I don't know if that's just an excuse for me not to move out there or if he really thinks that. It kind of feels like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Not that I don't trust him but it's going to be hard not being with him when he's so far away. I mean if he loves me like he says he does, then why wouldn't he want me there, I don't care where I live as long as I'm with him. So I asked him if he really wants to be with me b/c he wasn't acting like he wanted to. And when I threatened to pack all of his stuff up and break our lease in our apartment he quickly gave me another excuse and said "well babe I just want to see if I can get an apartment here first by myself before you come out here." when just seconds before he was telling me that he didn't want me to come out there at all..?? I'm just confused, I told him that i can't do long distance relationships and that when I'm "with" someone, I'm "with" them not over a thousand miles from them. He is the love of my life and I don't want to lose him. What should I do? Should I leave him and move on with my life(which would be the hardest thing to do) or should I wait it out and see how things work out?!? Please help me, I need some advice!!

Well, it could be a harmless summation on his part... but it does look "suspicious", as Doc mentioned, because he "flip-flopped" on what he said.

Did you ever get to ask him what made him think you wouldn't like it out there where he is? Did he offer any details that would cause him to believe you wouldn't like it?
Maybe the next time you time you talk to him, ask him what made him think you wouldn't like it out there?

Depending on his answer and how comfortable you are with it, hold on to the next couple of months and see how things work out.
Take this one step at a time.

[blueyed21]

Thanks guys! He called me last night and he's acting like he misses me so hopefully everything will work out. Maybe he was just saying that because he's been really stressed latley and has been working long hours. I guess I'll just wait it out and see what happens.