[micachu]

I have a boyfriend for 7 years now.....He is my first love and i met him when i was like 16 years old....i really love him, he is the perfect boyfriend, caring, have a great sense of humor, smart and positive person in general.
But we have a lot of different personalities, i'm really tidy person, and he is the complete opposite, i love art he likes sports.....and so on...
And in all these differences we really have a great understanding with each other.
But.....i always feel like he is to perfect for me....he actually never attract me physically...and somehow i always wanted someone who is more like me.....


A few months ago i met a guy, my friend always told me that i would like him because he is interested in a things like i .....but just as a friend....
When we met....we had instantly some weird connection and attraction towards each other....
We started to text each other every day about all sorts of things....art,culture,religion,food everything....it was a friendship at first....and we realized that we love the same things and that we have a lot in common....
He also have a girlfriend for a long time btw....

Then we started to see each other and have an affair.....at first it seamed that its just physical...but as time goes by we fall in love with each other.....

I'm so confused and sad because....i think we would never be together....but the the feelings are so strong
And i can't imagine my life without my boyfriend...we have so much plans for the future and so much common friends and our families are also friends....but i also can't imagine leaving the other guy because i love him so much.....

We had a few time talks about the subject what to do next....but we can't make a decision...and we are afraid to make one....
I can't live like this no more.....i want to know what is the right thing to do.....and this is killing me ....please give me some advise because i can't tell this anyone else......

[hot stuff]

I think...key uh word think you have lots of fear. I am almost like you. Well here is what I think, put the fear factor aside and make a decision. See what's more import., would you rather stay with the familiar or the new exciting thing?
Sometimes the new and hot doesn't last but you have a history with a guy for 7 yrs. Are you going to let that go? There's something about long lasting friendship and love and companionship versus a new fling filled with sex and lusty stuff.
Your ball

[VictorSheets]

Well in my opinion i dont think that the person who you love should match your thinking or choice but i focus more on understanding .And you should have known beforehand ,being 7 yrs in relationship how could you think so now.Either you are not smart enough to decide the things or confused with your decision. It will be foolish to break relationship with your boyfriend.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

....he actually never attract me physically

You love him, he's caring, giving makes you laugh, was your first love... But the above is what is missing.

Either you went out with a "friend" your best friend, or neither of you in 7 years have explored bonding, intimacy and what makes you both tick. How do you know that he doesn't secretly wish for things from you sexually? But has never asked, visa versa.

You are looking for a form of excitement and so you are looking elsewhere instead of home.

Have a think.

Relationships are hard work and are WORK... You know? Nothing is achieved unless you work hard for it.

Perhaps what you want is within your own relationship only you two have never communicated it, sounds that way.

The grass isn't always greener and opposites do attract actually even better.

[Nero]

Never been physically attracted to him

Always wanted to be with someone who has the same interests, personality, etc…

Cheated on him and fell in love with another man who also happened to be in a long term relationship with someone else.


Now everything is turning to **** because your new relationship with the man of your dreams isn’t going the way you wanted because he decided that the commitment that he made to his current girlfriend is more important than the one he made to you.

Now you’re trying to figure out if you should continue to indulge in your affair or go back to your boyfriend and continue to lie to him and yourself about how much you love him, all for the convenience of an already planned future.

If you truly loved your boyfriend then you wouldn’t have cheated on him in the first place. Simple as that



My suggestion

Break up with your boyfriend, pack a bag and get the hell out of his life forever, it’s the least you could do for wasting 7 years of the man’s life. Let him move on and find a woman who is actually deserving of what he has to offer, a woman who will accept all his qualities for what they are, a woman who won’t pretend or mislead him about her true feelings.

[rcoreyus]

The "other guy" or "other girl" can be very enticing. There is the excitement of someone new - a chance to break out of a sex life that has become routine. They seem more fun and exciting when you are together: you are rarely doing laundry, writing bills, or cleaning dishes with them, you are doing fun things. All this sets up a very powerful attraction, and one that many people fail to resist.

The reason society comes down so strongly on affairs is that they are very destructive. You can hide it - maybe for a long time, but your main boyfriend will get the feeling that something is missing even if he doesn't know what. He will be devistated if he finds out. You can eventually wind up with the "other guy" only to find out that life with him is worse than it was with your original boyfriend.

There are a very few people who are OK in "open" relationships, but not most.

The path you are on leads to disaster. You need to either leave your current boyfriend and figure out what you want, or you need to never again have contact with this other man. I think the first is a better suggestion because I don't think you will be able to do the second.

I'm not blaming, that isn't the point. What is important is that you are on a path that will make you and your boyfriend truely miserable.

[SpokenTruth]

Well, I'll tell you this; you said you love your boyfriend, he's caring, he makes you laugh....and yet you have these feelings for someone else now. Well, I will say for you to be VERY careful, the "new" person in the picture may always seems perfect at first.....but that is rarely the case. You now what I've learned from being with my wife? It's that temptation enters a good relationship and that good or in my case wonderful relationship can be completely destroyed if we give in. Thankfully I've never given anyone else the time or day because my wife is the one who has my heart. You're case is somewhat different because it seems like you were questioning if he was the one for you a lot before you cheated on him. But one thing I always tell everyone is NEVER say things like "I would do this is this happens." "Or if I wasn't with this person I would be with that person." because these words but possibilities in your mind....and many times the damaging process begins because it has already been created.


Now for the other guy. I will say this one thing and you may have already heard it many times before but I'll say it anyway. That is; if he is with his girlfriend whom he has been with for a long time like you and he would do something so heartbreaking to her, then he will eventually do the same thing to you. You said your boyfriend is caring, and he loves you.....and yet this will break his heart. It seems like the main problem is you're not attracted to his looks but you knew this for seven years though. So this is more like you kicking him to the curb for something new. I would be on your side if your boyfriend was a jerk who didn't care about you or how you feel and was just horrible to you; then you should be with someone else. As it stands though, it sounds like you're leaving him because you think the other guy is better.......and that's hurtful. And remember, unless we know how to look (with our hearts); the lines between lust and love blur. You may just really love having sex with this guy and it's having an effect on how you feel. After sex is more than just a physical connection...it runs soooooo much deeper than many people realize. Just think about it. If you;re going to leave your boyfriend tell him now; don't make him suffer by waiting; in a good relationship feelings grow more and more everyday so if you wait, while you're going out with this other guy your boyfriend will be falling more and more in love with you and that's not cool at all. Let him begin healing from this heartbreak as soon as possible.

[vinnyt]

....he actually never attract me physically...and somehow i always wanted someone who is more like me.....

The above comment will only become bigger and stronger and eventually you will leave. Physical attraction is very very important.