[Calicorado83]

I am 24 and a single mom to a wonderful 1 year old boy. Now that he is in my life and I have a new role as Mommy, dating is a little more difficult in more ways now than I would've thought.

I already feel that dating guys my age now that I have a child does not work as well as an older man who may have kids of his own. Not saying it can't work, but guys my age don't seem interested in anything other than sex if there is a kid. And the maturity difference in a 25 year old and a 35 year old are much different. That's one thing I've run into.

Then there is the difficulty in accepting my new body. I was blessed to lose more weight than I would've imagined, going from 125 average weight before pregnant to a 110 average weight after being pregnant. But there are other things to get used to, my breasts looking and feeling different, stretch marks, and a softer tummy. It makes me feel more insecure when I know a man is looking.

Then there is the lack of time to actually date. I feel like I annoy men when I have to tell them I am unavailable for dates because I have my son. I don't have anyone to watch him, no family and friends where I live, so it makes it difficult. If my sons dad doesn't take him, I can't go out.

So with all of that said, I have just met a guy (for those that are familiar with my current fwb situation, this is a different guy). Anyway, I met him on a dating website. He is 11 years older than me. He has 2 kids of his own whom he has full custody, he is quite handsome, charismatic, energetic, smart, and happy go lucky. We make super easy conversation talking on the phone, I spent three hours talking to him tonight and now I can't sleep because I feel full of energy just from the good conversation. We haven't met in person yet but if my sons father takes him this weekend then we will set up a time to meet.

With all of that said, I worry that this guy who seems so far outstanding is too good for me. I've never beat myself up like this before, not until I became a mom. I just feel like I have nothing good to offer. I am a single mom, my body's been used up, I am struggling to make ends meet, I Don't do anything interesting besides work and be a mom. I haven't achieved anything great in my life, I am always broke, guys don't seem to want me for anything other than sex now that I have a kid...it scares them away from me.

I know deep down not to be insecure like this. I know deep down I am a beautiful person, not just on the outside but on the inside. I know deep down I have a great body for being a mother, I shouldn't be ashamed of myself. But ashamed is how I feel. I am typically not an insecure person, but when it comes to being accepted by men, here lately, I just don't feel up to standard.

Any advice?

[rcoreyus]

Never ever think you are not good enough for someone who cares about you. Physical imperfections - and I expect they are not nearly as much as you think - are not at all important to some people. If he really is a nice guy, and is good to you, then BE good enough for him. Be kind and affectionate in return. He has children, he understands the time that requires and won't fault you for the time you spend with your child.

You don't know him very well yet - you may discover that you aren't right for each other, but maybe you are. As long as he treats you well, treat him well and see where things go.

[Pollon]

What would make you feel good about yourself? What would make you feel like you had something to offer?

Unfortunately, you sound like you are looking for a sense of worth from the outside. If a "good" guy thinks you are worthwhile, then you are?

You have worth on your own. You are the entire world to your child. What could make you more worthwhile than that?

Unless you find some way to feel worthwhile separate from a relationship with a man, I fear you will fall prey to those who will take advantage of you. This guy you are all excited about may be looking for someone to raise his kids. He may be very capable of luring women in with a good front, yet really be a bad guy.

For the sake of your child, please take things slowly. Don't get involved physically until you really know more about him and he has proven he is interested in more than either sex or finding a nanny.

What happend in his first marriage? How many times has he been engaged since? What do his friends say about him? Etc. Etc.

Consider taking a break from dating and focusing on building who you are. Go back to school, find a better job, focus on being a mother you are proud to me, etc, etc. When you feel confident, you will be empowered to turn away questionable men.

Good luck

[Calicorado83]

Thank you. Very well said Pollen. I will do just that. Thank you so much everyone.