[CHANDLERS WISH]

Makes me sick reading it.

Ok, it's time to get an Adult into this and if your Father can see through him I am betting he is the one, if he knew that your (ex) was sending messages to his little girl you being the bigger girl, I bet he would jump in, tell this guy to stay away.

Gifts are manipulating. Words if meant is what is important right?

Talking to friends, family is a way of getting through to you... Pretty low.

Look I am 50 Trust me, I've seen it all, please go speak to your Father and tell him what you are telling us and then tell us what happened from there.

I know you probably fear this but trust me...

OK.

[SpokenTruth]

Chookie.....I have to be very honest with you but I promise my intentions are only to help(I'm being careful because I know this hurts and I don't want to come off as being a jerk). I think leaving him is the best thing for you....and your safety in the future. He should respect you enough (even if he doesn't love you) to do just that; respect you in EVERY way. Now seeing as you've been with him for this long if he's saying he loves you then there is NO way he should be doing ANY of this.

Love just doesn't let us do a LOT of things that so many people accept today....and it's sad :-( My wife and I are told CONSTANTLY that our relationship is different from everyone else's and asks how it'e even possible. That simple truth is love, REAL love, not the crap in movies and tv shows or the norm now days. I've never raised my voice at my wife and she hasn't with me either and we don't get upset with little things because we are truly grateful for each other and the love we have.

I think you were just accepting so much because you don't feel like you can do better or that you don't deserve better but I am telling you now; you CAN do better and you darn sure DESERVE better! You are beautiful and you are a queen and don't settle for ANY man who can't make you feel like EVERYDAY! I said everyday because even when time are a little hard; you should always feel like his QUEEN that he loves AND cherishes with all of his heart........and not some trophy he thinks he can just treat however he wants. You deserve better dear, and I pray to God that you ind it! :-) Don't settle for less, okay? It will hurt leaving him I know, but take the blow and then let yourself begin the healing process of that hurt. You can do it, and of that I am perfectly sure because if women can bear child birth than I tell you that you amazing treasures can do absolutely anything. Never forget that, but if you do I'll be here to remind you again! Take care and I wish you the best!

[chookie]

So after a three week break, some fights, a couple of confusing dates, tears, notes left on my car and texts, I ended it. I could not do it anymore, i was emotionally exhausted. I was on the break to try and respect some of the good we had in our relationship and I actually tried to make it work, but I found myself unable to open myself up to him. I have built such a big wall around myself against him. Right now I feel sad, disappointed and lost because I wish it didn't have to be this way. I know I will feel free again soon though, and I'm looking forward to finding myself again.

[jns]

We build walls to protect ourselves from pain.

Undoubtedly there was good in your relationship with him, otherwise you wouldn't have entered in a relationship in the beginning. However, the good in it could not overcome the bad in the same relationship. And the bad flowed from him.

Others noticed the abusive and controlling behavior. They said these things only get worse with time. Most agree that guys usually do not change in the long run, although they can put on a show for a while.

I agree. Get out and stay out. There is someone else out there for you that will treat you right and become a partner, not a master.

Now is not the time to remember the good times. Do that later, when you are no longer wavering on what you have to do. At this time, remember his actions and words that drove a wedge between the two of you. It will help you stay strong in your resolve.

[pluck77]

chookie, I hate to hear this. It breaks my heart that he is playing with your emotions. I, too, tend to give other peoples' opinions of me more value than my own. It is hard, because everyone, including me, wants to be loved and accepted. Therefore, we all tend to let our own emotions be played with by various people when we let our guard down and become so used to being with and around certain people that we think we can't live without them. We all need to love ourselves first and foremost. Add to that we need to place more value on ourselves - our thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc., more than we do on other people and their thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc.

So to sum it up, as hard as it may be, you need to love yourself and place more value in the woman looking back at you in the mirror than on anyone else's opnion of you.