[lonesoul]

Hello everyone this is my first post here. let me give you a bit of background on the situation so you can better understand where I am coming from. Hopefully you someone can give me some advice.

I am 29 and my wife is 30 , we have been married 5 years (been together 10) and have a wonderful 6year old son. I work evenings mon-fri so do not get to do the school pick up. Now my son let slip that most days they (son and wife) walk home with one of his friends and his friends step dad. My wife never told me this(maybe she thought is was not important) from what I gather is that sometimes they will either come to our house or go to theirs so the kids can play and they can have a coffee. Is this not how affairs start? I must admit they I do not feel confident in my self lately as I've put some weight on in the last few years (im not massive but im not as athletic as I was) which im really stuggling to loose.

Am I just being paranoid or should I really be worried? We still have sex atleast once a week and she says she is still attracted to me sexually. trouble is I consider this guy to be better looking then me and leaner.

sorry for the long post.

I should point out that I have not accussed her of anything yet or told her how I feel as if she is cheating she will just deny it .

[jns]

If you accuse her of doing something she is not doing, it will sour your relationship.

Your self doubt and jealousy will make you seem less attractive. Can you work on that? Can you change your work hours or type of job?

[lonesoul]

ok I wont say anything to her. I cannot change hours or job as there is no way I could job as well paid as where I am and I like to make sure my family are provided for. I know jealousy is a problem but ive never felt it before and she doesn't kno its there. Im trying to work on it just need someone to say im being paranoid and nothing will happen then I can move on.

Its well known that affairs start via friendship and she probably sees him more then me during the week. Is it not possible that they may be attracted to each other and one day it will happen like in the movies where they accidently touch hands or bump heads then start kissing while the boys are upstairs.

I guess what im trying to ask is can a woman and man be friends without wanting to have sex

[Little]

Yes, a woman and a man can be friends without wanting sex. IMO, cheating starts with a flaw in the primary relationship. Certainly, all our relationships have flaws because as humans we are never perfect! But if you do your best to ensure you and your wife are getting what you need from your relationship (especially in spite of the circumstances,) you will also be doing your best to avoid infidelity. So consider whether you're both getting what you need - enough time together? Enough real communication? Enough alone time? Enough touch? Enough give and take? I should mention that there are people out there who will cheat just because they can with no real fault in their relationship, but I think after many years together, you would have noticed by now if your wife was this type. It won't matter how fit or good-looking the other person is if your spouse doesn't want to cheat.

[lonesoul]

thank you. that was very insightful.

I cant think of anything we are missing. We spend a lot of time together at weekends and also get time to our self. I would like more sex but im happy to have it once a week if that's all she wants (when she orgasms it takes a lot out of her as they are really powerful when I give her oral which is everytime). She always offers a hand job/blow job if she isn't in the mood so that's cool.It doesn't help that I think my penis is small and not enough for her (although she does orgasm through intercourse so I guess im lucky there).
She does not seem the type to cheat which makes it even more painful if she does.

[vinnyt]

Hello everyone this is my first post here. let me give you a bit of background on the situation so you can better understand where I am coming from. Hopefully you someone can give me some advice.

I am 29 and my wife is 30 , we have been married 5 years (been together 10) and have a wonderful 6year old son. I work evenings mon-fri so do not get to do the school pick up. Now my son let slip that most days they (son and wife) walk home with one of his friends and his friends step dad. My wife never told me this(maybe she thought is was not important) from what I gather is that sometimes they will either come to our house or go to theirs so the kids can play and they can have a coffee. Is this not how affairs start? I must admit they I do not feel confident in my self lately as I've put some weight on in the last few years (im not massive but im not as athletic as I was) which im really stuggling to loose.

Am I just being paranoid or should I really be worried? We still have sex atleast once a week and she says she is still attracted to me sexually. trouble is I consider this guy to be better looking then me and leaner.

sorry for the long post.

I should point out that I have not accussed her of anything yet or told her how I feel as if she is cheating she will just deny it .

Hi there,
I like how the perception on opposite sex friendship is always different, women always say "oh yes i could be just friends with a guy and not have sex or even think about sex" But for a guy the only reason to hang out with a woman is if he is somewhat sexually attracted to her.
I can tell you as a man, the fact some dude does the play dates that you consider as better looking than you is good enough reason to bring it up. Considering she never even bothered to mention to you is not good. Just think about it in reverse, what would make you do the same? Only if the woman is attractive, you are attracted to her and you know for a fact your wife will not be happy about it.
You dont have to accuse her of anything but bring it up man

[rcoreyus]

I have been good friends with a number of women for many years, and have not cheated. It is possible to be friends, even to find someone attractive without cheating. My wife has male friends (some more attractive than me) that she sees sometimes when I'm not around and I have no reason to believe that she has every cheated.

Trust is important, and is probably the thing most likely to keep your partner from cheating. If someone gets the idea that they aren't trusted, that their partner already suspects them, that removes one of the largest barriers to cheating. People don't cheat because it is a violation of trust, if that trust is already gone then.....

In the end, the loss of trust is probably worse than the cheating anyway. There is no joy in a relationship where you can't trust your partner, so why bother?

[Ashlee T.]

What if the roles were reversed? What if she found out you were spending time with another woman and giving her no knowledge of it? I don't consider myself a jealous person, but I would not be happy about that.

Affairs happen many times because we are often weak to temptation. How many times have you done something that you knew wasn't the right thing, just because you wanted to so badly? We all have. I don't think affairs are always the result of the other spouse doing something wrong, or not doing enough, etc.

I would not be concerned about the relationship. I would be concerned about her choosing not to share it with you. I'd find some way to casually bring it up, "Our son said you all had a great time today with ___ and ___." and just leave it that. Don't question it, or may any accusations...just periodically drop little subtle statements like that so she knows you're aware. Then perhaps she'll choose to be more open with you about it.

[Pollon]

Frequent, friendly, private contact leads to emotional connection. That's only one stop short of a physical one. While the whole thing may be completely platonic and your wife might be fully devoted to you, the situation is inherently dangerous to your relationship. That your wife has not mentioned it at all suggests she knows it is inappropriate even if she has no intention of doing anything more "wrong."

I would encourage your to raise the subject as Beautiful Disaster suggested and add "..... So tell me about them." Then see where she goes.

At the conclusion, I would say something like. "I'm not really comfortable with you going into his home or him coming into our home when I'm not here."

Out of respect for your feelings she should put an end to it. If she disregards your feelings, you may have a problem.

Good luck

[azalea]

My wife never told me this(maybe she thought is was not important) from what I gather is that sometimes they will either come to our house or go to theirs so the kids can play and they can have a coffee. Is this not how affairs start? I must admit they I do not feel confident in my self lately as I've put some weight on in the last few years (im not massive but im not as athletic as I was) which im really stuggling to loose.

Am I just being paranoid or should I really be worried? We still have sex atleast once a week and she says she is still attracted to me sexually. trouble is I consider this guy to be better looking then me and leaner.

It sounds like this is more of a parent play-date kind of relationship that's mostly about letting the kids play. I don't think you have any reason to be worried yet, and this is most likely the result of your issues with self confidence. Does your wife work at home or does she have a job with different hours? Working at home, or being a full-time stay-at-home parent, can be a very socially draining job, and she might just need to get out at the end of the day and have a casual chat with someone. If she was interested in another guy, she would most likely lose her interest in you sexually, so I think that her interest is a good sign that she is still very attracted to you.

I certainly sympathize with self confidence issues, and maybe your wife can help you thought that. :]