[skyecountrygril]

Hi All, I'm new here so hopefully I'll do this right first time!
I am looking for some advice on how to cope with one of my closest friends just having a baby - in a nutshell, all before and during her pregnancy I was there for her - making birth CD's, presents, everything and anything she needed Id be there and I understood as Id just done the same for my sister a few months past so I knew what I'd need to do to support her thourghout her pregnancy. But, now that the baby has been born (back in May) I feel a little side tracked, and I completely understand the stress of a newborn and shes busy and the baby isnt in the best of health but how do I make sure she knows Im there for her? I try to text her every few days and ask after her, I've been to see the baby twice but its hard as shes now living in a different city so I cant always visit as its 3hrs drive away. We used to text every day and tell each other everything, and I miss that - I mean, I still have things going on in my life, but I dont want to make her feel bad for not being there as shes just had her baby, and I understand how stressful and tiring it can be. What do I do? Do I continue to text her every few days? Any help would be amazing, I might just be feeling the complete wrong thing and not understanding properly (as I've not got children myself).

Thank you so much.

[jns]

Is the baby being formula fed, breast fed, fed with expressed milk or a combination? You don't have to answer that question here, only think about it. One of the things the mother of an infant has to deal with is getting enough time to sleep (if the father is very involved, the father has the same problem). The mother becomes finely tuned to the baby's cries and gets up when the baby needs something. Keep up your communications, but understand your friend may have different priorities. Try to visit more often. Really try to see if you can help her get more sleep. This will be at the expense of your own sleep.That means staying overnight if possible and tending to any of the baby's needs if possible. Obviously, if your friend is exclusively breastfeeding you cannot do everything. Become adept at cleaning the baby and cleaning clothes, etc. Let your friend show you how she wants things done.

[Claret]

What you can do. Express to her that you'd like to keep in contact, that you know how busy and stressful her new life is, but that you'd like to keep the lines of communication open and just let her know what's going on in your life. Explain that you fully understand if she can't always text or e-mail back but you'd appreciate updates on what is happening with her and her child periodically. And then don't expect e-mails or texts and get on with your life. If something happens you think she'd like to hear about, tell her about it, don't expect a reply any time soon. Once her child is safe, secure and healthy, and she (your friend) is on a schedule that she can manage, when the worries that come with being a new Mom have abated somewhat, then she will probably get in touch with you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

One of the hardest things to go through is change.

You start wondering whether or not you were ever really a best friend, will you lose that person eventually, etc.

But the bottom line is life does change for people and we have to adapt to that change.

True friends, you may never speak to for a year but when you do, the love and conversations are as if you only spoke to them a day or so ago...

But life changes for people... A new born is also an amazing thing to a new Mother, all focus is on that baby the bond is incredible, the watching and learning of this little being and then there is tiredness, sleep....

Join her on the journey, with your text messages for now, in my opinion, talk about the baby, what new things she/he did that day. Is she/he eating well, "how are you sleeping" make jokes as well.. Keep it stress free and all about them, "for now"... Then slowly add in your days as well..