[chookie]

2 months ago I made a post as I needed advice as to whether my boyfriend's behaviour was emotionally abusive. I can see now he was (obsessively jealous, controlling, put me down etc.) I left him and moved out, but now I feel as though I have to rehash the breakup with him every week...it's not getting any better.

About 2 weeks ago, he was diagnosed with adult ADHD and is using this as an explaination for his behaviour in the relationship. He is now trying to say he is changing and is getting treatment. He says I am 'giving up' on him. I think he may be using it as a card to draw out to make me hope, or feel guilty even. It is working to a degree. He's telling me he needs my help to get through this etc. but this is so hard for me to do.

I feel stuck. I spoke on the phone to him earlier and was VERY clear and assertive about what I wanted which is space, not to get back with him, but to get over him. He will not accept this though. He will not give me this. He wanted to 'compromise' by speaking just once a week and remain 'exclusive'...

I'm making myself confused and don't know how I can make it any clearer other than becoming down right rude which isn't me. I'm open to suggestions, advice...anything!

[Claret]

I would question the ADHD diagnosis as being the crucible. There really is no link between ADHD and the behaviours he exhibits that can have a quick fix through treatment. Treatment for ADHD is a long lifetime event. To me it sounds as if he has a type of "socio" personality disorder perhaps along with his ADHD. No matter what the diagnosis the real questions are:
You broke up with him for reasons, what has changed since then? Why would you not still want the breakup if nothing has changed? Do you love him? Do you love him enough to live with his problems? Do you want to play nurse-maid to him throughout his therapy? Can you handle 2 months ago I made a post as I needed advice as to whether my boyfriend's behaviour was emotionally abusive. I can see now he was (obsessively jealous, controlling, put me down etc.)
The other side of the coin is he seems to need your friendship if nothing else. You can be there for him in a supportive way, just not in a relationship. You can tell him you'll always be there to listen to him, to support him in his efforts to get well. You can also tell him that you can do this as a friend not as a girlfriend or wife. You can tell him you just need to live your own life for a while.

[rcoreyus]

Unless there has been some sort of life-long commitment (marriage or the equivalent) everyone has the the right to end any relationship whenever they want. Not being happy is a completely valid reason, it doesn't need to be the result of some mis-behavior on the part of their partner.

In this case he WAS treating you badly. I can't judge whether he has ADHD, but his behavior matches a classic abuser, including claims that he "needs" you.

I would avoid even a friendship, since he will constantly be trying to turn it back into a relationship, and acting angry / upset whenever you express interest in anyone else. Make it a clean break.

You have every right to leave and find someone who will make you happy. Don't give in.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I wonder if you are feeling guilty? Because now he has been diagnosed as if you still now owe him something.

Don't feel that way if that is the case, it's your life, you only live it once in this body ... Live it as you wish.