[CatterDay]

Bare with me, I don't know why this is bothering me so much. Actually, that's a lie. It's because I don't like it when people have issues with me. I need help moving past this issue I'm having at the moment with my friend. I'll try and make it as short as possible!

Back story - I am a commuter for work, so weekends are pretty much my only time to get things done and do what I want/need to do. My friend is well aware how I feel about not ever having time for anything. Another thing. A couple years ago my fiend and I "left" a group of friends that were pretty much toxic. I haven't really looked back and have moved on. She still has some issues from it. It's a long story so I won't get into that. But basically she isn't from around our area so when we left the "group" she didn't really have any friends left besides me and a couple other people. She is single and I am not. So I at least had my BF to lean on.

A few weeks ago she got approved for an apartment. I told her that I would help her move, but was pretty honest about how I hate moving (I just moved myself and my BF in mid May) but said that I would help her. She said that she only needed help with heavy stuff and could totally do the rest herself. Seemed pretty content with that.

When asking, I told her that I would prefer moving her the 12th (this Friday) because I have the day off work and that way we still had the weekend. Meaning that we would knock it out in one day so I could still do what I need to do on the weekend. This is where I made the mistake. I never clarified that. I assumed since she is one person living in a studio we would knock it out in one day. Apparently she thought I meant that we would START moving her Friday and have the weekend to finish it off. I'm baffled by this because I can't understand why we would drag it out for so long. I wouldn't even want to waste my weekend moving MYSELF the whole weekend, let alone someone else.

So yesterday she text me saying that her apartment is now not going to be ready until Saturday. I told her that I may not be here after Friday (tentative plans to get away for a friends bday) and she flipped out and said she'd just do it herself. I told her the plans and she asked why my plans were never mentioned to her because it was always the understanding that this weekend was her "move weekend." I looked back in our texts and that's where I realized my mistake when I never clarified and told her that. But that if plans changed I would let her know. She is now ignoring me and not responding to my texts (we never talk on the phone, only text, ever).

So now this is bother me. Because I feel like a bad friend for not blocking out my entire weekend to help her move. But then that's crazy.

I've recently found out (due to his grandpa passing away) our friend is now coming down here this weekend and we will meet up with him on Saturday night. So my BF said that we could help her move Saturday morning and knock it out in a few hours. But...I'm bitter or something about her reaction, and I'm not sure I want to help her out right now. So, I don't know what to do.

Is the ball in my court to rectify this? Or is she overreacting to the situation and I should just wait for her to cool off? I feel for her that she doesn't have anyone else to help, but I did mention in the beginning that she should hire movers. I know her and she is the type of person to take something and blow it up. This one bad thing is going to turn into her having a crappy life all around and everything sucks and she has no friends. I have watched this happen in the past. She is just very frustrated with life I think, but I need to stop feeling like it's my responsibility to find her friends/a boyfriend/keep her company. Right? Or should I be rearranging my schedule to help her?

[BabyGirl]

The " Ball is in Your Court "

Myself and "Others are Available for ".
Give Exact Date and Time.
U haul rental is $19.99 a day .
Mover are $10.00 an Hour.
Pay for Gas.

Is the ball in my court to rectify this? Or is she overreacting to the situation and I should just wait for her to cool off? I feel for her that she doesn't have anyone else to help, but I did mention in the beginning that she should hire movers. I know her and she is the type of person to take something and blow it up. This one bad thing is going to turn into her having a crappy life all around and everything sucks and she has no friends. I have watched this happen in the past. She is just very frustrated with life I think, but I need to stop feeling like it's my responsibility to find her friends/a boyfriend/keep her company. Right? Or should I be rearranging my schedule to help her?

You are No More Responsible for her " Crappy Life" than she is allowing herself .
Or You Yours.

[rcoreyus]

Not being able to do someone a huge favor because the situation has changed is not being a bad friend. There is a huge difference between appreciating that someone is doing you a favor and expecting them to do that favor.

[CatterDay]

thanks, that's what I basically heard from someone else when I was talking about the situation. I think I'm wounded because she just expects me to help, when in reality I feel like I'm doing her a favor and that's making this situation bigger than it really is. I guess I will try and not let it bother me, let her know we can help out Saturday and see what she says.

[BabyGirl]

I failed to mention.
My Youngest Son, aged 26, Will never own a " Pick up " or SUV.

His Reason..

Moving Friends.


But they all want to Drive the " Camaro "

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I don't see that.

She said "only the heavy stuff" so she didn't expect you to help her all weekend until you made it "sound" that way accidentally.

Then, in my opinion, she felt "aweee, how nice, what a true friend, she's giving up her whole weekend to help me move in, un-pack everything" to then "no that's not what I meant one day that's it...

Sometimes we give up our spare time for a friend.

I'm gaining the impressions and I hope you don't mind me saying but that, she's in "your way" and that you are only doing it as you feel you have to, not because you want to, hence it's interfering with your other new plans and your own life.

Only ever offer to do something if you really want to and with knowledge that maybe, just maybe they need more help.

Otherwise you end up in these situations.

[lissy73]

The same happened to me. Had a friend that broke up with her boyfriend, so of course I helped her find a place and move. A few months later she got back with the idiot boyfriend and decided to move back in with him. I said I would help her again but she for some reason wouldn't tell me the exact date she was moving. The weekend that she decided to move I had plans and couldn't really be changed.

I remember dropping off something to her and she was standing in the driveway, I apologised to her and said you should have given me more notice etc. but she pretty much dissed me and stormed inside. I called her and tried texting her but she wouldn't answer or reply. End of friendship right there as I never heard from her again. Though it hurt at the time I know now I am better off without someone like that in my life.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's funny how other people enter your life and that strong so called friendship disappears .

Or, you are not as close as you have someone in your life and you try, but they want more.

Remember you can count your friends on one hand in your entire life time.

Both of you don't sweat it...

[CatterDay]

Thank you everyone for your responses, I really appreciate the outside opinions.

I sent her a text this morning letting her know things have changed and we can help her knock it out on Saturday morning, encouraged her to rent a Uhaul to make it easier. She has yet to respond, so we'll see.

I think I have a bad attitude about her friendship right now because she has a very poor outlook on life. Basically everything happens to her, against her, life just hates her. Our friendship seems more of a one way thing right now, and I'm realizing that a lot lately. I've worked VERY hard on improving my outlook, I used to be very depressed and everything sucked, so I see a lot of my old self in her. But I don't have that attitude anymore, at least 98% of the time. I feel like I've got to stop investing time into helping her have a positive attitude and accept her for who she is. If that means I step back from the friendship, then so be it. I can't make her happy. She has to do it herself.

Sorry, but I did realize today this opened up a can of worms. Didn't mean to vent!

*CHANDLERS WISH - I totally get what your saying. She did have that opinion that I was being a super helpful friend and willing to spend all weekend helping her. So I do understand why she was upset when she realized I didn't mean that. But it's not nice to hold a misunderstanding against someone and ignore them. It's time for her to be a grown up and do what she needs to do. She could hire movers to help, she could rent a Uhaul. but she is choosing to whine about it and "do it herself" - that's HER choice and I shouldn't be made to feel bad about it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

One thing you've picked up which is a great thing.

Is, we do in-deed need to choose our friends and who we associate with. People can bring us down and if we have already been "down" then they can take us backwards.

The only way as you know is forwards. Past is past.

Sounds therefore that you have a big heart, though you want to distance yourself, you are still offering.

Unfortunately we can not help people "change" themselves, love themselves and love life. We can only encourage. Sometimes believe it or not, when they are ready, they remember your words and do.. But until then, you can only do so much..

If you surround yourself with negativity off course you are going to feel negative.

The other thing I feel I would like to say is this. Yes, she can sulk and no you don't have to like it.

People are "who they are" . If they are in our lives? Then you must accept them for who they are because in doing so, you never get angry, peeved, as it's evident. That is just the way that they are... I think too many people concentrate on how they expect people to be, based on their own thought pattern, instead of acceptance.

And, then. If you do not like the way someone is, then you cut yourself from them because they don't fit into your life and the way that you wish to live your life, consequently only surrounding yourself with like minded people

CW