[stone25]

Hello ladies, gents,

Desperate situations call for desperate measures. I cam here because there are chances for me to get some insight from you on my new problem.

I've been together with my girlfriend since last year and we moved in together about 3 months ago. This was a nice change, everything seems easier in two, we're a team. But this had significant impact on our relationship. It's like both of us are taking everything for granted and I realized this as it's happening. I'm trying to act cool about it and keep doing the stuff that makes me and her happy, trying to avoid routine. But it seems to me that she is not doing the same effort to keep the relationship where it is, high up on a pedestal. She tends to gain weight easily and is lazier and lazier every day, not willing to go to a gym or do some sport(I try to stay in shape, go to the gym) and I don't want her to get in a position that I/we won't like. I can't really talk to her about this, because I know this is a taboo subject for all the ladies...their weight. I kept telling her we should both go to a gym(not the same one) and it's like she doesn't want to do it. What can I do about this ? Obviously, I'm getting to a place I don't want to be in because I love her, "but what is love without lust?" I want to want her as I did. If you understand my issue, please feel free to express your thoughts on this.

Thanks a lot,
stone.

[atskitty2]

A couple things come to mind right away for me, and I'm sure if I think more about your writing I will think of more.
First, you've been together a rather short time. I think moving in together simply revealed her habits since she had no home to retreat to. This is likely who she really is. She's feeling comfortable enough to be herself and you're now there to observe.
Secondly, I think if you're going to approach her about her laziness, using words like inactivity and good health will get you better results than making it about her weight. And it should be about health.

Now I'm not sure the background, if she worked out before and stayed active. But it isn't uncommon for women to let those things fall away when they get a relationship.
If you're already finding her less attractive with the weight gain, chances are this relationship isn't going to go the distance. Unless there's another big issue in her life: a job change or loss, death in the family, or mental illness like depression, I think what you're seeing is how she wants to be.

Talk to her about the changes, rather than going along with it as you suggest you've been doing.

[Pollon]

^^^^^^ I agree^^^^^

[jns]

I think she is the wrong one for you.

[rcoreyus]

Weight isn't the issue. Its the signs of already taking you for granted that is to me more of the problem. Maybe you can approach the discussion that way - you are worried that you are both starting to take each other too much for granted, that you don't want the excitement to fade so quickly.

[Peacheskreme]

communication is everything. Maybe if you can both talk and agree or agree to disagree it could make this so much easier.You can't force a girl to work out. Just suggest doing things outside more often. I lived with a boyfriend and at the time I just didn't want to go hiking or biking or to the gym with him-like he did! (we didn't work out) Now I do want all that now. It just wasn't part of my plan back then. Don't use the words .."relaxed lifestyle" instead of "lazy" lazy implies negative. Don't say what you don't want, instead say what you do want and see if what you want matches up with hers. Maybe its just a phase and it will move on quickly, but, if not you might want to figure out what to do next just in case this isn't what you want. The longer you stay the harder it will be. Don't be in denial. That just creates anger in the end.

[happygolucky90]

My ex-husband had a problem with me not being a very active person... had nothing to do with my weight, he was heavy, I was average. He was just a busy body and always wanted to go out and do stuff... I am more of a home body. Well it was a speckled issue in mess of issues we had that led to a divorce... but it did cause a lot of friction.

He wanted to change who I was as a person, and that was something I couldn't do. I was not harming anyone, and I was not trying to change him. I just didn't want to go do stuff constantly, I enjoy playing a game, watching a movie, reading a book... we didnt have the money to go shopping all the time, and it got old walking around the same stores...

You can't change someone if these things aren't harming anyone, and she is happy with her life. Sure exercise is good for you, but she should do it for HER...not your happiness.

The fact of the matter is... most average couples in America kinda just, let themselves go on some levels. While things might come to an end with you and her because you can't tolerate her gaining weight... the next girl may be the same way. You can try talking to her about it, but chances are shes going to probably be hurt that you aren't attracted to her and quite honestly, how much weight could she have gained in just 3 months to make you already get like this? She deserves to be loved for who she is too, not just for how thin her body is. Physical attraction is important, but someone gaining 10-50 pounds shouldnt drastically change how you look at them as a whole. She should be attractive at least in the slightest still.

If you are unhappy, then something has to change; either your mentality or her routine. Or end things

[AL0tT0Handle]

1.) I'd flat out tell her, at least one night a week, yall do a special date night because you don't want to fall into a routine. Don't be passive about it. Tell her you're making an effort, and you'd like her to as well. My opinion, if my boyfriend came to me and said that, I'd be thrilled. He cares, is what that tell me. Relationships are work. 50 years together doesn't just happen, rainbows aren't crapped out on the daily.

2.) If weight is THAT much of an issue...it seems a LITTLE off to me. But at the same time, I understand! You want to lust after the one you love! I recently moved,I've been all-consumed with finding a job, and now I've been all consumed with training for said-job so I've gained weight, I know it, I don't like it. He rides motocross--which as you may or may not know, requires a lot of physical exertion--so he's in good shape. I've asked him to teach me to ride--so hopefully it'll help me get back into shape, keep in shape, and we can share something he has a passion for. Do you like going for walks? Hiking? Maybe even trying to convince her to go to YOUR gym--I find it more fun having a buddy--I HATE working out alone! Instead of presenting it as a physical activity, present it as a date, time together. "Hey hun, let's go into town, walk around, and get some frozen yogurt." <--it's a start!