[secret0524]

This is one of the guy friends I met few months ago whom I have become closer with. Someone who has been lonely all high school and have friends with girlfriends, he has been the type to have quite a strong desire for a girlfriend (to the point I can almost say he might be a bit desperate). He has been developing crushes on several girls in a couple month span, going one after another. I tend to be the opposite, the type to avoid relationships. Having gone through parents separated due to growing hatred for each other, feeling fed up with weird guys coming after me a little too persistently (to the point minor physical force has been involved) , and being afraid of being in more romantically close with the opposite gender, I have been finding relationships unfavorable in my part. I also do not see him any more than a Platonic way because I have only been intending to be friends with him from the very start.

In the conversation, what does he mean by his "man side" not liking our friendship? I do not understand what i'm doing wrong in us being friends and I do not understand why he is asking me to break that mental wall of mine in terms of the opposite gender.... Can someone help me with deciphering what this jargon means? It would be greatly appreciated. Thank You.

The Conversation

The Guy: So do you always see us as "bros"?
Me: Of course! We've always been good friends since we met haven't we?
The Guy: **********.
Me: Hey what's wrong?
The Guy: I don't want to tell you.
Me: I know you're hiding something from me by the way you just said that. We're good friends I think you should come clean.
The Guy: Well I will only because you're telling me to but this could be really awkward.
Me: It's fine. I know there's something on your mind, I just want to help you as a friend.
The Guy: Okay well.... I know you mentioned how we are like "bros" and that man side of me is telling me I don't like that we're just "bros"
Me: Wait.... what do you mean?
The Guy: I know you're very uncomfortable with relationships because of your situation with guys and it's very understandable. I know you have developed that mental wall for many years because of that. But I want you to break it.
Me: Well that wall as you can see has been there for a reason. As a friend I am willing to work that out with you but keep in mind I will probably have my moments in backing away and working on that is going to be really hard.
The Guy: Well all I am asking is to give me a chance. I am not going to force anything on you. Let's meet up on friday get some food and just hang out.
Me: I'll see what I can do. But first, I need to focus on an important midterm coming up this friday.

[atskitty2]

He wants more than friendship. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. According to what I read here, you're honest and not leading him on.

If he continued with the talk of romance after you've told him, it may become necessary to distance yourself for awhile until he moved on with his romantic intentions.
Good luck.

[DreamP346]

Sounds very vague. I would guess (and this is just an assumption), that he wants to get romantically involved with you but doesn't know it himself. So instead of just saying "I want to be romantically involved with you" he is making excuses about helping you overcome your issue you have with relationships. It's probably best to spell it out for him. "I'm willing to work on the mental barrier I have to relationships, but I definitely have no interest in getting involved right now." I would also avoid alone time with him where other friends aren't present. He might misinterpret that as a date.

[jen1447]

He wants in your pants, secret. Pretty simple. I think you already solved the problem though by telling him that your midterm is more important to you than that he get his chance - major ego killer.

This is classic friendzone behavior ...they want more but never get more because we keep them quarantined in that weird friend bubble. He wants a relationship and is resentful that you don't see him as a contender, you want a friend and get weirded out at the thought of your friend wanting in your pants, and the two things just don't add up. Old, old story, but you'd be best off making it clear to him that he's never gonna get that prize.