[kaylar]

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][SIZE="3"]
r point of view to illustrate how people
tend to see what they want.
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[Little]

That is a terribly sad story. But it just goes to show ... we can't really be sure of anything.

[sourpuss]

"love" is blind.

A good friend of mine was dating a guy for three years. They lived together for two. He was always going home to visit his mother (who he said had cancer) he'd also use the excuse that he had a job to do. Paint his dad's house, put a roof on a friends house...etc etc. (he never came back with money either, even though that was his excuse for going out to take the job) He would leave for two+ months at a time. Of course, when she called his sick mother's house he was never there, or had just left, or was out of cell service.....she was shocked when she found out that he had another girlfriend that he was living with in another state.

[kaylar]

I know this sounds terrible, but it's something I advise
and I practice.

People can say anything. Most times, doesn't matter.
When it does, that is when you need to 'prove' it.

You're getting into a relationship; you find out where
the other person lives and whom they live with.

You're involved with a person who claims to have
to go to club meetings, you get someone to prove it.

Drive past, is the car there?

Claims of visiting someone...pass by.

Don't make it look as if you're stalking, i.e. you have
to pass this house to reach your hairdresser, or on
your way to the grocers, or any of a hundred excuses.

In the case above, Shelly and Bob are the drama, Dave is
a side story. And he finds out.

[C]

Because I have seen both sides of this story I can tell you that things like this are true.....When discovered, she even offered to give the odd man out sex to pacify him..........

[kaylar]

What You See


Dave was driving along a particular road in a part
of town he hadn't been before when he saw Shelly
with a man.

He pulled up, came out, and confronted Shelly
who told him that this was Bob, he'd just come
back from wherever and she'd just bumped into
him on her way to somewhere.

At first he wanted to believe her, but when he
saw Bob get on a motorcycle he had seen dozens
of times before over the past few years, he knew
something was wrong.

He tried to punch the doubt out of his mind,
but had to confront Shelly who had an answer
for everything.

He tried to believe her, but the doubt was
there, and he became very suspicious
about everything.

When Shelly said she would visit her parents
he become very suspicious asked many questions.
So many that Shelly began to cry, and Dave began
to wonder if he were wrong.
--------------



Shelly was meeting Bob on their usual Wednesday
when suddenly, out of nowhere came Dave.

Shelly told him they'd been old school friends and
had lost touch and on and on. She knew the area
well enough to toss names of shops she had been
bound for and where she had first seen Bob, and
she felt Dave believed her.

When they got home, after dinner, he started to
cross examine her. On and on, and she was good,
she misdirected gave half truths, and was pretty
sure Dave believed her.

Over the next week she found Dave following her.
It was as if he had taken leave from his job to
play detective.

She led him to beauty parlours, to supermarkets,
and every innocent place that could be.

Enjoying herself, she went back to the very same
place that Dave had 'caught' her, and went into
a particular bakery which had a particular specialty,
pretending she didn't see Dave's car when she came
out.

That Friday she told him her mother had called and
was not well, and she would go and spend the week
with her.

For the first time in their relationship, Dave wanted
to go with her, wanted to know where her parents
lived and so many questions, she couldn't answer.

She decided to play the injured party and started to
cry, how Dave didn't trust her and she hadn't done
anything, and on and on, so convincingly.

[kaylar]

Story Comes To Bump


Dave never lost his suspicion, he just filed it away.

When Shelly went to visit her parents, he drove around
looking for the motorcycle. He found it and Shelly's
car outside of a big old house.

So angry, he knocked over the motorcycle and drove
a big down the block and walked back just in time to
see Bob in his shorts, and Shelly on the veranda in
a robe.



You all know the script.
From 'it's not what it looks like'
to 'this is the first time'
to 'we didn't have sex'

On and on, lie upon lie upon lie, and Dave was
sure he had lost his mind.

He wanted to believe Shelly, but believe what?
Where did the truth begin?

Eventually, after he left Shelly he spent much
time trying to find out the whole story.

Shelly decided to divorce Dave before he divorced
her, so it was a race of petition and counter petition
and on and on, until finally the fact that the child
might not even been Dave's led to a paternity suit.

Bob was actually the father of the child.

[Franny&Zooey]

One of our best friends went through this same exact situation. Word for word. Poor guy.

[kaylar]

Common


When Family was important, you would know just about
everything you needed. You know who this person was.
Their friends, their dreams, etc.

You knew their family and everything was so out there,
that there were no secrets.

Now times have changed. His people might live a hundred
miles away, her's might live two hundred, and all they
know about each other is what they decide to reveal.

So he doesn't tell her about the kid he had with the town
punch. She doesn't tell him that she ran out on her
boyfriend taking all his savings.

They believe each other's 'history' and start a
relationship based on fantasies.

Two movies which reflect that ancient family are
'Moonstruck' and "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."

In the scenarios enacted in those movies, its obvious
the people are who they say they are. Those situations
are increasingly rarer.