[DreamP346]

Should we just be happy that we got something/anything and be glad the other person spend some effort getting that gift for us?
Or is the gift really about the giver and the satisfaction they get from giving so we really don't have a right to complain about what we got?

It's that time of the year, and although my husband always gets really nice gifts that most women would love (designer handbags, expensive jewelry), I am not most women. It's most often not what I wanted. The gifts are things he would like me to have.

Example, last year, I told him that what I really wanted was a weekend off where I didn't have to clean the house and somebody else would take care of the household. I was really frustrated cleaning each weekend and wanted to rest. That is not what I got. Instead, my husband got a whole day out shopping for my present while I stayed home taking care of the kids (he LOVES to shop). I got some nice clothes as presents. It seems stupid that I should complain when I got nice presents, but I feel the present are not about me, they are about him. He gets to spend time shopping while I get stuck at home, and he never gets me stuff that would actually require doing something he doesn't like such as cleaning.

One mother's day, I asked if I could just have 2-3 hours of quiet time out of the house so I could get my bills done. Nope, didn't get that either. I've asked several times for him to make me something (he is pretty handy) as that would feel more special. Ten years of marriage and still haven't gotten anything.

[Stillness]

If you get a gift you should be grateful. But if someone asks you what you want then doesn't give it to you when it's within their power, that's a problem - especially when that someone is your special someone.

[rcoreyus]

There is tremendous pressure during the holidays (but also on birthdays etc), to get people gifts. This can be very tricky: my wife and I share all expenses, so if I get here something expensive, she is really paying for half of it herself. We both have access to the internet so it is rare to find something that we want but don't just buy for ourselves.

With a very close relationship, its possible to provide non-physical gifts - but even that is hard: If you don something nice for someone as a gift, why don't you do it all the time.

[Stillness]

my wife and I share all expenses, so if I get here something expensive, she is really paying for half of it herself. We both have access to the internet so it is rare to find something that we want but don't just buy for ourselves.

With a very close relationship, its possible to provide non-physical gifts - but even that is hard: If you don something nice for someone as a gift, why don't you do it all the time.

All of this is very interesting. The only traditional gift-giving day that my wife and I recognize is our anniversary. We've gotten away from giving gifts on even that day, though. Sometimes we do, but it's not expected. We'll typically do something together, but a gift is always a surprise.

We do get each other gifts. It was a little weird at first because of it being our money instead of mine or hers like when we were dating. But it's more the thought. It's saying, "I was out and I thought about you." Or, "I know you need X, so I got it for you." Or, "I think this would look really nice on you."

I think that I probably need to get more gifts. Right now I know that my wife wants me to get her a watch. She just bought me one and when I asked her why she doesn't wear one, she too eagerly answered that she doesn't have one.

[DreamP346]

We don't exchange gifts for all occasions but we do for a lot. It has a lot to do with my husband loving to shop. I get expensive gifts on my birthday, but no cake. I have a huge sweet tooth so cake would be really important to me, but it's been years since I got a birthday cake.

One year I told my husband we should limit our present to only $50 and see how we can be creative with that amount. He didn't like the idea.

[DreamP346]

If you get a gift you should be grateful. But if someone asks you what you want then doesn't give it to you when it's within their power, that's a problem - especially when that someone is your special someone.

Usually I just tell him, but last year he specifically asked, twice. I even said that I wasn't expecting to actually get what I asked for since he never gives me what I really want. He didn't like that I made that comment, and I still didn't get what I asked for.

[atskitty2]

Sp that was true in my marriage & it makes me chuckle looking back on it. It was laziness on my man's part, but thinking back to the lengths he would go to in order to NOT have to give what I really wanted...

[kira]

We are both really hard to shop for so we don't give each other gifts on any specific day. When one of us finds something they want we discuss the cost and whether we can afford it. Most people give us money and in my husband's family it's a requirement to make a christmas list if you don't want money. They will only buy what you tell them. They are quite generous though. My husband spends hundreds on his family presents and they spend or give us hundreds. My mom's family isn't so great. I got a lot of stuff every year that I wasn't interested in and gave away or sold to someone else. Last year I told my mom that instead of giving me presents for christmas and my birthday to just pay part of the cost of sending one of my young horses to a trainer since I don't have time to train all of them for riding. Some have become fat pasture pets.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Funny, I am the same, I asked for a watch, with a big face, that’s it, $20.. I am not sure what he bought but I am betting it’s a watch, watch, that cost him money.

I think that they like to give gifts that they think you would never purchase yourself, something that you would use often, reminding you that “he” gave it to you, you are wearing or using his gift. It’s a man thing I am sure 

[jns]

My wife is easy. Just go with her to the gold shop on the day before Christmas.