[Claret]

Well. I think the fact that you're here indicates that it, or something, isn't working, otherwise you wouldn't be here. What is the "it"?
Unfortunately this is a scenario that only your wife and you can resolve, because it's a unique situation.
I do think ^^^ statement could be right, that your wife may eventually say, her or your feminine life.

Doesn't sound like it's there yet, so I will offer some general, vague suggestions.
I think you need to clear an afternoon, sit down and have a real honest heart to heart...no stone left unturned kind of talk. I mean, souls bared to one another in terms of expectations, limitations and all.
Write it down and hash out what is tolerable, acceptable and the nonnegotiable. Honest honest honest, communicate!

Then, keep the dialogue open and communication lines clear...otherwise it'll get muddled or buried eventually.

Personally, while this is a deep and different problem, I don't think it's unsolvable with time, understanding, communication and real honesty. It boils down to 2 ppl with different taste, which could potentially alter the other persons attachment in a fundamental way...so it could be a deal breaker...but there's hope.

Focus on some positive aspects this brings to the relationship like shopping together or getting a Mani/pedi...Idk-whatever works for you guys.

Hope that's helpful...keep us posted

Do you think it possible that this marriage stays together given that he is lowering his testosterone which will lower his sex drive if it hasn't already.

[atskitty2]

I do think it's possible. If his wife is willing to give up a lot of what she's used to and learn a different way of life then they could move forward. Obviously it will take a lot of work on both their parts.

I don't remember him posting many details about their sex life (I didn't read the op just now before responding to you) but I think their sex life could go either way. He could end up feeling more fulfilled and happy and want sex more. He says he doesn't want to try sex with others.

I think it will be difficult and take some time but I think between the right people, it could be worked out.

[atskitty2]

I just skimmed back through but I don't see much about their sex life. So we don't know the quality or frequency or drives of either of them, good or poor. It's operating on too much assumption. She may be a lower sex drive person and be thrilled if he wants sex less... Or he may want it more....we just don't know.

[Phoebe1]

I think the it in the marriage is me no pun intended, I feel more female and prefer feminine things. When we go shopping I help her pic out shoes and we have great time shopping. I do not go as a woman, I go as a guy. I would prefer to go as my female self and shop alongside her sometime. I want to be her best friend, her lover and the woman inside me wants time too.I went overboard with the want to grow natural breast but now they show so I guess I ll have to deal with it for now. I have thought over the last few weeks that I should just go get a push up bra and enjoy having them. The male side wants to wrap them up and make them go away. I am so confused, and I cried all day today thinking about what to do. i love the support here and hope I can come to the best solution.

[atskitty2]

Well, maybe some counseling would be a good idea for you as well. If you're confused, a good counselor may help you sort thru some of that.

[Trixareforkids]

Counseling! Both individual and couples! You need to figure out, accept and then embrace who you are and you need to find out if your wife can accept and embrace whoever that is. If you are modifying your body that is NOT simple cross dressing, that is gender identity and being born one sex but feeling like another is a hard hard thing and there is no way that counseling will not benefit you in some way. You say you're having doubts, doubts about what exactly? The body modification? If while dressed as a woman it's making you uncomfortable to be seen as a woman by men, is that because you are a lesbian or because you feel you've gone too far and want to be able to reclaim your male self at will? There are lots of questions you need to answer for yourself and your wife. This was the nice portion, now for the WTH portion? Seriously you have a wife that does NOT want to see you dressed as a woman and she says NOTHING about your boobs?! Has she seen you naked since the boobs started growing? Either way there is a serious lack of communication going on and if y'all are that head in the sand with one another why are you even bothering to stay together as a couple. What's the point of a relationship that you're both uncomfortable with and don't even bother to TRY working on? If you really love her, have the respect and decency to be honest with her and yourself and face the fact that your relationship may have to change or end.