[Phoebe1]

Hello all-
I am a cross dressing guy and I need a female opinion on a couple of issues in my relationship. My wife and I have been through a lot and I need to get some things sorted out. A few years back I came out to her about being a cross dresser. After a few weeks she was comfortable enough with it to at least talk to me again. I do dress and live as a female 99 percent of the time when I travel for work as I am on the road for weeks at a time. Last year I decided to grow natural breast and I went on herbs and did not tell her. Well long story short they worked and now I have budding B cups that show through my shirt all the time. After having them now for over a year I have started to rethink my decision. I have also started to round out in my body with more feminine features and guys are starting notice me. I have also been asked out on dates when away from home and most guys don't notice until I tell them. I do travel a lot and lately I have gotten to the point that I need to wear a bra to hide my boobs, and I recently got waned at the airport because my bra set off the metal detector. Normally I would not care but I got embarrassed and now I am having second thoughts. My wife has not said anything about my boobs and I don't dress as a woman around her. I do love her but I need to be true to myself as well. I am not thinking of going under the knife for any other transition, because she would not be into having a woman as her mate, and she has made it clear that she is attracted to me as a man. How can I make this all work, and live my life with her normally.

[Claret]

Are you taking hormone injections from a doctor or clinic? That is the only way to increase your estrogen enough to get the b-cup breasts and rounding out of your features that you describe. An over the counter herb will not do this. Also, in order to have these injections you must also decrease your testosterone which would serve to reduce facial hair for example. Also, to hide your growing boobs, a bra is NOT the way to do it, as a bra will actually accentuate your shape. Most men would probably opt for a tight undershirt to hide their breasts if they have them and needed to flatten them out.

So, what is the real story here? I'm just finding something lacking in what you are saying, I apologize if I offend you, but it's just the way I feel.

[atskitty2]

I'm also unclear what your objective is here. Your question essentially is how you can live a life normally with your wife. It depends on several factors I think.
What is your wife going to be willing to accept/embrace within this lifestyle? How sure of your sexual identity are you at this time? Are you wanting to explore sexually outside the marriage? Just a few questions to start.
Please be fully open here and honest with us. This is a supportive and caring group. No shame here and fully anonymous. We are all here to offer opinions and help if we can.

[rcoreyus]

You have to realize that if she didn't know about your sexuality before you were married, it is possible that she will not want to accept it. This is not saying anything negative about you - I believe people should feel free to embrace whatever sexuality the wish as long as it doesn't harm others. OTOH, people go into marriage with certain expectations, and if those are not met, it is perfectly reasonable for them to wish to leave.

[Phoebe1]

My bigger issue is being true to my feeling and not destroying our marriage. She is aware of the cross dressing, and is fine but she does not want to see me dressed as a woman. My wife is a sweet woman and I love her deeply and truly. I am not gay and am secure in my sexuality being straight. I have no intention of being with a man in any way. My gender on the other hand is mostly female when I am away from home, and male when around my family and friends. How can I live both ways and be accepted by my wife?

[Phoebe1]

I am not offended,
I will tell you that the right mix of herbs will cause changes, Saw Palmetto, Licorice, and Spearmint Tea will reduce testosterone. Then taking Fenugreek, and Progesticare plus and Growbust mimic estrogen in females believe me it works. The facial hair is now softened. The bra gives me support because I actually droop a bit and show through my shirt. I used estrogen injections, and spironolactone I tried them for 6 months but was very moody and stressed out.

I am trying to not destroy my marriage and live along with both genders. My wife has not mentioned my breasts but I know she has noticed. I am not gay and I am secure in my sexuality. I have no want nor desire to be with a guy. My gender on the other hand is mostly female when away from home. She is aware of the cross dressing, and allows me to have clothing hanging in the closet. She has made it clear that she does not want to see me dressed as a woman. When I am home I am her best friend, lover and supporting husband. When I am away from home I live my female lifestyle, go out and enjoy the world. I need advice to find a balance she would be comfortable with and make me not feel like I am going behind her back when I am away.

[Phoebe1]

I am not offended,
I will tell you that the right mix of herbs will cause changes, Saw Palmetto, Licorice, and Spearmint Tea will reduce testosterone. Then taking Fenugreek, and Progesticare plus and Growbust mimic estrogen in females believe me it works. The facial hair is now softened. The bra gives me support because I actually droop a bit and show through my shirt. I used estrogen injections, and spironolactone I tried them for 6 months but was very moody and stressed out.

I am trying to not destroy my marriage and live along with both genders. My wife has not mentioned my breasts but I know she has noticed. I am not gay and I am secure in my sexuality. I have no want nor desire to be with a guy. My gender on the other hand is mostly female when away from home. She is aware of the cross dressing, and allows me to have clothing hanging in the closet. She has made it clear that she does not want to see me dressed as a woman. When I am home I am her best friend, lover and supporting husband. When I am away from home I live my female lifestyle, go out and enjoy the world. I need advice to find a balance she would be comfortable with and make me not feel like I am going behind her back when I am away.

[Phoebe1]

I am trying to not destroy my marriage and live along with both genders. My wife has not mentioned my breasts but I know she has noticed. I am not gay and I am secure in my sexuality. I have no want nor desire to be with a guy. My gender on the other hand is mostly female when away from home. She is aware of the cross dressing, and allows me to have clothing hanging in the closet. She has made it clear that she does not want to see me dressed as a woman. When I am home I am her best friend, lover and supporting husband. When I am away from home I live my female lifestyle, go out and enjoy the world. I need advice to find a balance she would be comfortable with and make me not feel like I am going behind her back when I am away.

[Claret]

BUT, if you are taking herbs and stuff that makes your breasts grow, lessens body hair etc. you are not just cross-dressing. You are altering your body into that of a woman. Your wife doesn't want another woman in her life she wants the man she married. She is not living with him any longer, she's living with a person that is going through a metamorphosis right in front of her eyes.
She may very well give you an ultimatum at some point, her or your lifestyle.

How long have you been taking these herbs? I ask because it has to be either high dosage or long-term (months to years) for the effect to take place that you have described. The other possibility is that you have a natural decrease in testosterone or a natural increase in estrogen. In either case I'd have you see and endocrinologist to determine what is going on.

[atskitty2]

Well. I think the fact that you're here indicates that it, or something, isn't working, otherwise you wouldn't be here. What is the "it"?
Unfortunately this is a scenario that only your wife and you can resolve, because it's a unique situation.
I do think ^^^ statement could be right, that your wife may eventually say, her or your feminine life.

Doesn't sound like it's there yet, so I will offer some general, vague suggestions.
I think you need to clear an afternoon, sit down and have a real honest heart to heart...no stone left unturned kind of talk. I mean, souls bared to one another in terms of expectations, limitations and all.
Write it down and hash out what is tolerable, acceptable and the nonnegotiable. Honest honest honest, communicate!

Then, keep the dialogue open and communication lines clear...otherwise it'll get muddled or buried eventually.

Personally, while this is a deep and different problem, I don't think it's unsolvable with time, understanding, communication and real honesty. It boils down to 2 ppl with different taste, which could potentially alter the other persons attachment in a fundamental way...so it could be a deal breaker...but there's hope.

Focus on some positive aspects this brings to the relationship like shopping together or getting a Mani/pedi...Idk-whatever works for you guys.

Hope that's helpful...keep us posted