[Lolvi]

My boyfriend of 2.5 years has always relied on me for help, be it in the set up of his business, for his family problems or even financially. I was always glad and ever ready to help him. But now I feel he is relying on me too much. He wants to immigrate abroad and wants me to find a job there and then marry him so that we could go there together. He cannot find the job himself because he left his degrees in UK when he came back to our country after his studies. He thought he would go get them later but then couldn’t. Or so I was told (I am developing trust issues).

He has family problems and does not talk much to his family members despite living in the same house. He tells me “you are the only one to whom I can talk”. He never goes out with friends and does not work either. His social life is very limited. All this is creating a lot of pressure on me as he is becoming more of a responsibility than a romantic partner.

I feel that I am only a support for him, the means to achieve something in life. I am uncertain of wanting to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. I do love him but I am feeling it slowly fade away. I told him I want some time for myself (a small break) and he cried a lot over the phone, telling me not to leave him and that he does not want me to break up with him.
He is caring and I do not want to hurt him. He is a sensitive person and may hurt himself if I tell him I want a break up (he hurt himself badly in the past for another girl). What should I do? Opinions and advice please

[atskitty2]

In a word, yes, you should end it. I see red flag after red flag here.
And what he chooses to do or not do to himself if you leave him, is not your fault or responsibility. Call the authorities if he threatens self harm or otherwise, and walk away cleanly. Don't send mixed signals about your future ( assuming you decide to leave), make it clear that you're done, and then BE done.
What country are you now in?

[Pollon]

He has shown himself to be unable to take care of himself. Do you believe you could rely on him is you really needed to?

You have little reason to believe he would be a strong marriage partner whom you could count on.

You are not responsible for his behavior when all you have done is take care of yourself. His threats of self-harm are forms of manipulation--the kind you would expect from someone who doesn't take responsibility for his own life.

If you are in no hurry to date someone else and you want to see if he's serious about improving himself you could say something like,

"I care for you and thought we might have future together. However, I don't see you being the responsible man I need. I am going to end the relationship. However, I am not going to date for six months. If you contact me in August and show me you've got a good job, have moved out of your parents home and are progressing in life, I will consider dating you again. I hope to hear from you then. Until then, I will not be in contact with you. Good luck."

[Lolvi]

I'm from Mauritius island. Now that I have distanced myself from him a bit, he talks really sweetly on the phone whenever he calls. And he is attempting to contact his university to get a copy of his degree. It makes me wonder why he didn't try it earlier.

He told me he has bought an apartment and a car in UK when he was working there after his studies. But for some unknown reason, he does not want to go live there. So the apart and car are just sitting there, rotting away. There is no proof of this apartment and car existing (not a single photo). I don't know what to believe anymore. Meeting him today to set everything clear.

[DreamP346]

I agree with what others have said. He is just looking for something to leech on. Now that he thinks he might lose you, suddenly his behavior changes. The problem is, once he thinks he has you again, he will fall back into his old behavior. I don't think he is even worth a second change. Walk away from him now.

[Claret]

Too many red flags and one of them being that you feel responsible that should you break it off, that he will harm himself. Why would this be your fault in any way, or any more than the previous breakup had him harming himself. It's all about him! not you.

It is not hard to get transcripts of degrees, courses taken, diplomas etc. from any University. All one does is apply or ask for it, supply a small amount of money for administration fees and voila - the transcripts will be in the mail. It's done all the time for students both in and out of the country.

Don't believe anything he says unless and until you see with your own eyes. If you immigrate to another country, you'll be leaving what your know and your own family to be with just him and a bunch of strangers. If you needed help who would you turn to?

Was he in some type of legal problems in the UK? Things just don't seem to add up. He's putting it all on your shoulders, both emotionally and financially. My advise to you - don't fall for it.

[jen1447]

^ Agree with what all the ladies here have said. If something feels wrong, it is.

[Lolvi]

I don't know of any legal problems he had.

I met him today and told him how I was feeling and that I wanted to end this relationship. Of course there was the small emotional blackmail but I stayed firm. Told him to act responsibly and he calmed down and accepted. I hope everything goes on fine from here on.

Thank you everyone for your advice

[jen1447]

Great news - I wish all the relationships we try to end here would go this easy.

[atskitty2]

Good news! Stay strong!