[secret0524]

There's a friend (he's 27 and I'm 19) whom I have been acquainted with online for a few weeks. He is an alumni of the college I currently attend.

I have told him that I am not completely comfortable with the idea of getting in a relationship so we agreed to be friends in the beginning. Last weekend, we met in person for the first time but I found him rather peculiar in terms of his gesture and body language.

1. he offered to pay for both the coffee and dinner... I turned him down on the coffee but he beat me to it for the food so I just let him....

2. He tended to lean on one side and face me when we were at the coffee shop which ended up basically cornering me the entire hour that we had a conversation. Whenever we were leaving to another place he had his arm around me putting me close to him..

3. When we were in the car his arm was close to my thigh.... and he put his arm closer when I moved to the side away from him... He also tried to get me to come over to his place and when I turned that down since I had other plans afterwards he tried to invite himself over to mine.... Since this is the first time I met this guy I did not like that idea so we ended up going for a drive with him showing me where he lived when he went to my school.

Do you think his actions were appropriate for a person who met me for the first time? As somebody who is not quite experienced dealing with this I would like to know so I can steer clear of other gestures that may seem a little uninviting.

[jen1447]

It sounds like your intuition is giving you warning signs. You should listen to it. You made it clear what the nature of your 'date' was (not a date), so he really shouldn't have treated it like one. You didn't like him buying everything (probably because that's very date-like), didn't like feeling cornered, and didn't like his touchy-feely-ness ....that matters more than what he was really thinking, but for the record I would say he was being a bit odd with all that given the circumstances. So no, not particularly appropriate, altho I doubt he's a psycho or anything.

If I were you I'd either make your boundaries really clear before you go out again, or just give him a pass. You don't actually seem to find him very appealing, so .....

[jns]

It sounds like he was putting moves on you but wasn't very good at it. I would look elsewhere.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I don't want to sound like a Mother And, I've done the on line dating things, a couple of times in my life. If I can say firstly he's 27 you are 19, he would be "hoping" you are vulnerable, nieve. More importantly, please don't get into cars of those whom you do not know. You don't know this guy at all, you are in a position of weakness as he showed you, I think you were lucky, he wasn't one of "those guys"... Please stick to coffee or dinner and watch your back as you walk back to where ever you are going, when leaving.

He sounds like someone who was on the prey I am sorry...

Yes, I do...

[Pollon]

There are many reasons a 27 year-old goes after 19 year-olds. Unfortunately, too many of them are not good for the 19 year-old. He may be a perfectly sweet and decent guy, but he has relationship issues that make him uncomfortable with women closer to his age.

Trust your intuition. This guy is not likely to know how to do relationships well and doesn't understand boundaries. He could also react poorly to your pulling back, so be prepared.

Good luck

[atskitty2]

I agree. My mother bear protective instincts are screaming for you to follow your gut. Listen to that voice telling you something isn't quite right.

And don't get in the car with strangers! Whether you drive or he does... First date or 2, or 3...maybe 4, meet in public and stay in public.
Just because you've chatted online for awhile doesn't mean you know someone... He's still a stranger.

And girl, be strong and confident. If you don't feel good about how things are going over coffee, you don't have to go through with dinner. You don't have to be rude or anything, just politely say that you're not interested in continuing the evening.