[sweet_peaa]

Just wanted to know what people thought on cheaters ?!

U know the saying "once a cheater always a cheater?!

What do u think?! Do u generally think someone who has cheated can actually stop cheating ?! Even if they have moved on with someone else?!

[Trixareforkids]

I believe it's possible for someone to have a one-off but that's not would I would call a cheater, even though they did cheat that one time. For anyone who gets some on the side, starts a new relationship before the current one has ended or carries on a long-term affair, no that type of person will not change, if the right circumstances are presented to them they will do it again and again. I believe this because that type of person knows they can, so why not, why wouldn't they, Even when they do actually love their "main" partner, because they will always be more concerned with themselves than any partner.

[Trixareforkids]

Oh and I think that anyone in a relationship with a cheater (the other woman/man) who thinks the cheater won't cheat on them when they become the main partner is pipe dreaming.

[Millner]

I don't believe that is true and no, I have not become "the one" that helped a cheater settle down lol but, I honestly believe people CAN grow and change. Yes, I do listen and read a lot of Steve Harvey Will ALL people grow and change? No, that's not realistic but CAN they? yes, if they want to.

[jen1447]

I tend to agree, people can change in almost any way. Whether or not that's likely is another question. It seems to me tho that in the case of cheaters (and I'm talking about the people who actually are violating their vows - the married ones), the fact that they cheated in a meaningful way means that they are in fact a cheater, even if they do change. In practical terms, that just means that person will always have a higher threshold for trust, no matter what life changes they make. Same principal applies to a lot of things, not just spousal infidelity. So for example if you are a thief and then change your ways and reform, you become a reformed thief, but you're still a thief, and I'll be less trusting of you accordingly. That's not me being mean, it's me not being dumb.

[Trixareforkids]

I agree that people can change and I still stand by what I said, believing that a cheater won't cheat on you is a pipe dream. I might trust a cheater with a lot of things, but I wouldn't trust them not to cheat and it would always be in the back of my head. I would never expect the relationship to be life-long unless I was willing to overlook overlook a possible dalliance.

[rcoreyus]

I think that if the reasons for cheating don't go away, it will happen again. What those reasons are can be very complicated - often it is not simply someone looking for sex, but rather looking for something they are missing.

[effy2014]

rcoreyus -- what an excellent observation. Someone who cheats for variety's sake probably is not capable of a mongamous relationship. However, most partners "cheat" because there is a hole in the relationship and, like most couples, their poor relationship communication skills prevent him/her from dealing with the issues before hand. Couples can survive anything if both people recognize their roles in what happened and address/fix the problem. Trust is difficult to regain, but if the other parts of the relationship are worth saving, hard work and effort can make it stronger.

Without attempting to justify the act, women should understand that men need intimacy to maintain and deepen their emotional connection just as men need to understand that intimacy requires trust and being treated with respect, dignity and honor.

[Trixareforkids]

Without attempting to justify the act, women should understand that men need intimacy to maintain and deepen their emotional connection just as men need to understand that intimacy requires trust and being treated with respect, dignity and honor.

This is going off topic a bit but I think for some women's (me included) need for intimacy is just as strong, but we sometimes need the intimacy WITHOUT sex and when your partner can't provide that sex can become less appealing. It can get really annoying when every touch is sexual or has obvious sexual intent.

[atskitty2]

I don't necessarily think, once a cheater always ....

But I do think that we tend to use the same patterns to cope, or to BE in a relationship. Unless we recognize this in ourselves and work on changing it, we are more likely to repeat the behavior. Some people can't seem to be alone, so they start up a new love before they end the other.
I believe people change tho