[Denis]

Dear all,

could you please advise me. I'm 24 years old and I love so much one girl. We're together for almost 6 months. And I could say that our relationships look like miracle because we have very strong feeling that we searched each other for entire life. Pure happiness But there is one thing... she is 32. Yes, I understand that there is an obvious answer: if you love each other, age is not the barrier. But what about realistic point of view? She is in the age when only right choices should take place. It is time to find a reliable man, make children and etc. Yes, I want it too, but... I don't know what is going to be in 10 years. I will be 34 and it means I could make mistakes now while she couldn't. But I love her so much and don't want to hurt her in the future if anything will change!! Just want a mature analysis of such situation.

So, do you have any experience of serious relationships where man is much younger than woman?

[Archer]

My last couple of relationships consisted of a woman 5 years older, and another one about 8 as well.

The issue will never be love, so much as goals. As a woman approaches 35, that panic is setting in and they want to have kids, which you may not be ready for. They may or may not be willing to sacrifice that for you, but in my opinion, it's not fair to date a woman in that age range unless you are ready to have kids in the very near future, which I personally would rather push back a few more years.

Adopting at a later age is always an option...but again your biggest hurdle will be these different stages in each of your lives, vs the love you have for each other. And more often than not, it will affect the relationship down the road.

There is no "obvious" answer, and there's nothing wrong with you loving this woman...as long as you are both honest with where you want it to go.

[Trixareforkids]

There is no "obvious" answer, and there's nothing wrong with you loving this woman...as long as you are both honest with where you want it to go.

Archer is absolutely right, it's all about the honesty, yours and hers. Not all women want children but there's also career and general life goals that need to be compatible. She's young enough that even if she wants something that you do not, you can both be open and enjoy this relationship for as long as you do have compatible goals. Just because you know a relationship is not permanent does not mean it cannot be a good, loving relationship that you give your whole self to for a time.

The best way to allay your worries it to talk to her about them and get them out of the way.

[atskitty2]

So, if you're trying to say that you love her now, and want this now, but you don't know what you'll want in 10 years, that's pretty typical for just 6 months into a relationship.
I wouldn't necessarily expect anyone to know if they still want me in their life in 10 yrs, after such a short time.

It sounds like you have some doubts. Like Archer said, be honest with yourself first, and be honest with her. Nothing says you have to know and make a long term commitment now, is there? Continue getting to know each other.

I'm 41, I've dated younger men. 8 years isn't really a lot, but at 24, that is a very different place than 32. If I dated a 33 yr old, the difference wouldn't be quite so dramatic.

Roll with it, see where it takes you. Just communicate openly, honestly and frequently about how things are progressing.

[effy2014]

I think you understand the issues with her age as they relate to you. First, you will have to decide on a long term/marriage commitment far earlier than if you were dating a 24 year old. Second, you seem to worry that, when you are 34, will you want to be married to a 41 year old woman. There are both real challenges that most 24 year old men are not generally equipped to deal with.

I agree with the others that 6 months is too early to judge. Wait another six months and see where the two of you are at. If you are ready for settling down and the responsibility of children, then it could be the right relationship. As for the second issue, my experience is that things get better as a woman ages ... sex included.

[jen1447]

The issue will never be love, so much as goals. As a woman approaches 35, that panic is setting in and they want to have kids, which you may not be ready for. They may or may not be willing to sacrifice that for you, but in my opinion, it's not fair to date a woman in that age range unless you are ready to have kids in the very near future, which I personally would rather push back a few more years.

I don't think it's really a safe assumption that all women will be this way. Just like with everything else, you'd have to judge this based on the specific woman herself. I'm personally not panicking about having children, for example.

Personally I don't see an 8 year difference as such a big deal. It's not like you're 18 and she's 50.

[Justice]

. . .. As a woman approaches 35, that panic is setting in and they want to have kids, which you may not be ready for. They may or may not be willing to sacrifice that for you, but in my opinion, it's not fair to date a woman in that age range unless you are ready to have kids in the very near future, which I personally would rather push back a few more years.

Gosh - you DO realize not all women (or men) want kids, don't you? No tick, tick, tick going on.

I tend to like younger men. Not a lot younger but even the first guys I made out with were younger.
A couple women I've been friends with have been with guys as much as 10 years younger.
There are rumors about a 58 yo. man I know being "kept" by a 70 y.o. woman who is also his landlord. Apparently she is pretty jealous and possessive.

Also as an "older" single woman with no kids, I have always felt "younger" than my friends and family. They tend to think of themselves in terms of their family responsibilities and their kids and grand kids. I guess that is kind of supported because younger people at my jobs, where I play sports and where I've lived keep thinking I am in my mid thirties (I am over 50). But common interests and goals would be key for a serious relationship

[Archer]

Gosh - you DO realize not all women (or men) want kids, don't you? No tick, tick, tick going on.

Wait, not all women think exactly alike?

I think it's safe to say that, generally speaking, that many many women place their self-worth in the success of their families/having children as they grow older. And 35 seems to be a very common consensus based on many many women that I have spoken with of numerous backgrounds.

Next time, I will be sure to include the phrase "generally speaking" so that the whole comment won't be logically invalid. There are always outliers.

[Trixareforkids]

I think it's safe to say that, generally speaking, that many many women place their self-worth in the success of their families/having children as they grow older.

Eeeh, wrong again, that is not at all a safe assumption. I think a fairer assessment would be that about 50-60 percent of PEOPLE want children and that for women who want to give birth 35 is around the age they need to start getting serious about it happening.

[Trixareforkids]

The whole children thing is really a different topic and we could start a new (or revise an old if there is one) thread on that, for this thread it's only one part and not the main one.