[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think it depends on the reason for the cheating. A one time fling due to bad judgement (alcohol?), or just plain lust might not be repeated. "Curiosity" cheating - you've been with the same person for a decade, and just "need" to know what it is like with someone else, know if you are missing something (you probably are not!), might not be repeated. Cheating because you just don't care about your spouse will likely be repeated. Cheating because there is something missing in your relationship will likely be repeated. I worry sometimes when someone lists all the things they have done for their spouse - but there is no mention of love.

I agree that there are many reasons for cheating. I would like to think that it was a sper of the moment from "no love" and an enormous amount of energy and time that had been put in to try to work through any and all problems alas, just can't resolve.

This is interesting as my marriage had friendship but no love for a long time. I felt the urge on occasions to flirt. I needed to feel alive. But i took all that love and gave it to my animals and felt fulfilled, until that was not enough either. And, i spent 7 years, in discussions quietly nicely, suggestions of councelling everything i could think of until one day i then walked.

I never cheated.

I was in a "commitment" be it marriage or relationship. It was a committment.

I personally have had the theory that if you walk away if you ever feel that way to such an extent, as the hurt to the other person would be horrid and your hurting yourself to.

I also think, people think differently and some will forgive and never see it bite them back later. But forget, i don't think that that is ever possible.