Sorry for the long story but I really need some impartial advice.
About 4 months ago, my friend Katherine told our friendship group that her boyfriend of 3 months had just broken the news that he had twins from a previous marriage. We were all shocked but comforted her and asked what she was going to do. She had decided to stay with him but was worried that we would judge her for this decision. I supported her and she was grateful, however she said that our other friend Eleanor had reacted badly to the situation and had told her to walk away while she still could as he'd withheld this information from her, which wasn't a good sign. Katherine said this really upset her and she didn't like talking to Eleanor about it.
About a month later I was on a night out with Eleanor when we got talking about Katherine. Eleanor said she was worried as Katherine never spoke to her anymore and that the two of them had become distant. This is the point at which I should have kept my mouth shut, but I didn't. I wanted to try and fix their friendship and help them become close again. So I suggested that perhaps the reason Katherine had become distant was because of the way Eleanor has reacted to the news about her boyfriend. As soon as this came out of my mouth I knew I had made a mistake. I began to backtrack and tried to cover myself by trying to make out that it wasn't a big deal. Eleanor became angry and asked me what I knew and how. I said "Katherine just mentioned that your reaction was different to ours. And that you thought her boyfriend had lied to her and like her ex did." Eleanor became even more angry and said that Katherine had twisted her words and she had not said that. At this point I felt awful and realised I had made things a hundred times worse. I tried to move the conversation on but the damage was done.
The next morning, this problem eating me up inside, I rung Katherine and told her what had happened. I couldn't remember exactly what I had said the night before, as the panic had made me forget. She was absolutely furious with me for mentioning her relationship and betraying her trust. She told me not to talk to her for a while and that she could never trust me fully again. She kept saying over and over again "Did you say anything else? What did you say?" but I couldn't remember so I just told her what I could.
Months on, mine and Katherine's relationship is not the same, but we are talking and still hanging out, while we avoid the subject. I don't know if she had ever talked to Eleanor about what happened, but they don't seem as close anymore either.
This problem is eating me up inside - The two main things I need help with are:
1. Is this as bad as I'm making out? Should I feel so terrible?
2. I worry that one day they will discuss it and they will think I have twisted their words and ruined their friendship.
Sorry for the long story, but I really need some perspective on this.
Carol x
About 4 months ago, my friend Katherine told our friendship group that her boyfriend of 3 months had just broken the news that he had twins from a previous marriage. We were all shocked but comforted her and asked what she was going to do. She had decided to stay with him but was worried that we would judge her for this decision. I supported her and she was grateful, however she said that our other friend Eleanor had reacted badly to the situation and had told her to walk away while she still could as he'd withheld this information from her, which wasn't a good sign. Katherine said this really upset her and she didn't like talking to Eleanor about it.
About a month later I was on a night out with Eleanor when we got talking about Katherine. Eleanor said she was worried as Katherine never spoke to her anymore and that the two of them had become distant. This is the point at which I should have kept my mouth shut, but I didn't. I wanted to try and fix their friendship and help them become close again. So I suggested that perhaps the reason Katherine had become distant was because of the way Eleanor has reacted to the news about her boyfriend. As soon as this came out of my mouth I knew I had made a mistake. I began to backtrack and tried to cover myself by trying to make out that it wasn't a big deal. Eleanor became angry and asked me what I knew and how. I said "Katherine just mentioned that your reaction was different to ours. And that you thought her boyfriend had lied to her and like her ex did." Eleanor became even more angry and said that Katherine had twisted her words and she had not said that. At this point I felt awful and realised I had made things a hundred times worse. I tried to move the conversation on but the damage was done.
The next morning, this problem eating me up inside, I rung Katherine and told her what had happened. I couldn't remember exactly what I had said the night before, as the panic had made me forget. She was absolutely furious with me for mentioning her relationship and betraying her trust. She told me not to talk to her for a while and that she could never trust me fully again. She kept saying over and over again "Did you say anything else? What did you say?" but I couldn't remember so I just told her what I could.
Months on, mine and Katherine's relationship is not the same, but we are talking and still hanging out, while we avoid the subject. I don't know if she had ever talked to Eleanor about what happened, but they don't seem as close anymore either.
This problem is eating me up inside - The two main things I need help with are:
1. Is this as bad as I'm making out? Should I feel so terrible?
2. I worry that one day they will discuss it and they will think I have twisted their words and ruined their friendship.
Sorry for the long story, but I really need some perspective on this.
Carol x
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