[assail]

Ok so my girlfriend rarely wants sex anymore, I mean unless I really push for it then she's basically happy to go without which is a huge issue for me as I believe sex is a big part of the relationship and the intimacy you have with that special person no one else has.

At the start she couldn't stop talking about sex and initiating it with me but now it's non existent. I think we have sex maybe once every 2-3 weeks and it's only ever when she wants it. She's admitted to giving me sex before because she felt I was ****ed off about something and to me that's just pitty sex which make you feel inadequate and ****.

A little about her, she states she's never had an orgasm and her 2 previous partners made no effort in that regards. She can get herself off if she wants.

I've talked to her so many times about trying to help her and try things to help have an orgasm. I want to give her an orgasm however long it'll take as I know from previous relationships it can be different and tricky for some girls and it's all about finding out what works with each individual girl. Problem is as much as I tell her I want to try (believe me I love going down and playing with my girl and trying what she likes), she basically doesn't give me a chance to try. In her mind it's like she's thinking it's not going to happen so there's no point at all in trying regardless of what I say or want to try.

She's probably one of the mosy stubborn people I know.

This is really starting to take its toll on the relationship as I feel like I'm starting to despise her and get in annoyed moods when with her.

She gets upset when I talk to her about it because she knows its making me like this and she can feel she's losing me due to it.

Don't get me wrong I'm crazy about her but I can see that if it continues like this then there's no way it's going to last much longer. The last thing I want to do is leave her but at the same time I'm smart enough to know that the longer it goes on the harder it'll be and more it'll hurt.

I've read a fair bit on here and other sites and I see the responses, I don't believe she's cheating or anything like that, I do believe her low sex drive is due to her previous relationships and her mindset that she can't orgasm. How can I even attempt to rectify that if before we even try her mind is set that it's not going to happen? And like I said she's as stubborn as you'll get.


I don't know what I'm expecting from posting this, like I said I've read heaps and showed her many many articles, suggested a ton of things but it's like it's taken in and then dismissed straight away.


I don't know, this makes me feel sick like I know there's no good outcome

[jen1447]

A little about her, she states she's never had an orgasm and her 2 previous partners made no effort in that regards. She can get herself off if she wants.

Just curious, how can she get herself off if she wants if she's never had an orgasm?

Off the bat I'd want to look into the cheating possibilities a bit more closely. If she had a big sexual appetite at one time and now doesn't ....I assume you two aren't an old married couple where complacency has set in over ten years or anything like that, so something had to change her behavior.

[assail]

My bad that should have read never had an orgasm during sex but can get herself off alone masturbating.

I've looked into the cheating a bit and am pretty confident that's not the issue.

As for the big sexual appetite, that was more at the start of the relationship when we first started dating and she'd been single and hadn't had sex for over a year. Once we were dating for a while then things slowed down but it was never a huge amount of sex as we could only see each other a few times a week at the start.

[effy2014]

This may seem like a strange statement, but talking to her about this does not mean that the two of you are actually communicating. In my view, the subject has become toxic ... She probably has trust issues (is it her you care about or just having sex) and prior relationship issues that need to be worked out. You seem constantly ****ed off because you are not getting any and she knows it.

If the two of you want to save the relationship, go see a therapist. You both need to learn how to communicate in an effective manner. She needs to be able to work through her issues and believe that you care about her as a person, not just about sex. A therapist can really help. If you want to read about good communication techniques, try Dr. Sue Johnson's book "Hold Me Tight".

[assail]

I do try communicating with her, I make her feel comfortable before talking about it. Believe me it's her I care about and not the sex but I do believe sex is part of a healthy relationship. I could have easily just said this isn't worth it a long time ago and left but I want nothing more than for both of us to be happy.

I agree the prior relationship issues need to be worked out and I'm as willing as you can be to work that out. I've talked to her about it and tried to understand what she's feeling about it and how it's effected her.

I wouldn't say I'm constantly ****ed off at her because of it, it does annoy me when it's gets to a few weeks without it as I feel unwanted and inadequate. Like I said, sex to me is more than just the act, it's about the intimacy between us.

I'm extremely willing to see a therapist with her and have brought that up before but her response to that was childish to say the least.

[Pollon]

I with Effy. Trust and intimacy issues going on. She used sex at the early stages of the relationship to build to a certain level of intimacy. However, once she reached a certain point, she would go no further.

She's in her comfort zone right now. She won't allow more intimacy, but gets concerned when you pull away.

Avoiding sex AND therapy are two sides of the same coin. Both would be moves toward greater intimacy, but she's having none of it.

Do you know what happened in her previous relationships?

Or do you know anything about her childhood?

[Romy]

For me a healthy sexual relationship between a couple is top priority. There's a balance I guess in both your needs being met. I know that if you are not able to resolve this you will eventually begin to resent her and the relationship could eventually fall apart. I too think some counselling might help but your girlfriend needs to want this as much as you. I feel for you. It's not an easy situation to be in.

[Alkene]

I don't know what to say to help you. She might not be cheating, I personally rarely had sex with my boyfriend and it had nothing to do with it being bad or me being unattractive to him. Is she kind of busy? When I was stressed it was an "absolutely not," she may feel the same. A constant nagging putting her life on a schedule and there seems that there is no time. Even though there is.
My advice is to try to ease the stress (if there is any.) And do not push it, if she feels like meat, it will repulse her.
Make sure you are having quality time. If her mind isn't happy then the sex drive will literally stop.
Talking about it will probably not work, if she isn't responding to it now. It sounds like you already tried. She may have been enthusiastic before because it was an expectation she put on herself. But unfortunately she's the broken one, she has to fix it.