[am94]

My mom and boyfriend used to like each other, but a few months back, there ended up being accusations of cheating (directed to me, from him. ) After that, my mom stopped liking him. She was mad at him for not trusting me, accusing me of cheating, and going through my emails and phone ( which I willingly let him do. I didn't think I had anything to hide, since, ya know, I WASN'T cheating but apparently he thought otherwise due to some old messages on a website that advertised making friendships. It was just a ruse for guys to hit on girls who just wanted to talk and nothing more. I deleted once that became clear, and it's another reason he believed I was cheating. Because I deleted it, he said I was hiding something. Which I swear I wasn't. It was an honest mistake joining the site. ) This is my first serious relationship, and I would never think of cheating. I was just looking for someone to talk to platonically since I was always alone due to conflicting work schedules.

Well, when my boyfriend caught wind that my mom wasn't exactly fond of him at the moment for all the accusations and basically going mama bear over me because I was so upset over it all. Now whenever I say anything about my mom he starts bashing on her for no reason. I can't talk about my family now it feels like, and it really upsets me because I don't have anyone else to really talk to.

I'm sure my mom is over it. Either she's accepted that we're fine and I'm okay, or she's accepted that no matter what, I'll be staying with my boyfriend and she will just have to sit on the sidelines until something happens and we break up.

How do I get my boyfriend to stop speaking and treating my mother so badly when she has done nothing to him? My mom and I are really alike, so I take a personal hit every time because my mom is my best friend ( just like his mom is his best friend. )

He always talks about "how she's so childish and needs to get over it." But the thing is... I think he's the only one who isn't over it.

[Stillness]

My wife and my parents are great friends. I haven't had one problem between them, partially because I keep me and my wife's business between us.

[effy2014]

How do I get my boyfriend to stop speaking and treating my mother so badly when she has done nothing to him? My mom and I are really alike, so I take a personal hit every time because my mom is my best friend ( just like his mom is his best friend. )

He always talks about "how she's so childish and needs to get over it." But the thing is... I think he's the only one who isn't over it.

There is only one way . . . you demand it from him. Let your BF know how much his insults hurt your feelings and that you cannot allow it to continue. You could certainly get the two of them together to patch things up (hug and move on), but your BF should be able to understand Mom's motivation and move on to have a good relationship.

[midnightwishes]

Maybe he's just getting defensive since he still may think your mom doesn't like him. Let him know that she's fine with him now, and maybe bring him over to show him she's fine with him now. Maybe he's just embarrassed that somebody else out there knows his business when he believes that that should have only been between the two of you. Could be that he hates being that insecure, and doesn't want anybody to know. Either way, talk to him about it, and tell him how you feel.

[Rob1]

I think the ball is in her court. Has she apologized to him? While the entire topic is a bit childish it can be resolved normally through an honest apology. Your Mother's interest in protecting her daughter is honorable but she is involved way too much in the private part of your relationship. Think twice before you bring her into your personal relationship with her. Don't know which one is at fault but I suspect you are the guilty one. Can't say as I blame him for not trusting her but peace in the family is more important.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

The longer you leave it and allow him to use this behaviour the more he will do it. The proof will be in the pudding when you stand up for "your" rights as to whether he wishes to be controlling or just an idiot

What she did is "natural". You are her daughter, blood and you two have history as well as blood he's been in your life a very short time. Off course it's "natural" for her to defend you as a person after all she knows you best. He should take that as a message " she knows you best" and realise therefore, you are not the cheating type after all and apologise to you.

As an Adult she also realises you have to cut your own path, be it right or wrong and stand by you, you think that she is over it, that means she trusts you to be smart enough to work it out for yourself over time.

If he thought you were cheating.
If he is disrespectful about your Mom
If he puts her down to you, a person you love.

It suggests to me that he has little respect for people, is insecure and possibly didn't have a loving relationship with his family.

This is his traits. Nip it in the bud, suggest to him that she knows you best after all she's known you for xyz years and that when someone loves someone they will always be there for them and a parent will always stick up for their child then ask him if he had that in his life, with his family... Move it on into a conversation one that hopefully he will understand.

Just be aware that if it turns out that he is just controlling through in-security you will have to always nip it in the bud and be the assertive one in the relationship, not the weak one that says "yes dear".

[Pollon]

The problem with your mom and the accusation of you cheating are part of the same problem--your boyfriend's insecurity.

He lives in fear that he is not worthy and that you are actively seeking to find someone better. He now sees your mother as someone who would encourage you to leave him.

Both the searching through your contact information and disrespecting your mother are both attempts to isolate you from anyone who might be a threat to him and his relationship with you.

I would bet this is not the first of its kinds. I would bet he has shown a similar attitude toward some of your friends, coworkers, and any activities you engage in that do not involve him. He probably makes remarks that suggest he thinks you could or should spend your time doing things OTHER than spending time with those people. Maybe he's suggested that some of them are a bad influence.

Do not let him put a wedge between you and anyone important to you.

Your mother did NOTHING wrong. She saw problematic and disturbing behavior on his part and had a healthy reaction to it. If anyone owes an apology it is your boyfriend. However, he is too insecure and cowardly to own his faults and apologize to either you or your mother.

The last thing you need in this long and difficult life is a person who tries to push your biggest fan and supporter out of your life.

Good luck