[CapeCRunner]

Hey all... I just wanted to run something by everyone to see if anyone has ever been in my shoes...

Things are going well in my life. I have a great husband, we're having a baby, our jobs are both stable. I have these anxieties, or fears, that something could happen and shake it all up. There is no reason for me to think that, but I sometimes just have these visions of how horrible it would be if my husband left me, or if I had a miscarriage, or if I lost my job. It just weighs on my mind and I can't get it out at times. I talked to my husband about it briefly and he just smiled and said he wasn't going anywhere and that everything was fine. I know that, I really do deep down, but I just have these fears about not having him for no reason. Anyone else ever get unnecessary worries like this? Once in a great while I'll drive myself crazy over the idea. I don't know... hope this doesn't sound completely nuts!

[jen1447]

I don't have those worries myself but I've seen them in others, and they're usually people who have everything together like you. My theory on why it happens (and that's all it is) is that we're hardwired to worry about something in our lives. We prioritize worry quite naturally - you might have a health scare, an expensive car repair, and an unpleasant meeting with your boss to deal with, and guess what, the car and the boss aren't going to be worried about at all when the health scare arrives. Take away the health scare tho and suddenly the car and the boss can be very worrying. Likewise, when we don't really have anything to worry about, I think we sometimes make things up, or imagine unlikely scenarios like you're doing.

My mom does that - starts in about truly inane stuff if everything else is stable. If she calls about it I just listen and it seems to make her feel better. (I don't say "why are you worrying about nothing??" lol, because that would make her worry.)

Not sure what my advice is other than forewarned is forearmed. Maybe go out and get a real worry!

You'll be fine. Try not to worry about the things your worried about, and don't worry that you're worrying.

[atskitty2]

Did it begin or worsen with pregnancy? Could be partly hormones. Could be the protective instincts that kick in with pregnancy - trying to assure the security and well being of yourself and child.

Could be you're just a worrier by nature.

I think what you describe isn't even what I consider "worry" really. You're creating scenarios in your mind and I suspect if you take control of that and steer the direction of it, you won't feel nearly as bothered by it.

For instance, when you imagine losing a job, remind yourself that it isn't likely, but if it does happen, you will be just fine-you can maneuver the obstacles coming at you and come out better for it. Own the thoughts and rationalize the worry.

Hope that's helpful dear. Probably your hormones are playing a part here tho

[jns]

Let me suggest a solution that gets better with time. Start setting aside some of the wages of both of you for contingency planning. Do this even if you have a retirement plan from work. Usually you can do it with a 401k or a IRA. Do it with both if you can. Over time you should buy yourself free of those fears.

[CapeCRunner]

Thanks all of you for writing back in regards to this. I have a little more free time in the summer, which is also probably part of the culprit. I'll take all three into consideration. It's gotten a little more intense with the pregnancy, but I've had these types of thoughts before. My husband tries to lighten the mood by saying I have a fear of things being good. I've considered that I have a mild case of anxiety in general, but who knows. Thanks again for your words of advice.

[catwoman]

I am the same way. I worry about things until I later realize it wasn't anything to worry about at all. Just take a deep breath and try to think about something good in life. You do what it is called ruminating. You focus excess energy and thoughts on something negative and replay scenarios in your head until you've become anxious. Anytime you catch yourself doing that, try to think of something else, something good, or hum your favorite song, get the lyrics stuck in your head. At least then your mind won't be dwelling on the scary things.

[CapeCRunner]

thanks again for the advice!