[K4k4sh1]

Hi, I am the guy, here for my sexting friend of age 28/female.

We met in an online adult chat site and started sex chat. We both had fun but we also got to know about each other. We found we had a lot of similarities and exchanged our numbers. It became sexting and then phone sex. We enjoyed primarily our sex conversations, but we connected well. We felt each of us have a very similar thoughts and interests that brought us close. Finally we decided to meet one day outside.

Having never seen each other, we met at a common place (friend's place, alone) and were extremely thrilled and excited after seeing each other. We started slowly cuddling with each other and the heat made me advance on her. I did tell her before I touched her that if she ever felt uncomfortable, she can let me know and I would stop. We both ended up kissing and touching each other's privates. Then she felt a bit awkward and she stopped and I too stopped.

But after that night she is avoiding me. She isn't angry on me but she says she is feeling guilty about what happened with me - she getting intimate with a guy who she just seen. She doesn't say that it is my or our fault, but I think she is unable to come out of guilty feeling that she let herself taken by the heat to a stranger and forgive herself for tht. After hearing all this, I am now feeling guilty because she is a very nice girl and one of the sweetest persons I have ever met. She is now avoiding me and asking me to stay away for a while so tht she can forget what happened and get back to normal life. I am feeling very bad that she is so upset now and not feeling good to herself. Also she avoids me completely.

Can anyone help us how to get through this? I want her to be happy without all this guilty feeling. I also badly want to be in a good relationship with her. And I also want her to be happy and normal. Can anyone suggest some good ways for her to recover from her current mindset? Also what can I do for her to be happy and clear? Should I stay out of her life?

[Pollon]

She probably has some unhealthy or abusive history.

You want her to be happy and "normal" yet she is engaging in sexting and phone sex with strangers. And when it comes to potentially having a real relationship with someone she's already had virtual sex with, she crumbles.

If you're interesting "normal" it is probably time to start looking elsewhere.

However, if you want to "help" her, you might think about asking her for a "normal" non-sexual date and developing a full relationship with her. And eventually, when she is feeling safe with you, she might consider some therapy to overcome her "issues."

Good luck

[K4k4sh1]

Thanks Pollon for your response. However, I am unable to get her to talk to me. Even I thought of the same to take her out to a casual date like a movie or dinner. However she is not responding to me.

She says she is getting reminded of what happened between both of us on that night. She says she is trying to forget that night so that she feels better as if that night never happened and me talking to her will only remind her of it gain and again.

I am not sure what's her history but she didn't seem to have a bad one. Of course I don't know everything yet.

[K4k4sh1]

I am feeling bad that I caused her this troubled state. And the worst part is I am unable to do anything about it and I am not sure what to do. Should I give her some space so that she can recover from it herself or should I talk to her? If I should talk to her what can I say? As she says I obviously remind her of that uncomfortable moment. So I am now confused and stressed out.

[ChristinaHedge]

I think there were two people who were party to what was occurring. She is obviously trying to make you feel guilty and you are going into some kind of protect and support mode and save her from feeling bad. Not your fault. You may feel that you pressured her into something she came to regret, this means you were wrong and possibly akin to a rapist....no, she was just as willing as you were. You showed restraint and respect and whatever hang up or problem is her's and her's alone. You can not control her or make her talk to you or be happy or anything else. Control you.