[katzintheclouds]

Hi ladies,
I know that subject line sounds pitiful but it's true. All of you who have been helping me have no idea how much it means to me and how strange it feels that at this point, after feeling like I've lost my best friend, I have no idea who to turn to.

It comes in spells. One minute I'm okay, the next I can't stop crying. I don't understand it. I had a good break away from my everyday by house sitting for a friend that allowed me to spend so time with myself but I'm right back to it.

I know I need to seek help, I am looking into a local counseling service. The main truth is that I realize she was the one person I always knew who had my back, who would be there for me, who would always love me no matter what. I KNOW she still wants that, she does still consider me her best friend, but why am I struggling so much to keep that attitude?

I was wondering if she'd reach out to me because we haven't talked in two weeks, but then it hit me. Her husband just returned from his four month internship. And I should know better.

I am trying to write. I can't seem to get it into the proper form without crying halfway through. This is one of the most painful things I've ever been through which I don't understand. I don't understand it at all.

[jns]

This is the downside of love, the breaking up. Even if you later rebuild your friendship to a very strong form, it is not enough to keep you from going through love withdrawal now. Basically, its a chemical dependency withdrawal. When you were happy and elated about your relationship with her, your brain released chemicals that made your head spin with being in love. Now you are going through a withdrawal phase.

It will get better with time. If you go out with friends, you can distract yourself so it doesn't feel so strong.

[jns]

P.S. Hugs. I know what it feels like.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Honey, when you are lost, feeling down, we are always here for you.

Hugs.

I promise your next findings in life will be beautiful and awesome. It's just a stepping stone to the new ventures that await you though you can't see it, it's there and will happen.

[ChristinaHedge]

I think it sounds like depression and with depression you ought to try counselling and perhaps (under specific recommendation) anti-depressants. The missing ingredient? Time.

[Motorguy]

Hey katzintheclouds do you have family support to help you through your depression issue. Having family be around to get you out of the flunk has help me a lot plus friends as well. I have battle depression myself from some bad things that happen to me in my young life. So 4 years of intense therapy section has help me get pass this problem in my young life many years ago. But like CW said you have people here at WH who can help with idea to help you get pass these issue you are going through in your life.

[katzintheclouds]

This is the hardest part about things with where I am currently, I'd like to say I have support but I really don't feel that way. I feel like a burden to my closest friend, and as I've said, the person who I always turned to is the one I'm upset about! My brother & I aren't as close as I'd like to be, but I hope that changes. I KNOW in my heart it's just time. Time, time, time. It's a lot of factors all balling up at once that I am having a hard time finding out how to handle dealing with it all. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this, I've broken up with people before, been through tough relationship problems, but this? So strange. Several factors are affecting it all together too, being overworked and unhappy at my job, feeling trapped by my living situation, not having close friends physically near me that I feel connected to. I keep craving to start over.

It's the crying spells that I can't stand, I'll be fine, then I'll cry again. Then I'm okay, but then I'm hiding it. Holding it together at work, I want to scream and cry which I did tonight after leaving, in my car where I could be loud. It's just exhausting...

[effy2014]

I feel your pain. All you can do is take one day at a time and one issue at a time. There is no instantaneous cure. As you wrote, the main difference between your past break ups and this one is that you have lost your best friend in the process. Stay strong and cry it out. Come back here and vent as much as you need. But, for you in the long run, it is best to move on. She wants to have you on her terms regardless of your needs.

Tackle the relationship issue and then see how you can clear the decks and start over. I wish I had some other magic bullets for you.

[atskitty2]

I'm not a cryer katz, but sometimes I wish I was. It's good that you CAN cry. It's a good release.

I feel for you and agree with effy-come in here to let off steam when you need to. I can sympathize, I'm nearly 3 years out from divorce & still in rebuilding mode, including an unhappy job situation & re-thinking friendships. It takes time, as you said.

In the meantime, remember yourself. You're the best friend you have. Take care of yourself & decide to be happy, however it takes to bring that about in a day, even if it's just a few moments contentment.

[katzintheclouds]

Thank you for your replies, I am definitely a cryer, I always have been and I'm thankful that I'm able to realease it. The problem is, sometimes it's a bit too much in strange situations! But this definitely has been hard, it comes in waves. I was talking to someone about it (another friend who has never been that close to me, but seems to get it) said to me "It's like you've lost your safety net. You ran to her everytime you had problems, you called her to cry, when relationships were failing and fights were taking place, she was your sounding board. She was your safety net and now, she can't be anymore". That's totally it. I had no idea, like some epiphany, that THAT is the fear, and the scariest part of it all. Now all the sudden, there is no safety net right now. It was all HER. That's a big step right there to realize that, but also the gut wrenching part. I feel as if I've slammed into a brick wall.

But why is that I feel I therefore am completely alone and without her, I have no safety net at all? That is what is broken now that needs to be fixed..but how??