Women's Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

How do I let go of my boyfriends past?

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • How do I let go of my boyfriends past?

    Me and my boyfriend dated for a long time and ended up breaking up in the middle of June. It wasn't a great break up and left both of us pretty confused. I have an annoying tendency to fall back on guys when I'm vulnerable and that's exactly what I did. I ended up dating a good friend of mine (actually a guy my boyfriend HATES) and didn't tell my boyfriend since I was single. I felt like he didn't need to know. Well I definitely got my karma because this good friend of mine was a complete ************************************************************. He was constantly talking to other girls while being with me and even broke up with me and hours later I found out he was in a relationship with another girl. It wasn't a huge surprise because I had a gut feeling this was happening. I never really had deep feelings for this guy friend as much as I did for my boyfriend and I can genuinely say that I was still in love with my boyfriend while dating this guy.

    Even while we were broken up my boyfriend continued to text me constantly (not in a creepy way) just to show me how much he misses me and loves me. We have a ton of mutual friends and one of them told me a little while ago "I can tell this kid really loves you, when your name is brought up his face lights up." I've never felt the way I feel about boyfriend towards any other guy. We click and he's my best friend. He even sent me a really long text about how much he loves and cares for me and how he's never stopped.

    Soo, after me and this dumb kid broke up, I ended up calling my boyfriend (well ex at the time) and telling him about me dating this kid. I know I didn't have to but I wanted to be honest and felt like he should've heard it from me rather than someone else. He was pretty ****************ed at first which is to be expected. We're back together now and trying to let all of that go but it's hard. I know I made a mistake jumping so quickly into a relationship while I was still in love with my boyfriend.

    Yesterday I found out he slept with a girl that I was worried about back before we broke up. I have no right to be angry at all because I did even worse, so why am I angry? Well, I wouldn't say angry but i'm just nervous it'll happen again. I asked if they were ever seeing each other and he said "Well, we had sex once but I'm not sure that qualifies as seeing each other." and my heart just dropped into my stomach. He's told me over and over again that they are just good friends. I don't wanna start this whole "Stop talking to her immediately thing" because it's not healthy. He told me it was a one time thing and that's about it. But like I said, they still talk now. I asked him exactly when it was and he was like "I can't tell you the exact date haha, I don't really remember the exact day or time I slept with someone." He got into a car accident the night we started talking again and called me to come down and help him. So I don't think he would've slept with her after then because it was pretty much established that night that we were back together. He did say at one point it was around the time that he was trying to get in contact with me but I kinda kept blowing him off which would've been like 4 or 5 days before this car accident.

    This is so stupid that I'm this upset when I've done worse! I don't even know how he's dealing with me sleeping with the kid he hates! He now hates the kid even more but he told me "I love you, everyone makes mistakes." but it took him a few days to even say that to me because he was pretty mad at first. I have no right to be upset at him for this and I guess like I said, I'm more afraid of it happening again. We had a really long talk last night and he assured me it was a one time thing and she's not to be a worry at all. I'm afraid that she now poses a threat to this relationship. I have a hard time trusting and I feel like I have to keep asking him over and over again if this meant something to him and he's gonna end up leaving me because of how paranoid I am. It's like beating a dead horse, continuously asking him about this girl.

    Like I said, I know I have no right to be mad because I made a huge mistake myself that's even worse than what he did. How can I let go of this?

  • I have read this and I do not think you should pursue this. You have just got together again, why not just try to make the best of it? Why not just say, what was done was done and hopefully we are a bit wiser for it. Put a line in the sand with it and move on. You have no control on the past and if it taught you both about the value you guys have for each, then be happy that the experience taught you that.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by ChristinaHedge View Post
      I have read this and I do not think you should pursue this. You have just got together again, why not just try to make the best of it? Why not just say, what was done was done and hopefully we are a bit wiser for it. Put a line in the sand with it and move on. You have no control on the past and if it taught you both about the value you guys have for each, then be happy that the experience taught you that.
      True, I know I definitely have got to drop this but we've had trust issues in the past so thats what makes it hard. I've gone for such idiot guys that I end up getting screwed over and my trust level for men in general just keeps going down. My boyfriends not a saint, he's made some mistakes. I've made some mistakes. And that's what makes me nervous. I'm afraid if we get into a really bad fight one day he'll end up going to her since they're "good friends" (eye roll) and something bad will happen. I'm just a paranoid mess.

      Comment


      • Your feelings are understandable. You are not harboring resentment because he had sex during the breakup -- you are concerned about the impact of his sexual encounter on the future of your relationship. If BF still has feelings for the girl he had sex with, you might be faced with another break up.

        The only way you can resolve this is by talking it through. You need to believe that it was a one night issue and also to believe in his fidelity. Take it slow and really try to communicate your fears. Remember, if it was love, he could have had a relationship with her and not gone back to you. There are no positives in life, but you clearly want to have him back and he wants you.
        "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

        Comment


        • Originally posted by lyssdemarchand View Post
          True, I know I definitely have got to drop this but we've had trust issues in the past so thats what makes it hard. I've gone for such idiot guys that I end up getting screwed over and my trust level for men in general just keeps going down. My boyfriends not a saint, he's made some mistakes. I've made some mistakes. And that's what makes me nervous. I'm afraid if we get into a really bad fight one day he'll end up going to her since they're "good friends" (eye roll) and something bad will happen. I'm just a paranoid mess.
          My feeling lyssdemarchand, it's best you remain friends if you can. But this myself feeling you better off not trying to get back with your old boy friend. It looks like he hangs around because you no are dating a guy he hates well what about him. Well life is not what ever good for the goose is good for the gander.I would say you are young enough learn from your mistake and don't repeat them with the new guys. Nothing wrong with having causal friends if you keep it that way. Take it from me I am a dad of 4 daughters they done the same thing two of them had kids with two loser guys who are not in the picture at all period and never will be. But they have learn from mistake and are very picky who they date now days. My two youngest really not dating much yet but we will see what happens later with them.
          When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by effy2014 View Post
            Your feelings are understandable. You are not harboring resentment because he had sex during the breakup -- you are concerned about the impact of his sexual encounter on the future of your relationship. If BF still has feelings for the girl he had sex with, you might be faced with another break up.

            The only way you can resolve this is by talking it through. You need to believe that it was a one night issue and also to believe in his fidelity. Take it slow and really try to communicate your fears. Remember, if it was love, he could have had a relationship with her and not gone back to you. There are no positives in life, but you clearly want to have him back and he wants you.

            Has she not already done this? I thought that is exactly what she has done already, but she does not trust him anyhow? I do not think that continually ruminating or continually bringing it up with him will make it any more or less clear, it will just feed the obsessing over thing. The truth is she wants a caste iron guarantee that she cannot possibly have. She knows she cannot have that, but she wants it anyhow because she is afraid of being hurt without that guarantee.


            There are no guarantees in life and at this point in time his word is as good as she has and all she can hope to get. She has to decide if that is good enough for her.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by lyssdemarchand View Post
              True, I know I definitely have got to drop this but we've had trust issues in the past so thats what makes it hard. I've gone for such idiot guys that I end up getting screwed over and my trust level for men in general just keeps going down. My boyfriends not a saint, he's made some mistakes. I've made some mistakes. And that's what makes me nervous. I'm afraid if we get into a really bad fight one day he'll end up going to her since they're "good friends" (eye roll) and something bad will happen. I'm just a paranoid mess.
              So apart from making the conscious choice to move on OR alternatively decide the BUT apart from this what could be any other rational conclusion?

              Comment

              or

              Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

              Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

              Latest Activity On Our Forums

              Collapse

              Latest Topics On Our Forums

              Collapse

              • Normal to Like Significant Other Walking Around Nude in House with a Bush?

                Is it normal to like your partner to walk around fully nude in the house with a bush? To enjoy looking at "big chest" and "big behind"?...

                Today, 05:14 PM By lakeocean
              • Erotica

                I love erotica! It’s such a fun way to get off. Stimulating the mind and body at the same time. If you like to read erotica too, I’d like to know...

                06-09-2021, 12:14 PM By Zoë T.
              • Ever Tried Laser Hair Removal?

                I’m interested in getting laser hair removal for my pubic hair and armpits. I’m worried about the pain aspect of laser hair removal - if you’ve...

                06-09-2021, 11:40 AM By Zoë T.
              • Grower vs Shower

                Does anybody have experience with a guy's penis changing significantly in length when getting hard?? Or not changing at all? I've only experienced a tiny...

                06-03-2021, 04:40 PM By Julia W.
              • thinking of separation

                and getting an apt

                edited to say:
                changed mind as husband is going to build me 1st floor bedroom

                2 story house difficult...

                06-02-2021, 02:19 PM By amy40
              Working...
              X