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what to do?

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  • what to do?

    Me and my partner have been together 2 and a half years we have a baby together he wasn't planned but he's perfect.
    Problem is I don't feel he cares for me anymore we live together but I feel lonely and sad as he doesn't ever show me he cares for me. He shouts all the time and is lazy if I ask him to do anything it's a major thing and he says I'm nagging. When im Ill he never looks after me I still have to do everything. I've gotten to the point where I don't want sex I don't want to kiss him because I'm just so angry and upset that he isn't making the effort in our relationship. If I plan anything for his birthday or just try to make a effort he says I'm wasting money and I shouldn't of bothered. He says he loves me and trys to kiss me but I'm finding myself pushing him away because I want more from this relationship we are a young couple and I feel trapped as I dont want to break up with him but he doesnt do anything that makes me want to stay. I've spoken to him endless amount of times of why I'm upset and he just says what ever then acts as if I never said anything!

  • Hey ms Welcome to WH, most are sleeping being in Aussie Land, I'm only about to cook dinner.

    If you don't mind can you answer some questions?

    So how old are you two?

    Who pays the rent or Mortgage?

    Does he work?

    I'm just picking up that the relationship was relatively new, a beautiful child came into it so you moved in together, he doesn't like to do anything, it's a woman's job nor does he want any money spent as it's sparse but he still wants sex, but not intimacy .

    So your answers further would help our members and me reply further.


    • Oops I may have registered using the wrong time I'm in the UK so it's morning here haha we are both 21 we both work but I work 30 hours where as he works full time we put half and half into the house including rent. Yes I got pregnant 3 months into relationship but we didn't move in together until our baby was 9 months old he lived with me at my mums before then as I was to ill from having max to move out any sooner. We have a little bit of spare cash to do day trips or date nights but unless I arrange anything we don't do anything!


      • That's ok, people will reply tomorrow

        Well I guess at 18 he's still a kid, you know? Yet a woman at 18 can be ready for family and relations.

        3 months only together before becoming pregnant you are in the lust stage But he's a great man for giving things a go, and moving in with you when things were ok to do so.

        I "think" that he resents working all the hours he does as it was an unexpected pregnancy and maybe needs a bit more love?

        You know like it's not an obligation because of what happened he stood by you but rather a team of two that love each other , given you only knew each other 12 weeks when it happened.

        So date nights are important but so is giving love to him and feeling that love.

        Do you think you love him? I feel that he feels that he's just doing the right thing it was way too quick to fall in love.

        If you love him let him fall in love with you and your family.

        Perhaps realise at such a young age, he's not ready for the cleaning and doing stuff but if he felt you loved him as well he'd contribute more.

        It's hard love , relationships are hard but remember he took on this eyes wide open but not to have a Mother figure / wife yet, way too soon you two need to grow still, still be intimate and love each other .


        • I appreciate everything he does work wise maybe he does resent how much he does but we have both had to grow up quickly my life has changed alot to maybe he doesn't realise that?

          I love him it's coming up to our 3 years together he says that if he didn't love me he wouldn't be with me. It may be to young to think like a wife but I don't feel I am I'm just trying to be a family with him. He doesnt realise how much I do for him when he lived at home he had to do everything for himself from a young age as his mum is very career minded where as I'm very family ordinated I do everything for him now which I don't mind just feel he takes it all for granted it doesn't take much to put a empty wrapper he just finishrd in the bin.
          we are ment to be a team working together at this relationship it just feels one sided completely.
          He gets along with my family really well it's just the caring and effort that's a problem he never compliments me or makes me feel good about myself and especially after having a baby you definitely look at yourself differently. I don't no what I can do to make him see that sometimes I need a little bit of help around the house or maybe a early night if I'm ill or some time just us to where we can actually spend quality time together


          • CW's right, we all will comment more later - I just wanted to drop a quick line before going to work.

            You hardly knew each other when the pregnancy occurred & that changed the whole process of dating & getting to know each other. I think you should try talking to him, again if you already have. First figure out what it is you want & need. Then, Have a heart to heart, bare soul discussion on how you feel, what you think & where you want this to be & where you want it to go from here. Set some time aside for you 2, alone.
            Your dating relationship was cut short, but it doesn't mean you can't pick it up, continue to get to know each other as individuals (not as parents) and see if you can rekindle the fire.


            • Kitty and CW gave great advice. Men mature at a much later age than women. He was thrust into fatherhood and pseudo husband-hood well before he was emotionally ready. For many men their late teens and early 20s are a time for drinking and having fun, not raising a child. I will also say that the lack of a physical/sexual relationship (whether or not for a good reason) will start a downward trajectory for the relationship. The less physical the less his emotional commitment to the relationship.

              However, the two of you hardly knew each other and now you are seeing traits in him that may be "who he is". There a lots of men who are not romantically expressive or complementary. Others think that women should do all of the housework and, because he works longer hours, he can be lazy. Just read through this forum.

              The child will bind the two of you together forever. However, at 21, you do not need to commit yourself to a lifetime of unhappiness because you made a mistake at 18. The two of you need to learn how to communicate your needs and feelings -- not just you and not just in a poisonous (ie what he would see as a nagging) environment. If you can talk through this and, as you write, work as a team, you can have a happy and fulfilling long term relationship. Communication is the only way to solve these issues.
              "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"



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