I've wrote in here about my boyfriend before. We've known each other almost our whole lives and we were best friends for years before dating.
Basically, we stopped talking for about 2 years (nothing major, just drifted apart) and in January of this year, we started talking again. We started officially dating in April. He ended up cheating on me with his ex but I gave him another chance. I know I'll be judged for that but I think cheating is a very individual thing and it's hard to judge a situation you know nothing about. I was the typical person who said if I had a boyfriend who ever cheated, I'd leave in a heart beat. Like I said, I've known this kid for so long and I know him cheating was a terrible mistake. He wrote me this long message about how sorry he was and how this is not who he is and how much he cares about me. I think there are guys/girls out there who cheat once and continuously do it and I think there are others who make the mistake and realize because of the consequences, how terrible that mistake was. I did not take him back right away and I told him this is something we are going to have to work on for a long time. He completely understood and took 100% of the blame.
One of my good guy friends really got in my head though and convinced me that my current boyfriend was nothing good for me and he would be so much better. Yeah, no. I was naive enough to believe him and I think in some ways I was still angry at my boyfriend for cheating that one time that I almost thought it was a good idea too. So I broke up with my boyfriend and got together with this guy. We were much better friends and he ended up cheating on me after a month of dating. We don't talk at all anymore. I ended up going back to my boyfriend because I knew all along he was the one I loved. This sounds like high school drama and I'm not even in high school. Sigh.
So in early August me and my boyfriend got back together and I found out he slept with two girls while we were broken up. I was ****ed but he had every right to because I was the one who broke up with him. He told me he was drunk while hooking up with these girls. We talked about it, we got over it. Blah blah. So heres where my latest issue comes in....
All of us hang out with this other guy and I'm pretty good friends with him. Hes younger than us by two years but we've known him for a long time. I'll call him Adam. I definitely look at him as a younger brother kind of thing and he's my boyfriends best friend. Adam's been hooking up with this girl we all know and I'll call her Lindsey. Adam was telling me something that some girl said ( he didn't specify who) and she basically told him that he was bigger down there than my boyfriend. First off, WTF?!?! Why is Adam telling me this? Not something I wanted to hear. But because he was talking about Lindsey at the time I assumed thats who he meant told him. I immediately asked him if my boyfriend had and Adam was like "No, I was told this by another girl." This is really complicated but one of the girls (not Lindsey) my boyfriend hooked up with while we were broken up, our friend Adam hooked up with her too. So it is likely that this other girl did tell him that. I pestered him about it and he was like "Look, your boyfriend and Lindsey could have hooked up. I have no idea. No one has told me anything but they might've and that's really all I know." I then texted adam later in the day and was like "Um, Lindsey and my boyfriend are just friends right?" and he said "Yeah." and it's been about a week and I havent spoken to him since.
Lindsey hung out with my boyfriend, Adam, and our other friend all this summer. She's extremely close with Adam. Me and her aren't that close. If we all hang out together now, we talk and are nice to each other but I wouldn't call us friends by any means. So a few days ago Lindsey texted my boyfriend and said "Call me when you have a chance". So my boyfriend called her and I didn't get to hear any of the conversation because he has no service in house and you have to step outside to make a phone call. I know that sounds sketchy but it's definitely true since I'm there all the time. He came back in and I asked why she called and he was like "Um, just telling me something Adam told her." and I immediately knew what was up. He then said "You know it's just Lindsey right..?" And right then and there I knew Adam had told Lindsey I asked if her and my boyfriend were more than friends. We talked it out and he told me she was just calling him to let him know that I thought this. I can see why she would do that. I would also do that if someone thought I was hooking up with their boyfriend when I wasn't. I can also see her calling him and telling him "She knows."
I told him that Adam had mentioned something to me and that's why this whole thing started. My boyfriend told me he has never hooked up with this girl and I said "you should tell me now before I find out another time. It'll be much better to get it out now." He stuck to his story and said that they never hooked up. He went onto say that him cheating on me was the worst mistake of his life and I am the love his life and he still can't believe he did that. He said that he was so guilty after doing it and seeing how much it hurt me and him was the hardest part of it all and that he could never put me through that again or himself. I told him that since he cheated once it's always going to be a thought in my mind that he would do it again and he said he completely understood. He was honest with me and told me "I wasn't really looking at who she was as a person at the time, I was looking more at her features." as in her boobs. Which is a typical guy thing and it's unrealistic to think that your boyfriend isn't looking at boobs on another girl. It sucks but some guys are very visual it's just the fact that he notices she has big boobs but WON'T ACT ON IT. You're going to notice other people are attractive, it's human nature...I get that. It sucks to hear that he was looking at her that way but at least he was honest.
I guess my problem is...one of my friends says she thinks it's suspicious Lindsey called him and told him that. I see both sides. That's what scares me. We all hang out often enough that I can see where if Adam told her that...she'd go "Oh S******, that's not good." But lately, I've been definitely looking at it as more of a sign that she was giving him a heads up that I knew something happened. Idk. My mind feels like it's racing. Like I said, if I were lindsey and nothing actually happened..I would've called my boyfriend too and said "um, why the hell does lyss think this?"
Anyone have any thoughts? I know this is long and complicated but I just need some advice.
Basically, we stopped talking for about 2 years (nothing major, just drifted apart) and in January of this year, we started talking again. We started officially dating in April. He ended up cheating on me with his ex but I gave him another chance. I know I'll be judged for that but I think cheating is a very individual thing and it's hard to judge a situation you know nothing about. I was the typical person who said if I had a boyfriend who ever cheated, I'd leave in a heart beat. Like I said, I've known this kid for so long and I know him cheating was a terrible mistake. He wrote me this long message about how sorry he was and how this is not who he is and how much he cares about me. I think there are guys/girls out there who cheat once and continuously do it and I think there are others who make the mistake and realize because of the consequences, how terrible that mistake was. I did not take him back right away and I told him this is something we are going to have to work on for a long time. He completely understood and took 100% of the blame.
One of my good guy friends really got in my head though and convinced me that my current boyfriend was nothing good for me and he would be so much better. Yeah, no. I was naive enough to believe him and I think in some ways I was still angry at my boyfriend for cheating that one time that I almost thought it was a good idea too. So I broke up with my boyfriend and got together with this guy. We were much better friends and he ended up cheating on me after a month of dating. We don't talk at all anymore. I ended up going back to my boyfriend because I knew all along he was the one I loved. This sounds like high school drama and I'm not even in high school. Sigh.
So in early August me and my boyfriend got back together and I found out he slept with two girls while we were broken up. I was ****ed but he had every right to because I was the one who broke up with him. He told me he was drunk while hooking up with these girls. We talked about it, we got over it. Blah blah. So heres where my latest issue comes in....
All of us hang out with this other guy and I'm pretty good friends with him. Hes younger than us by two years but we've known him for a long time. I'll call him Adam. I definitely look at him as a younger brother kind of thing and he's my boyfriends best friend. Adam's been hooking up with this girl we all know and I'll call her Lindsey. Adam was telling me something that some girl said ( he didn't specify who) and she basically told him that he was bigger down there than my boyfriend. First off, WTF?!?! Why is Adam telling me this? Not something I wanted to hear. But because he was talking about Lindsey at the time I assumed thats who he meant told him. I immediately asked him if my boyfriend had and Adam was like "No, I was told this by another girl." This is really complicated but one of the girls (not Lindsey) my boyfriend hooked up with while we were broken up, our friend Adam hooked up with her too. So it is likely that this other girl did tell him that. I pestered him about it and he was like "Look, your boyfriend and Lindsey could have hooked up. I have no idea. No one has told me anything but they might've and that's really all I know." I then texted adam later in the day and was like "Um, Lindsey and my boyfriend are just friends right?" and he said "Yeah." and it's been about a week and I havent spoken to him since.
Lindsey hung out with my boyfriend, Adam, and our other friend all this summer. She's extremely close with Adam. Me and her aren't that close. If we all hang out together now, we talk and are nice to each other but I wouldn't call us friends by any means. So a few days ago Lindsey texted my boyfriend and said "Call me when you have a chance". So my boyfriend called her and I didn't get to hear any of the conversation because he has no service in house and you have to step outside to make a phone call. I know that sounds sketchy but it's definitely true since I'm there all the time. He came back in and I asked why she called and he was like "Um, just telling me something Adam told her." and I immediately knew what was up. He then said "You know it's just Lindsey right..?" And right then and there I knew Adam had told Lindsey I asked if her and my boyfriend were more than friends. We talked it out and he told me she was just calling him to let him know that I thought this. I can see why she would do that. I would also do that if someone thought I was hooking up with their boyfriend when I wasn't. I can also see her calling him and telling him "She knows."
I told him that Adam had mentioned something to me and that's why this whole thing started. My boyfriend told me he has never hooked up with this girl and I said "you should tell me now before I find out another time. It'll be much better to get it out now." He stuck to his story and said that they never hooked up. He went onto say that him cheating on me was the worst mistake of his life and I am the love his life and he still can't believe he did that. He said that he was so guilty after doing it and seeing how much it hurt me and him was the hardest part of it all and that he could never put me through that again or himself. I told him that since he cheated once it's always going to be a thought in my mind that he would do it again and he said he completely understood. He was honest with me and told me "I wasn't really looking at who she was as a person at the time, I was looking more at her features." as in her boobs. Which is a typical guy thing and it's unrealistic to think that your boyfriend isn't looking at boobs on another girl. It sucks but some guys are very visual it's just the fact that he notices she has big boobs but WON'T ACT ON IT. You're going to notice other people are attractive, it's human nature...I get that. It sucks to hear that he was looking at her that way but at least he was honest.
I guess my problem is...one of my friends says she thinks it's suspicious Lindsey called him and told him that. I see both sides. That's what scares me. We all hang out often enough that I can see where if Adam told her that...she'd go "Oh S******, that's not good." But lately, I've been definitely looking at it as more of a sign that she was giving him a heads up that I knew something happened. Idk. My mind feels like it's racing. Like I said, if I were lindsey and nothing actually happened..I would've called my boyfriend too and said "um, why the hell does lyss think this?"
Anyone have any thoughts? I know this is long and complicated but I just need some advice.
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