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  • msgp
    Junior Member
    • Sep 2014
    • 4

    I'm not sure if I'm still in love?

    I've been with my boyfriend for 2 nearly 3 years I got pregnant 3 months into our relationship wasn't planned.
    I'm really struggling I don't think I'm in love with my partner anymore. He's such a nice guy good provider and brilliant dad and I do care for him and love him but I don't feel it's enough. Meaning I don't find him sexually attracted to him anymore and I find myself feeling really Lonley and sad. I look at other people's relationships and they seem so happy and in love. I have been feeling like this for months no matter how much I try to re make the spark between us nothing seems to work I've also spoken to him about how I'm feeling but nothing has changed. He's not very romantic and doesn't make me feel good about myself. Thing is he says he's really in love with me and doesn't want to break up and I really don't want to hurt him he's been so good to me.
    Has anyone else felt like this?
  • effy2014
    Veteran Member
    • Apr 2014
    • 1777

    Staying in a relationship because you don't want to hurt your BF by breaking up is absurd. Do you think that he would feel better knowing you didn't love him but were staying in the relationship out of pity for his feelings? You will also get loonier and more despondent if you stay and nothing changes. That is a worse situation.

    The question is whether the spark would come back if he "changed" i.e. was more romantic and made you feel better about yourself. You said that the two of you have communicated and that he hasn't changed. Without trying to take the love out of it, have you been specific as to what you need and want? The detailed steps he needs to take? Men do not understand "I want you to be more romantic"; let him know what is important to you (I love getting flowers at work, little notes around the house, holding hands and kissing in public etc). You also need to make him understand that you need to have the spark to continue the relationship.

    Counseling may help the two of you communicate.
    "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

    Comment

    • Lovcookie
      Veteran Member
      • May 2010
      • 222

      The in love stage usually only last 2 to 3 years. Love changes over time. Having said that I can't say I "Fell in Love" with my present GF but I do have strong feeling for her, tons of lust, and enjoy her company on so many levels. We treat each other great. She has admitted she fell in love with me and still is (I am sure it is a different kind of In Love now though). My point is being in love is a great start to a relationship and I do think it is important but it ain't everything. On the other hand you do have to have a sexual attraction and want to be with them. Do you have a thing for another man? This can kill a relationship fast. It a tough situation. So you have guilt now keeping you in your relationship. It maybe time for some counseling. At least it helps get things aired out which should help your decision going forward.

      Comment

      • JasonParkins
        Member
        • Oct 2014
        • 26

        Originally posted by msgp
        I've been with my boyfriend for 2 nearly 3 years I got pregnant 3 months into our relationship wasn't planned.
        I'm really struggling I don't think I'm in love with my partner anymore. He's such a nice guy good provider and brilliant dad and I do care for him and love him but I don't feel it's enough. Meaning I don't find him sexually attracted to him anymore and I find myself feeling really Lonley and sad. I look at other people's relationships and they seem so happy and in love. I have been feeling like this for months no matter how much I try to re make the spark between us nothing seems to work I've also spoken to him about how I'm feeling but nothing has changed. He's not very romantic and doesn't make me feel good about myself. Thing is he says he's really in love with me and doesn't want to break up and I really don't want to hurt him he's been so good to me.
        Has anyone else felt like this?
        You may want to sit an talk to him, break it too him lightly "i don't feel the same as i did, i feel like we're more friends than anything, how do you feel"? and see what he says

        Comment

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