[Stillness]

I felt really sorry for the women who got caught up in the nude photo scandal. But it took an even sadder turn to me. Jennifer Lawrence explained that she was in a long-term and long-distance relationship and that either your man is going to look at you or he's going to look at porn. I was wondering if you all saw her comments and how it struck you. I found it kind of sad, that an intelligent, successful woman in the 21st century had to expose herself like that to keep a man's attention.

I really didn't think it was a big deal until I read that comment. Who doesn't want to be sexy and attractive, especially to your mate? But that explanation seemed like something from the middle of last century. It made me wonder if that's what's really going on with all of the sexting and a lot of the other phenomena out there, like the clothing becoming more and more revealing. If one of the brightest stars out there has to do this to keep a man, what must an insecure young person be thinking? Is this realistic? Do you feel like you're competing with pornography?

I admit that I look at other women. I try to be really careful, especially around my wife. She has a sense of jealousy that I think that me and most men can only understand on an intellectual level. It makes me feel bad when I think she's trying to compete. I feel like we're both losers if she's feeling insecure. I've had jealous attention. It doesn't feel good, even if it appeals on a baser level. It's not whole. We're not equals, friends, partners. It feels desperate, angry, and empty. Like I'm being serviced to be kept in line.

[Magnetism]

I've known quite a few girls that loved to send dirty photos, and it didn't necessarily "keep" the man's attention. Just because someone gets off on you naked and likes your body is no guarantee that someone wants to be with you in the long-run.

The statement, "Your man is either going to look at you or porn" isn't true for me. A guy can do both, lol.

In my opinion, I think sexting is dangerous only b/c of the consequences. If you break up with someone, it can get passed around. Even if you think your face isn't showing, it's still proof that it's from your number. But, it's fun and may give you a high.

If two people have trust and know for sure that they're in for the long haul, maybe I would be comfortable with certain photos.

[Motorguy]

Well my wife knows I look at other women I be lying if I say I didn't. I really believe it's in men DNA that we look at other sexy women. But my wife knows my love is for her only that I wouldn't mess up 27 years for a one night stand that's meaningless sex. But the wife knows how to keep my attention really well in the bed room so never any worries there for us there.

[effy2014]

I agree with you Stillness, it is indeed a sad commentary on the strength of her relationship and her own self esteem. The sexting isn't tragic, only the reason behind it. You would think a smart, talented and beautiful actor would think the only thing that keeps her BF interested is a naked pic. Mags is also right . . . he is no doubt looking at porn anyway.

[atskitty2]

I didn't see Jennifer Lawrence's comments, and I'm not sure really what scandal you're even referring to. I suppose I could google that. I think it's our culture. She's a young lady, early twenties right? That's a fairly standard expectation, unfortunately, I think, in the kids of that age. The high school girl's are competing against the other high school girls who'll gladly send nudes to the boys in school, etc. etc. Then the college-age girls take it another step further, maybe more of them start realizing they're also competing against the porn stars, & so it goes...I wish not to even think of the things I hear about the jr high school & elementary-age children.

There's an over-stimulation that I think is occurring with all the sexual imagery, with the ready-access to media, porn & whatever else these young adults can get their hands on. There's a constant need for entertainment, for "input" & at those ages when our hormones & curiosity are at their highest, we seek out those stimuli.

So, yes, I agree that it's sad & indicative of low self-esteem & lack of self-respect in some cases, but I also think that it's just expected, it's their "normal", and "standard operating procedure" for many in that generation. It's a change in the dynamics of relationships between our generations.

Obviously, I'm not suggesting they ALL do it, just that it's common & not perceived as a negative move any more.

[Stillness]

Then the college-age girls take it another step further, maybe more of them start realizing they're also competing against the porn stars, & so it goes

But are they? That's not a rhetorical question, because I really don't know. Can pornography replace a real-life woman for some people?

It feels like "reverse sexism" to me. It seems demeaning for both. Men and boys only want women for sex, so the woman who gives them the most erotic experience wins.

[atskitty2]

I really don't know either Still, it's one of my thoughts, but I think in some cases, yes. Think of some of the men & women who post here...seems some prefer the "perfection" of that staged porn experience over a warm-bodied, willing woman/man next to them. The illusions of the lights & angles make for beauty...and to equate that with what we can do w/our selfies...we can choose the pic we want to send, keep re-taking until we have the ones that show our best side, etc...we can't do that in real life.

Not sure what you mean by reverse sexism. Sexism is just sexism to me, whether directed at male or female.

I do think it's demeaning, and yes, the woman (or man) who sends the most revealing, most provocative pic & stimulates them the best "wins". It's a sort of game they play. The girls willing to go the furthest in media, may translate to doing more in person, it's just an extension of the sexual nature of teen/young adult relationships.

We, or I, may be getting a bit off topic, as it seems Lawrence sent these pics to her own boyfriend, is that correct? So, that's a little different, but I think the desensitization to these types of things, is established.
I would send my trusted, long-term boyfriend/husband suggestive pics, although not nudes. I think it is part of fore-play, and could enhance an already-established relationship & keep it interesting. I would certainly not send anything to someone of less status in my life.

[Stillness]

Sexism is just sexism to me, whether directed at male or female.

True.

We're on topic. The issue is not whether it's ok to send pictures. It's the worldview. In one, a woman sends a picture or flirty text because she wants to connect with a man and have her beauty appreciated. In another, the woman's body and sexual affection is a weapon in an arms race and the conquest for the attention of a man.

[jns]

Sending nude photos or even weird photos of yourself to another is inherently risky. Modern technology makes it so easy to do. Add the ease with self-esteem issues, even for those who are prettier or handsomer than average and you get this sort of result.

I believe that most people have never had a nude photo of themselves taken in their life. I have no nude photos of my wife because she does not want me to take them. I respect that. The only nude photos of me were when I was maybe 3 or 4 running around outside, photos my mother took with a Brownie camera more than 50 years ago.

Properly done cheesecake photos would be OK to send, IMO.