[sr14225]

I'm a female with a guy friend I've known for 8 years. about 6 1/2 years ago he met a woman half his age on a trip the organization we belong to went on (she's in the group also). I was concerned because she was half his age and he's married with two kids. I knew he was going through a rough time with his marraige and I couldn't stand seeing her seduce him. (not that he's innocent, but he was vulnerable). I came to find out that his wife wanted a divorce. They haven't been intimate in years and they don't get along too well. It took over five years (since he met his girlfriend), but they are finally divorced. His wife said that he (my friend) told her that he wanted to stay married and support her (the wife) emotionally but continue his affair with his girlfriend. Anyway, you would think that the relationship with his girlfriend woudn't stand a chance, but nearly 7 years later they are still together. He has his own house and she lives there for part of the week. I can't figure out why she doesn't live there for the entire week. Either this is the agreement or it's because her parent's house is very close to where she works. The reason I have a problem with this is because his girlfriend is insecure and she hates me. They had a huge argument a couple of years ago when he tried to give me a card for my birthday. They almost broke up because of it. I don't know what she's worried about. He used to be a fun guy to hang out with and talk to, but this isn't the type of guy I want to have a relationship with. In fact, I'm happily married.This relationship has totally changed him. He says he can't be friendly to me in public anymore. He says this isn't how he wants to live his life but he doesn't want to **** off his girlfriend. My problem is, we all belong to the same organization so we see each other regularly. There has been so much tension and he has had to go through so many arguments every time he would have a simple conversation with me that he just gave up and doesn't socialize anymore. I really hate this tension when I go to this organization every week. I even decided to take a break for awhile. I just can't figure out how this relationship is working and why he wants to stay with her or why she wants to stay with him. It all seems so complicated. I don't approve of what he does personally, but he has been a good friend to me and he said that he values my friendship. We only see each other at rehearsals and I don't consider myself to be a threat and I don't want to date him. I don't understand why I have to lose a friend simply because his girlfriend is insecure. I can't figure out what he sees in her. Maybe it's because she's young, looks good in a bikini, and she wants to be intimate with him. The thing is, I just don't understand either one of them. This whole relationship thing just doesn't make sense to me and I don't know why she feels threatened when I'm happily married and don't want an intimate relationship with this guy. I tried to talk to her and resolve things, but nothing works. I guess I just have a hard time trying to accept that I'm going to lose a friend that I've known for 8 years for reasons I just don't fully understand. Sorry this is long.

[alibaby]

Leave him alone.

sr14225,

Their complicated relationship is their business, not yours. Sometimes, you have to step back and just let the people you care about live out their lives, even if you don't like the people they are with or the choices they make. Sad that you may lose your friendship, but I say leave him alone and stop obsessing over what goes on with him and his girlfriend. You do not need to be part of their problems because of his girlfriends insecurities. I feel sad for you, but let him live with the choice he made.

[C]

Their relationship works because they are in love. When two people feel the way that these two people do for each other they can survive anything. What seems big to you is nothing to them. They are happy just being happy and that is all that counts.

You must realize that they have a life and you have a life. Just perhaps your feelings for him may be just a bit stronger than you thought they were. Let's face it we are all women and even a small compliment can make our day.

If it bother you that much and you are uncomfortable with the situation, stay away. Otherwise be happy with your life, count your blessings and move on....