[[MiffyKoala]]

I'm assuming its ok to post this here?

Sorry its abit long,


Ok, here goes, i have a friend, my best friend who i see atleast 3 times a week i also have a bf who i want/love to see, the problem is, i duno if she realises she does it, but she gets offended if i say im seein my bf, not all the time but most of it, if anythin i feel like she sees me as a bf type which is kinda creepy, she dosnt have a bf and has many probs in finding one etc so i feel shes really clinging to me.

She asked me to stop over after going out but i said im stoppin at my bfs as he wants me to and i made plans to after anyway, and all i get is 'oh, well its not like you see him all the time is it'....so i responded with 'you know, im gona get you two in a room to talk this out cos i feel stuck in the middle', then she said ' i didnt mean anythin by it'....? wtf, ofcourse she did?! Why would she treat me like an enemy, almost?

Other probs im having is when we go out, cos i dont work and im on benefits i cant afford to go out alot so we go out together with my bf, even when were out she sticks to me to be honest..but one of the last times i mentioned us all going out she said she wasnt going to because shes the only single person in the group and she feels my bfs all over me, which he isnt, and for gods sake he is my bf! So i told her not to be so hard on herself and just come out etc, in the end she came out but it feels like shes putting the guilt trip on me. We dance together and everything im always there for her alot of other ppl would hang more with their bf im sure.
I remember once when we were out and our other friend pulled her to one side and said to leave us (me n my bf) alone for abit and let us hang out as we'd just started going out etc, he then said to her, 'just cos you cant get a bf dosnt mean noone else cant', yes that was very harsh but im starting to see why he may of said, as well as being drunk, heh.
She told me this and ofcourse i want to hang around with her and i agreed that was mean thing for him to say to her but no thinking about it part of it is true, she said 'you would tell me wouldnt you' i think even if i did she'd get offended etc.

I feel trapped.

I'd never EVER say the stuff she says to me, if she had a bf and when she did live with hers a few years ago i never moaned etc i was happy for her etc, i think she is happy for me but for some reason i think she feels i owe her time or im dumping her for my bf.

I see her 3 times a week! Thats half of my week, most friends with or without bfs dont do this so ive heard? Its really starting to annoy me but shes one of those people who thinks everythings against them and im gona leave her for my bf, which im not.
She also dosnt really seem to appreciate that im 'ill' it makes my anxiety a hell of alot worse and ive told her this but she just dosnt seem to stop doing it?


She even sent me a msg on myspace cos i cudnt go this thing next week and moaned in it that its a really special thing etc and i see my bf 3 times a week(alot?) and her 3 times a week and the rest its all 3 of us (me, my bf and her)...etc......

Then i got another msg saying to ignore it it dosnt matter...well it does matter cos shes said it, it sounds rediculas to me and really rude, i could see her alot less if i wanted but then she'd think im ditching her, shes pushing me away and im starting to have had enough.
So i changed my plans to the week before so i could go to this meal with her cos i felt so ****ty, yes i do want to go but i feel ive been guilted into it which makes me not want to go.

I try to see it in a positive way, she loves being with me etc but i do think its wrong for her to demand so much time with me, i wouldnt do this to her, or anyone. Shes so easily offended i just cant win.

Were even going away next week for a holiday to stop at another friends house, what more does she want!!?!? I cant and wont spend over half a week with my friend and ignore my bf, to me this is foreign and i think to others it would be too.


I'm one of the only friends i feel who has stuck by her for years and put up with it, its taken a while to realise this as i feel im a bad friend to make her act in certain ways when in fact im a really good friend and shes the one being unreasonable.


Thanks for getting this far! :0)

[Little]

She is disrespecting you in the utmost.
Let's flip it for a second: what if it were your boyfriend telling you not to see your friend? Wouldn't the "controlling" blinker go off in your head? Well, your friend is being controlling, not just clingy.
You could try to take a "trial separation" from her. Spend a week, one little week with your others friends as well as your boyfriend, but not her. Don't speak to her, not on Myspace or any other way ... don't even log on if you can't help it.
Of course, tell her that you're doing it; don't just leave her hanging. Tell her why. She's disrespected you; hurt your feelings; do you deserve that? No, you don't. You are doing it because you care about her and you care about your friendship. You want it to stay strong.
That's just a suggestion. Let us know how it pans out.

[[MiffyKoala]]

oohh..yeh it is a toughy, she is there for me etc but i guess it is alittle disrespectful, the odd thing is shes the one with more friends that she sees, i have depression etc and i dont work cos of it so i dont really have many ppl i stay in touch with or see in person, but it dosnt really bother me too much, i love her dearly as a friend but it feels like im in a relationship with her, as in a bf/gf type thing, it is odd and i am going to say something to her if she comments me like that again, i really dont see it as fair.