[goofball717]

Let's call him Dee.

Dee and I broke up almost two years ago. I don't know why he did it. He never gave me a reason, just "it's not working out." We were together for a year. Everybody thought we were so right for each other. It even saddened our friends when they found out we weren't together anymore.

Fast forward two years and I'm still here thinking and missing him. What am I doing wrong? I know I haven't moved on, rather I've coped. I see him a lot since we work together but we don't talk to each other at all. Sometimes we'd cut eyes at each other but once we catch us looking at each other we'd look away.

I've tried being with other people. But I know I'm just forcing myself to be with them. Deep down, I still want Dee.

I don't know what to do anymore. It's two years, I'm happy but I'm missing him. Can someone help? Thanks.

[kaylar]

We tend to glorify past relationships, remembering
the good times, often festooning them with ribbons,
forgetting the bad times.

To get over a relationship requires a conscious
effort to fight 'upstream' as it were.

This actually works, although on first reading
it might not make sense.

Try to recall all the unpleasant incidents.
Waiting for him, an insult, a lie, anything
that was non-positive.

Find an object in your surroundings. It could
be a tree seen through the window, a desk
ornament, a coffee cup, any object with is
pretty much 'permanent' in your area.

As soon as you begin to think of this man,
immediately look at the object, and recall
the unpleasant incident in as much detail
as you can.

At first, it will be a bit difficult, over time,
as soon as you think of him or see him
your eyes will instantly go to the object
and you will be washed with the negative
thoughts.

Eventually, it becomes second nature so
that he becomes an embodiment of unpleasant
memories.

You will begin to not want to look at him,
not want to think of him, and he will pass
out of your life seamlessly.

[kv08]

kind of agree

I sort of agree with what kaylar is saying about attaching negative experiences with Dee, but at the same time, I don't know if that's the best way to get over missing him. I think you are really missing the kind of person he is all around, and I don't think deceiving yourself into thinking badly of a person and then harboring bad thoughts toward them is neccessarily the answer. I think the heart is smarter than your brain's attempt at tricking you into thinking that way. The key is to zone in on the great things about Dee that you miss so much and look for those qualities in other people ,because he is definitely not the only man that has those qualities. As soon as you find someone else that is carrying some of those same positive attributes you'll find yourself attracted to them in very strong ways and eventually they'll replace Dee in that respect and you'll learn all of the even better things about the new person and Dee will just fade into relationships past. You'll always remember the good things and the bad experiences you had with him, and those should be learning tools to take with you into the next relationship. Be strong and know that it's over but that you are not the loser in the situation. You are a strong, independent, confident woman and it was his loss in ending the relationship. But now you have the option of doing whatever you want to find someone else. Think of something you want to try that he didn't do, a hobby or some interesting activity, and go do it, with another girlfriend or alone, and I guarantee you will meet someone worthy of yourself that already has an immediate shared interest. You need to focus your energy on things outside of work since that is the place you have to see him, and then at some point, work will be work, it'll whiz by, and you won't be able to wait to get out of there and do the things that make you truly happy with someone new.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think recalling the negatives and fixcating on an object to remind you of this is an excellent idea.

This would be good for me for smoking. I can think of many usages.

I work with young ladies and i am their employer. I also have over sexed men up-stairs who also work for me.

My days are interesting in watching, listening and advising as best as i can.

I have found those "girls" women in their own right 23 - 28, out of a relationship have all had one thing in common.

Whom ever their last love was, is the one they want back.

Now by this i mean. 1st it was the last relationship. Then they moved on to a new one but it didn't work and within weeks their back on their own. Instead of then talking to me about how much they want back that first relationship they are talking now about wanting back this new one.

The reason i can ascertain is the new one made them feel better than the last one and therefore, they are the one that they are thinking of, i think i love him, i need him, want him, can't stop thinking about him what do i do.

Fear. Lonliness. Which brings them to the only one they know at this point in time that can make them feel happy.

I look deeper then to what they do outside of work. Not much other than family.

I look at what they crave for. When's the next party girls, where are we going.. I need a man.

Whilst the whole time they are talking still about that "last" man and how much they miss him.

Find things that interest you. Start doing things therefore that you will love to do. You will then surely love life more and yourself.

And, all of a sudden the one you think you pine for, you may find that you are just pining for love.

Lots out there to love, hobbies, animals, you.. you...

I can only imagine how many negatives you will then come up with on that particular person of things that you actually really didn't like about him afterall and what were you thinking.

Hardest thing to do is to move on.....

[C]

We tend to glorify past relationships, remembering
the good times, often festooning them with ribbons,
forgetting the bad times.

During this time in our life it seems like we can only remember all the good which makes us the guilty party...This you have to fight....

To get over a relationship requires a conscious
effort to fight 'upstream' as it were.

You may always have to fight it but fight because you know in your heart that it will not work..


Try to recall all the unpleasant incidents.
Waiting for him, an insult, a lie, anything
that was non-positive.

Don't let your mind play games with you at these times...The other person may be aware of this and waiting for you to fold...You must be strong

Find an object in your surroundings. It could
be a tree seen through the window, a desk
ornament, a coffee cup, any object with is
pretty much 'permanent' in your area.

I choose a gold necklace that my husband gave me that I have never taken off...

As soon as you begin to think of this man,
immediately look at the object, and recall
the unpleasant incident in as much detail
as you can.

For me I fingered the gold and remembered the love he had for me and first of all that I belonged to him and always have..

At first, it will be a bit difficult, over time,
as soon as you think of him or see him
your eyes will instantly go to the object
and you will be washed with the negative
thoughts.

It is true that time makes everything easier

Eventually, it becomes second nature so
that he becomes an embodiment of unpleasant
memories. You will begin to not want to look at him,
not want to think of him, and he will pass
out of your life seamlessly.

It has made it easier....Let's leave it at that.....

Kay, this is a great post......People should remember it......A wise woman told me to do this and it helped.....You see, there is another wise woman besides you.....

[kaylar]

When a relationship ends, we tend to believe
that it will never be that good again. Or you
will never feel that way again.

When relationships end there was a reason.
There was something wrong.
Or else it wouldn't have ended.

One person might believe everything is great
missing all the symbols that the other is trying
to end it.

One might be afraid of new things, so clings
to the past.

When a relationship ends (outside of death)
the first thing you must realise is that it
wasn't perfect. It wasn't that good.

When one focuses on the negative aspects
one begins to see more of the relationship
than one did at the time.

For example, one woman remembered having
to wait for two hours for her husband to pick
her up. When he came it was like, so what?

So what?

She had virtually huddled in that dark building
on that dangerous street, and it was nothing
to him.

Now it wasn't just him being late, which is where
she started her memory, it was all those forgotten
aspects of him driving up at seven o'clock when
her building emptied at five.

So remembering that one lateness prompted her
to see how unconcerned he was about her.