[SMM]

I have always had issues socially . Nothing abnormally bizarre, but I have always been very shy, never like to go out much, I prefer staying at home and I tend to keep to myself. I can honestly say that I have never had a real friend all throughout my life. I don't remember much from my elementary years but middle I kept to myself and high shook was horrid- I was picked on and made fun of (which I never understood because I was always nice to everyone when they did talk to me.) it hasn't ever really been a problem for me being alone. I didn't mind staying home on weekends while everyone was out or not getting invited to do things. But now at almost 21 years old I all of the sudden have developed this overwhelming sadness when it comes to my lack of relationships with people. I have tried to make new friends at college but it either never works out or I'm left trying VERY hard to keep that friendship going when they aren't and I end up looking clingy . I have literally upsetted myself so much over this situation and will break down crying when I think about it. I very much enjoy my alone time but it breaks my heart knowing that when I do wanna do something that I have no one. I don't get it, I'm very nice to everyone , I have a big heart, I am very shy but I have stepped out of my comfort zone recently and attended social events in an attempt to make friends . I've always had terrible self esteem issues, I think it stemmed from my childhood and my mom always critiquing my weight or how I looked, but I don't think I let that show when I interact with people? I don't know. I see a therapist but it isn't much help. Has anyone had a VERY hard time making friends? How did you fix it? Any advice is great

[atskitty2]

How long have you been seeing this therapist? It may be time to try another counselor. If this one isn't helpful, find one that is. Therapists aren't all created equal. One may not be as skilled as another, so some trial & error with these folks is necessary. A good counselor is your best bet, I think, at "fixing" the issues that built this barrier in your life. And, please realize that this will likely take awhile. It isn't something that will be remedied in a session or 2 and some tweaking of your social technique. This is a component of your personality that has been years in the making, and won't be reversed quickly. It can be done, I don't mean to discourage you. But please realize that "fixing" it will be a difficult process.

I applaud you for it. Having a social life is healthy, and you will find so many areas of your life are improved with the interactions and friendships you build. I'm not surprised that you are finally seeing the value that friendships could bring to your life & having those social bonds, and are seeking to improve this.

Otherwise, I don't have much to offer in the way of advice. I have no idea what happens that you aren't able to build any friendships, but I think your self-esteem probably has a lot to do with it.

[DreamP346]

SMM, I have always had difficulty making friends too. In school, I was the girl everybody knew and was friendly with, but not close with. Even today, I have the same problem. I basically have developed a handful of close friends that I say connected with some over decades and over continents. Yes, that means I can't call up my friends and have a girls' night out whenever I want, but that is the way my friendships are. I also wish I had more closer friends, but I have a difficult time connecting with people and finding people I actually WANT to connect with.

My advice, keep looking. You need to find somebody similar to you. It may take a while. Maybe even years. But once you do, you will stay connected for ever.

Also, try connecting through technology like social media and forums like these. You can develop great friendships at places like this. It is not exactly the same type of friendship where you can hang out together, but it gives you the opportunity to connect with people and chat.

What types of social activities are you participating in? Do you go to events you have an interest in or just ones you think you will meet people at? Make sure you go to activities that you enjoy, that way you will find like minded people. Also explore some "nerdy" activities. Is there a board game meet-up nearby? Join a club. In high school, I joined the Math club. I was the most popular girl in the club considering I was only one of 2 girls and the other one never said a word. Clubs give you the opportunity to work together with other people and meet them regularly without asking them to hang out with you. You also get to share experiences. Try volunteering.

[Motorguy]

Well SMM what I can say is get involved with like a church function group. Then start interacting with them like pot luck lunches and dinners with bingo nights and etc. I am not saying becoming a big religions person. But there's is many things you can do with function within the city you live within with clubs that you can join to meet new people and make friends with and have a good social life. But nothing going to change till you get off the couch and the house. My self seeing a therapist, will not make you less shy. Myself I was shy as a kid, but I got involved with sports in school and made many new friends just doing this. So good luck SM and I hope you can get out there and meet nice and fun people who you can call a friends one day.

[raindancer]

SMM, it takes a lot of time and energy to make friends. When we get to a certain point in life, everybody has already their friends from school time, or neighborhood, and if we aren't part of that circle, it's difficult to get in. You talk about your self-esteem issue, but I don't think it explains it. I love myself to bits and I also don't have a legion of friends.

In my observations, people like to be around other people with children, when they have children, or people who drink alcohol, when they drink alcohol. And then, there are the religious people, people who believe in gods. I don't fit with any of these groups. I don't have a lot of friends, because my interests are very particular, I suppose.

Instead of concentrating on making friends, concentrate on loving yourself. Start doing interesting things, not to meet people through them, but to meet yourself. You can be your best friend. I'm mine.

[cristyloe]

interesting thread