[caster]

My wife of 32 years has over the course of the last 10 years lost most of her libido and has little desire for sex. She still does it but at times she acknowledges it's just a chore she does for me, and while her libido has gone down my has actually gone up.
Mind you we do not have a bad marriage, but she knows she cannot, or no longer has the desire to, keep up with me sexually. While I'm at several times a week, she's happy with once or twice a month if that, so the gap is pretty wide for a compromise that is satisfying to us both. We have and do still try to improve on it though.
Enter our friends, we've known her for over 25 years and I've always flirted and we've had sort of a crush on each other. Her husband is a nice enough guy but nearly impotent and has no sex drive at all, while she's in the prime of her sex life and frustrated
We've all, including my wife and her husband, made jokes that she and I need to get together to satisfy our urges, and it's getting to the point now where she and I have actually discussed it privately wondering if the next time it comes up if we should ask if they're serious, and pursue it.
Neither of use has any desire to be with the other as a couple, but we both have insatiable sexual appetites married to spouses that have lost theirs over time.

We both heard you should never bring sex into play with friends but usually that's threesomes or covert affairs, this would be almost a concubine situation.
Still we both wonder if we should, we'd like to since we're both sexually frustrated, we are attracted to each other, but we also still very much love our spouses, we just deeply miss the physical part. I think she's had a one night stand or two based on conversations she's had with us. Didn't admit to them but she's that sexually frustrated at times. It's crossed my mind too but I'm not that frustrated, yet.

While some may dismiss this as a fantasy I've actually seen this work long term. Two couples, of my Grandparents friends, had this arrangement, worst kept secret in our church and group of friends, but since everyone seemed happy and no one openly discussed it, it was basically ignored as if it weren't even happening.
They continued on for probably 25-30 years and we'd see both couples together often at our family gatherings, with their spouses, kids grandkids, etc... They did finally end up together in their 80's after their respective spouses died.

Most of the women I've read on this board seem to think open mindedly once they think a subject through, so I am curious what some would think about this.

[Motorguy]

This part of your marriage needs more communication in it as what I see. Because there's a difference between love and sex. So my suggestion you four sit down and discuss this issue out together.You may be very surprise the answer you may get. But it's good you held onto those marriage vowels as your friends wife has already dip her toes into the world of adultery to satisfy her sexually urges. So you two getting together with the husband blessing along with you're wife as well. Then it's really not cheating per say when both other spouses know of this prearrangement before hand. Good luck and I wish you the very best what you ever decide to do.

[jns]

It is worth discussing, although don't expect to have a green light immediately, if at all. Sometimes things need time to percolate. One of the jealousies or worries, that of the other having a younger sex partner, would not be applicable in this case. Pregnancy is also probably out. On the other hand, it would be safer since one partner would know where the other is. Would you two set up a certain night of the week?

[caster]

My wife and I have had the sex-love discussion many times. Sex just isn't important to her and she knows how miserable not having it makes me. The same conversation has been had by the other couple. I guess that's one reason the subject keeps coming up when we all get together, it's a problem we all four relate to.

I agree that it might be something that needs to percolate in everyone's mind for awhile since they're no going back once it's done.
We're more concerned over how our spouses would feel afterwards, so we'd like for it to be their idea since they're the ones that keep bringing it up.
To test the waters we thought the next time they do we stop the conversation and ask: You guys keep bringing this up, is this something you would feel comfortable with us actually doing? and see where the conversation goes from there.
As far as when or where we'd do this? No idea. Weekly, monthly, opportunity? Would they want to be there in the house? Would we want them in the house? Would they even want to know when we were together? Motel? Alternate homes?
The main stipulation I'd have is not in each others master bedroom, other than that I have no clue what would work best.

[Ashlee T.]

I believe there are times this works but they are incredibly rare. But generally, I think it's a recipe for disaster, aimed at instant gratification but winding up involving much more emotion than expected.

If it's the route you take, I hope it does not backfire. Everyone deserves happiness in this life.

[caster]

It's definitely something that we'll take very-very slow. There would be no "convincing" anyone to go along, it'd have to be mutually agreed upon, and even then we'd know the risks.
Who knows, even with their blessing we might decide it's not worth the risk, but given the current situation and how long it's gone on it's apparent all four of us has thought about it to some extent. Maybe it is time to put it on the table as an option the next time it gets brought up.
After 32 years my wife knows I have no intention of leaving her, we're very happy together, we've just grown apart sexually. Pretty sure the other couple is the same way, and we're not looking for swapping, swinging or dating around either.

[Motorguy]

Well yea if your wife and her husband keep bringing up the idea of you two hooking up then yes it needs to be discussed more. I would say a hotel and not in each other bedroom or house that's wouldn't be right. But setting the rules up front and let them know how often you two would need to get together to have the sexually pleasure together. Like BD was saying these type of relationship normally don't last, but again there a very small percentage of couples that this type of relationship can work. So good luck and wish you the best on what you four finally decide to do. 🤗😎

[sexy brenda]

It's definitely something that we'll take very-very slow. There would be no "convincing" anyone to go along, it'd have to be mutually agreed upon, and even then we'd know the risks.
Who knows, even with their blessing we might decide it's not worth the risk, but given the current situation and how long it's gone on it's apparent all four of us has thought about it to some extent. Maybe it is time to put it on the table as an option the next time it gets brought up.
After 32 years my wife knows I have no intention of leaving her, we're very happy together, we've just grown apart sexually. Pretty sure the other couple is the same way, and we're not looking for swapping, swinging or dating around either.

I was like this once until I was age 50, grown apart sexually. And my husband and I got friendly with another couple. We have been having sex with the other partners for 3 years now and indeed the sex life of my husband and I have also improved. My husband and I, along with the other coup;e, never have sex with any other persons, it remains with the four of us, no extra swapping or swinging..

[macon]

I read this thread with extreme interest. Beautiful Disaster's and Motorguy's comments feel quite sound to me, then chimes in Brenda with an extramarital solution to a situation similar to what Caster describes. But the fact that all four partners are involved in Brenda's sex life feels to me like a solution in a different category. With both spouses there every time, and all sharing in sex, it feels like it could be stable over time. And indeed she reports it's been stable over years.

I wonder where Caster and his friend would have sex and when, and especially what the non-sexual pair would do to pass the time while their spouses are having sex. Seems to me that most of what they would do is be anxious. If Caster and his friend have long been attracted to each other, despite Caster's assessment that his marriage is solid and enduring, couldn't the power of repeated sex with one other build love and feelings of exclusiveness in them? If I were any of the four in Caster's situation, I'd be uneasy about that prospect.

I'm not judging in the least or giving backhand advice with questions. I write my own fears and concerns. I've whined about my own high-libido-no-libido problem in a similar thread, and I'm very, very interested to hear others' thoughts on what Caster suggests.

[caster]

At this point my wife has been making efforts to pick up the pace with me, like a New Years resolution, but it's extremely hit and miss. One good O for her and it's like she forgets about sex completely for weeks. I have to keep bringing it up just to satisfy my urges. She realizes this and tries to get interested again, and the cycle repeats. She does try, but we're a complete mismatch sexually now, and she now knows it.
We haven't seen our friends lately, just a busy time of year, but her name keeps coming up in conversation since she's a good friend to us both, so it'll be interesting to see if the flirtation picks up where it left off.
We're hoping to have a card game evening with them soon, we usually play one of those risqué innuendo games, so the subject always turns to sex and that's usually when he "you two" comments start.