[atskitty2]

So, most of you know, I've been divorced for now 4 years. Periodically, my ex husband will text or call me. He's texted me this weekend most recently, and thankfully I was at work.

About 2 yrs ago now I think, he called me, we had about a 3 hr conversation and I thought/hoped he'd gotten things out of his system and would leave me alone. But no, the random contacts have continued.

I've suspected many times that he watches my home...but I'd believed he stopped that. I can't prove it or confirm it...

He has contacted family and friends and told tall tales and tried to cause trouble.
I just want this to stop. He's also threatened to do things, make accusations, that could ruin my reputation, knowing in my profession, I'd be ruined.

My counsel has encouraged me to file a cease and desist order. I am considering it. I just don't know that he will stop any other way. I don't think this will stop him, in fact I fear it will escalate the matter further. That's what I think he wants...he is just trying to get a reaction.

I don't trust him and I do have a low level fear of him. I believe he's mentally unstable and unpredictable and I really don't want to incite a violent or verbal confrontation...

It's been 4 .5 yrs since I left....it's time to let go for Christ's sake...

Any insights? Suggestions?
I really do not need the stress.

[Ashlee T.]

Yikes. Again we share some similar experiences as I have issues with an ex (or two) who can't seem to move on after years of being apart. I can totally understand why it's bothersome for you.

I don't know what your profession is, but could he truly ruin you in that sense?

If all he's doing is calling and texting, I'd just continue ignoring him and continue moving forward in life. Block his number if you have to. If he watches your house there's not a thing anyone can really do about that as long as he's not harming you or trying to harm you.

Tall tales are a right of passage in most divorces. Lol. I HATE when someone tells untruths about me. But, there isn't a lot you can do to change that other than confirm to yourself that anyone who knows you will know better and those who don't, don't really matter anyway.

I don't know...unless there is more to the story (and I know there always is, because it's difficult to type an entire situation into a post), I'd just keep moving, ignore him, don't answer calls or texts (save them for documentation), let close family and nearby friends of yours know that you're slightly concerned about him so they can be a watchful eye, and just keep on going with your life.

[DreamP346]

I've been in your situation. This ex harassed me for years. I come from a very conservative culture and he tried to humiliate me by telling everybody he could find that we has sex (when I was growing up, girls who dated were considered loose. You can image what they would call a woman who had sex). I had to get a trespass order against him from my college. That prevented him from coming to campus. Other folks on campus knew about it and would not pass this annoying message to me which he was always trying to do. After I left college, I tried not to talk about it. That didn't help. He tried to make friends with my group of friends. They thought he was a nice guy. So I told them the truth and they started re-thinking his behavior. Suddenly, they noticed he was a little obsessive over me and he just tried to force his friendship on them. If I hadn't told them the whole story, they would have become friends with this guy.

I would recommend getting the legal papers. If things escalate, you will have a paper trail and show it wasn't a one time behavior. I think the last contact was 7 years after we broke-up. That's how long it lasted. I was getting married at the time. I did notice that he would back off when I was involved with somebody.

[atskitty2]

BD, it may be a bit exaggerated, but his words could certainly cause a big loss of respect in my work. He isnt spouting accusations of cheating and lying, he is telling people I am a child predator, an animal abuser among others....so, things that could deeply change the perception of me with my work and the volunteer work I'm involved with. He intends to hurt me in the things I hold most valuable in my life.<br />
He threatens to take this to the appropriate authority. <br />
<br />
I work in a corporate setting, and I'd most certainly be put on leave while an investigation was conducted. <br />
<br />
Telling family and friends was one thing. They all can recognise it for what it is, sour grapes, and his bitterness and mental instability. Only one of them has even bothered to ask me about it. Their impression was just him trying to cause trouble but wanted to hear my side.<br />
Outside of that, he could really cause me a lot of trouble.<br />
<br />
I think if he were really going to do more he'd have done it by now. He's threatened this since before the divorce, tried to use it to get me to stay with him. <br />
I have nothing to fear in that, so I dared him to do it. It will prove only his craziness, because I've not done anything wrong.<br />
So all this time I've let it ride. Now, with my health issues, minimizing stress is a must. His little pokes and jabs need to stop. I can't go on years more with this occasional jab from him, that he's still thinking of ways to try to ruin my life. It just needs to stop.

[Ashlee T.]

Ugh. I asked because, in my situation, the ex-was saying terrible things about me (all completely untrue) to others, but other than hurting my feelings and potentially changing some of the opinions some of those people had of me......it didn't cause me any real harm. I actually told my boss about it in case it crept up through the grapevine, but I have such a close relationship with him that I felt comfortable to do that. I can see in your case where that is different, given the additional information.

If the legal stuff would make you feel better and you believe it would decrease the stress, I'd say then go for it. But if you think it won't really change anything, still doesn't keep him from saying terrible things about you, and will only result in anger and more stress then I'd do what I initially recommended and just do everything in your power to ignore him.

[Popcorn&Candy]

Sometimes the only way to stop someone is to get the law involved. Things will just get worse and worse if he isn't shown the error of his ways now. I'd keep a record of the harassment and use it in court, if things go that far. If you continue to not report him, he will continue to harass you. A lot of people assume that if you back off, the other person will realize they're being foul but that is not always the case. If you do report him he will be humiliated into stopping the harassment. Once you show him it's not on, you'll get him off your back for good.