[lovexlaugh]

Hi everyone,

Hoping I can get some advice, I'm in a bit of a sticky situation

I am getting married in June, and my very best friend is one of my bridesmaids. We have been friends since we were kids, and have never really fought or had a falling out. But my wedding seems to be ruining things. I always planned to have everyone buy cheap dresses instead of proper 'bridesmaids' dresses - I was very honest from the start and admitted that they would have to pay for them, which everyone was fine with them - but hence why I wanted them to get cheap dresses. Anyway, we went dress shopping for me a while ago, and they happened to try on some very expensive bridesmaids dresses as well, just to see how they looked. We all agreed that one style looked good on everyone, and we left without a second word about the bridesmaids dresses.

A few weeks later, I got a call saying that they'd gone behind my back, met up and bought those expensive dresses. It had been my best friends idea, and everyone was ecstatic and so happy. I was happy as well, of course, but I couldn't believe how much money they'd spent! I was in quite a bit of shock - just one of their dresses alone cost almost as much as my wedding dress! When I couldn't quite match their excitement (once again, I was just in shock) my best friend got quite cross saying that she hadn't wanted to pay that much, and only did it for me. She said that she wouldn't have done it if I hadn't made out like the dresses were perfect and we HAD to have them. This was news to me - I liked the dresses but it never crossed my mind that the girls would BUY them. I had planned a shopping trip to find the same style at a cheaper price. Anyway, after a big fight, she hung up on me and I haven't spoken to her since.

Fast forward to now, I have apologised again and again, over every means possible (calling, texts, etc) and she is refusing to reply to me. I live 6 hours away from her so I really can't drop in to apologise in person - though I would do that if she just answered me saying whether or not she'd let me in her house! I don't know what else to do. Even if she did pick up the phone when I called, I don't know how to fix this. I have even offered to pay for the dress (with money I certainly DON'T have! But I'd figure out a way to do it if it meant having her talk to me again). When we first began to argue, I told her to just return the dress, but apparently they all had to put down very large non-refundable deposits which is simply too much to consider loosing.

We have never fought before and it's stressing me out that she's not going to forgive me. In another situation I'd give her time and be patient, but I'm stressing out because the wedding is so soon!

Any tips on what I can do?

[Ashlee T.]

That's definitely a sticky situation. Weddings are taxing on relationships, friendships alike. Bridesmaids often get the "short end of the stick" bearing as much burden as they do to make sure the day is "perfect" for the bride. It sounds like she made an impulsive choice trying to be the hero and then when you weren't beside yourself ecstatic, it made her feel like her effort was wasted. I can't blame you for reacting in shock because I would have felt terrible in your shoes to know they had spent that much of their own money for YOUR wedding.

It sounds to me like they all made adult decisions to buy the dresses, knowing they could not return them without losing a deposit and now just need to be okay with it and move on (To me, that is something you just DON'T do without the brides blessing by the way.) If you offer to pay for hers, what about the others? How fair is that that SHE is the one who wanted them to get the dresses, they all have taken the financial burden of buying them and now you're offering to give HER her money back for the dress because she's throwing a little tantrum? Is it possible that she is jealous you are getting married.......worried about what it will do to your friendship........worried she's losing you?

I'd send one final short note and let it be known that it will be the last. I would tell her how much I love her and how much she and her friendship mean to me. I would tell her that I've never needed her more than I do during this time of such a big life change and that I've never wanted more than to get to experience the milestones of life by her side. I would end by telling her that my wedding day would not be nearly as special without her there, but that I love her enough to accept if that is her decision.

I mean come on, the wedding is in JUNE. She's being incredibly selfish for whatever reason, but that would be my last ditch effort to fix things.

[Mayflower7]

She really shouldn't have purchased the dress without you knowing as its your wedding. Try one last time for contact please don't let this spoil your wedding. Good luck with everything.

[Stillness]

Any updates?

I'm thinking that if you still haven't heard from her and your wedding a only a few weeks away, maybe you should send her a message and ask if you need to get one of the other bridesmaids to fill in for her.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I agree with Beautiful Disaster: sending a note, telling her that she is a wonderful friend and so on, is the right idea. Friends fight all the time and your best friend should know this and be mature about the issue. It'd be such a shame to lose your best friend over the purchase of the bridesmaids dresses. Say you want her at your wedding and see if she responds. The fact you've been friends so long should have an impact on your sincerity. I hope your wedding goes/went well.