[amy40]

recently heard iyanla vanzant talk about communication dif. between men and women

she said men just want headlines (10 words or less) and women will give a dissertation

[Ashlee T.]

I dunno...... I find it to be true the opposite way around. I value brevity (unless I'm venting......HAHAHAHA) but it seems like most of the time when a man is talking to me about something it takes him 1 minute to describe something that should have taken 10 seconds. :-) My bf is terrible about this. He starts telling me a story and gets all tangled around the unimportant details and loses focus on the main point.

[macon]

Hi Amy,

Men tend to regard highly a man who can glance at a situation and make the right decision. For most of us, this level of incisiveness is, at best, an unrealistic aspiration. But that doesn't stop us from wanting to be that way.

Beautiful: He's not talking about what he's talking about, he's talking about what it feels like.

Macon

[amy40]

Hi Amy,
Men tend to regard highly a man who can glance at a situation and make the right decision.
Macon

sounds like a good skill to make the right decision in a shorter period of time instead of taking forever

[Ashlee T.]

macon Haha, you're probably right. I work with a lady who does it too. It's not a situation of expressing feeling, if so I'd be more patient. It's like "I saw the strangest thing today" and then it takes 10 minutes of solid description of step by step by step (and oh there goes a squirrel!!!) to get to the strangest thing. In my head I'm like, "UGHHHHHHHHHHH COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!".

[amy40]

[USER="104192"] In my head I'm like, "UGHHHHHHHHHHH COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!".

so that's what's in my husband's head when wonder what he's thinking

[macon]

Hi Beautiful,

I totally know what you're talking about with the on and on. Some people experience life only or mostly in particulars. That's what life feels like to them.

An amusing expression of this is people who, when asked what a book is about, reply, "well, first this happens, then that happens," etc., etc, ad nauseam. The idea of "about" doesn't really register for them. When I taught English, my job was to teach the idea of "about." Some kids never quite got there. Big picture just isn't going to happen for some people.

That said, and despite my wish to be nonjudgmental, patient, and compassionate (and not feel smug and superior), whenever I run into these people I'd rather be getting a tooth filled.

Macon

P.S. I just realized that some who read this may be the people I'm talking about. I guess I've outed myself. Everyone thinks they're the ****zle, in one way or another. Please allow me my sad little illusion.

P.P.S. The nicey-nice bad-words filter on this forum needs to let loose and live a little.

[amy40]

That's what Big picture just isn't going to happen for some people.
.

Some people see the forest, others see the trees. World needs both.

[jns]

Men tend to regard highly a man who can glance at a situation and make the right decision.

I have a coworker who does this, but instead makes the wrong decision too many times. He has almost killed himself several times and his last mishap resulted in getting an artificial joint. He fails to scope out things correctly and instead wants to do things speedily. I've been in the situation where my second level boss said to do something and my first level boss agreed with it, where if I did it, I would likely have been seriously hurt or killed. I have a healthy disrespect for this brevity thing that would interfere with getting things done safely and correctly. Great, make a decision, but after the relevant information has been analyzed.

[macon]

World needs both.

It does.

You can't help what you feel, though, only what you do. I'm way on the big-picture end, and I have all kinds of not-very-nice feelings about people who aren't like me. When I'm stuck in a room with someone who counts things for a living, does hair, or drives a forklift, I get fidgety. I'd rather be with people who are just like me. It's easier and I'm lazy. But I've learned to shut that down, listen, and find a way to relate. It goes pretty well. I can't remember the last time I met someone I didn't find interesting and didn't in some way admire, and it's the rare person I don't like. It's always worth the work.

Macon