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Odd anxiety this weekend and looking for any advice or comments

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  • Odd anxiety this weekend and looking for any advice or comments

    Hope to get some insights from everyone. Wednesday was the 4th anniversary of my husband’s passing, and that might be partly the issue with my confusion right now.
    During this four years of being single, it has given me some time, to think about my life. I married my high school sweetheart 27 years ago. We were inseparable before we got married, but after getting married it got bad quickly. He cheated on me and just was a complete ***. I never brought up any of the issues we had. I left a note and left. We spoke only once right after our separation. Instead of giving myself the time to be single, I got right into dating a lot of men, and within a few months, I moved into with my second husband.
    You would have thought I would have learned to be a better communicator, but I didn’t. My 2nd marriage had issues, and we didn’t address them, and then there were the kids and this and that, I think you get the picture. Before my husband’s passing we were spending more time together, and then it was all gone with his sudden passing.
    One of my friend’s asked me advice on her marriage four months ago; I told her she needs to talk to her husband, they didn’t discuss the issues and decided it would be best to separate. I feel horrible that they would rather split up instead of dealing with it.
    I guess it was at the same time my ex-husband contacted me through Facebook. He remarried and lives on the other side of the country. He has apologized for how he treated me, which felt great. We have talked about the old days he has shared a little bit of himself. I am “feeling” things that I never thought I would feel again, but let's face it when you have been celibate for four years plus you get that “feeling”. I get the impression he isn’t happy with his life. Our last communicate was that he has some hard questions he wants to ask me. Not sure what is going on and it has made me a little anxious.
    Yesterday my friend’s husband moved out, and she wanted to celebrate, so we went out. She then told me he is already having an affair. I can’t even get anyone to go out for coffee, and she is already sleeping with someone. I at a loss for words.

  • Originally posted by Needytoo View Post
    Before my husband’s passing we were spending more time together, and then it was all gone with his sudden passing.
    It must be very tough especially since you were spending more time with your husband before his sudden passing. Hugs to you.


    • Lots of stuff going on here it seems.

      But most importantly, you are learning (over the past 4 years) how to be alone. And in doing so, there will be times of loneliness, times of feeling desperate to be with someone. I'm telling you bluntly to avoid your temptations (born out of pure loneliness) with your ex husband. He cheated on you too, right? Do you think he told the woman he cheated with that he wasn't happy in his marriage (or at least let her believe that)? Remember that now, as he attempts to do his current wife the same way. If he's TRULY unhappy in his marriage, he'd spend all his effort trying to make it better and then if he couldn't, he'd divorce her................BEFORE trying to open up old doors to have something on the string.

      People move on quickly because they've let their self worth be determined by being with someone.

      Don't fall for the ex husbands trap. I don't like stereotypes, but his behavior is indicative of "Once a cheater, always a cheater...".

      "Be what you're looking for."


      • I agree with Beautiful Disaster: if he was truly unhappy in his marriage, he would certainly try to make things right and not go off with another woman. I guess the same as BD: did he cheat on you in your marriage? It seems he hasn't learnt, if he did. It's flattering but don't fall for it. Who wants to be the other woman?



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