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Confused and in love?

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  • Confused and in love?

    My husband and I have decided to open our marriage(this was my idea) it is not to say we will just have sex with anyone. It's more emotional for me. Recently I started talking to this guy from the UK (I live in Canada) I met through social media, in the meantime of talking to UK guy my husband and I were dealing with some issues lack of excitement in our marriage so I asked for an open relationship, we have been together 8 years married when I was 23 so quite young. I was feeling remorseful of my "wasted" 20's leading up with my 30 year birthday ( I will be 29 in the fall) I feel like i should have done more, traveled, went to school, met people etc.. instead I spent my 20's mostly happily married to an incredible man. Our relationship always seemed effortless until the past few years. More fighting, more stress, less sex. I was battling a bad eating disorder and he helped me though it. With my new found confidence I am radiating and itching to make connections with new people..That bring us to my current issue. UK guy and I have been video chatting for about 3 weeks almost everyday for hours. My husband is aware but never home when we do as he feels weird about it at times. I was toying with the idea of going back to school in London, UK guy lives not far from London.. He told me that if I came to university there and we actually spent time face to face together he would no doubt fall in love with me. I cared about this guy so much but the more I further my relationship with UK guy the less I feel attracted and attached to my husband. I need some advice..

  • Marie per your post "I need some advice"
    what kind of advice are you seeking?

    welcome to WH!


    • I want to do optometry and it's only a 3 year program in the UK it's 7 years where I live, we opened up our marriage to be able to express love in multiple ways to others and explore other people's energies, my husband is aware of my relationship with UK guy and how deep it goes I should also mention that my husband and UK guy are complete opposites. My husband is actually hoping to be able to find a women unlike me so explore that side of himself. It's complicated and confusing and I get it if not everyone understands why we choose to live like this.


      • It sounds like you should be examining if you want to stay married to your husband after 5+ years. The new guy is exciting. You no longer have the same feelings for your husband as you once did. Did your husband go along with the open marriage because he wanted to have sex outside of the marriage or as a bid to try to retain you? Are you taking drugs as part of dealing with the eating disorder? If so, which ones? It may be that a clean break may be the best solution unless you want your husband to pay for your continuing education.
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


        • I think you should be single until you figure out what it is you want and need from youself and from a relationship. Your current husband obviously isn't all you need or want.

          The confusion you feel is understandable. I'm not necessarily suggesting divorce, but I think you should get some time alone to figure out your path.
          Jns above, has some good questions. You don't necessarily have to answer to us, but really consider the questions and perhaps discuss with your husband.

          You seem discontent with all your major life choices. Choice of mate, and career. I just don't see how your husband fits into any choice you seem directed to going forward.


          • Thanks for the advice guys, I am not battling with my eating disorder any longer. I did not take any drugs for it just counceling. Maybe I should be single, I'm just so scared to hurt my husband. He has been there for so long but I feel like I am changing and growing into a different person. I used to love reading my horoscope and look for signs from the universe until I met my husband he thought all that stuff was stupid then so did I because I wanted to impress him.i feel like I slowly lost a lot of the person I used to be prior to meeting my husband. This new guy is super into that stuff I used to be into and brings it out in me again. I find myself reading my horoscope and getting tarot readings, I love it but my husband has taken to making fun of me for all this stuff.


            • I think you're deeply unhappy in your marriage and need to be single until you can figure what it is you want from your life and a relationship. You've drifted apart from your husband it seems. I don't see a happy future between you. You made a few sacrifices to fit your husband's idea of what you should be: at the expense of being true to yourself and you're realizing that now. Be the person YOU want to be and don't stay in the marriage out of fear of being alone. You're not alone and you've got your whole life to live: the way you want to live it.



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