[WaveRider]

I can't define it. It's not that I'm losing interest in sex. I still love sex. It's that I'm losing interest in dating and all that goes with it. I'm tired of the same questions, especially when the answer is easily predictable. I'm tired of blowing $$$ on women I don't much like. I just want to take a break from the whole dating shenanigans. If the woman I'm seeing now wants to come over for action, I'm good. But I don't want to call her anymore and pretend a formal date at a fancy restaurant that I don't much like knowing that it's prelude to sex. I'd be a lot happier at a sports bar watching sports, wearing shorts or jeans, talking like men talk, and having an authentically good time. I don't need formal attire to have a good time.

If I could find my best friend who's good with burgers and beer, who likes to have fun, who enjoys adventure and sleeping in on Sunday mornings, and knows what she's doing in bed, I'd be happy. But the way I've come to figure it, if a woman is not friendship material, why waste my time? Not even easy sex motivates me. I want sex, but I want friendship, fun, adventure, sports bars, burgers, and a delicious rare-to-medium-rare prime steak. And iced cold draught beer.

I could pull off infrequent formality. But pretentious people who brag about what the wish they had and I don't mesh well. I'd rather talk sports, dirt bikes, surfing, bikinis, and stuff that interests men.

Anyone else in the same boat?

[amy40]

If I could find my best friend who's good with burgers and beer, who likes to have fun, who enjoys adventure and sleeping in on Sunday mornings, and knows what she's doing in bed, I'd be happy.

reminds me of the "piña colada" song In some odd way

[Ashlee T.]

In the hierarchy of importance to me in a relationship, friendship is top on the list. Sure, I want good sex and good romance too, but that's not how we will be living our every day lives together. Every day life is getting up early for work, bed head, morning breath, stinking up the bathroom, getting upset/irritated at work and wanting to talk about it, asking each other for advice on this or that, deciding who is fixing supper and what you're going to have, hugging, laying down at night and being thankful that person is on the other side of the bed and that 70 lb dog is comfortably between you. The bf and I don't always like the same things. Ex. He LOVES hockey and I'm incredibly bored by it. So, last night we grilled out and then he went in and watched the Stanley Cup finals and drank beer while I sat outside on my patio, roasted marshmallows and read a book about birds. BUT, we have things we love doing together too (most things, actually). All these things are based around our friendship and respect for each other.

I would NOT want to date if I could not at least eventually have that with the person I was dating. If I knew that wasn't a possibility, I would not want to be putting forth the effort either.

[WaveRider]

Good Morning, Beautiful Disaster,

You're a million percent on the money.

I had a very long talk with a woman friend last night. She knows the woman I'm dating. She intimated that it's long past time for me to move on.

The only thing that attaches us is beyond incredible sex. However, I have to endure many unpleasantries for it. I don't think that fantastic sex is justification to remain attached to anyone. Friendship is.

My g/f (we're really buddies with benefits, not friends) exhausts me of constructive energy.

[Ashlee T.]

Yeah, I couldn't go for that. I've ended many relationships over the years just because I wasn't happy. Maybe there wasn't anything specifically wrong with the person other than they just weren't the right person for me. We just didn't mesh right, even though often times they were great guys. Eventually, no matter how good the sex was, the quality diminished for me just because I didn't feel anything for the person so then I ended up not really wanting the sex either.

It's cliché but true that if a relationship starts about sex then it often never gets past that. There has to be a happy medium. Once I fell for someone who I was best friends with and saw how incredible our connection was both in and out of the bedroom, I could never go back to what I was doing before with those other guys.

I hope it works out in your favor one way or another.

[WaveRider]

Hi Beautiful Disaster,

You're husband and you are extraordinarily lucky. Not many people fall in love with their best friend and enjoy incredible sex.

You're right: great sex is great sex, but it's not the foundation of friendship. If there's no commonality with clothes on, it's just sex. Just sex never lasts.

Thanks for your wishes. I know it'll work out. For now, though, I need a break from dating protocol.

[atskitty2]

I take a dating hiatus regularly. Dating is exhausting. Been on one since February and no interest currently in dipping my toe back in the water.

How much dating are you actually doing tho, aside from the fwb?

[WaveRider]

Good Morning, atskitty2,

A couple of years ago, I did a lot of dating.

[WaveRider]

Just when I've committed to abstaining, I've met another woman. I'm not sure that I want to date her. Friends would be good.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I agree with Beautiful Disaster's post. Friendship is always part of a good relationship. And interests do not always have to a-line. I wouldn't want a relationship with a person if their goal was just to have sex without the friendship.