moving on

[blkqueen42]

I've been in a pretty bad off and on relationship the past 3 years. Cheating, abuse, lies, etc. We now are separated,as of a couple days, but have 2 kids.
This relationship has taken a toll on me.
He never told me I was pretty /beautiful.
No compliments, no affection. Nothing.
Now that it's over, I feel even more down about myself. Everyone can tell me I'm pretty and a good mother I just feel so down. I'm like now I have 2 babies no one is really ever going to love me now. I feel so alone. He texts and calls after punching me in the face to tell me he's sorry and he loves me. I want to believe it but I know it's lies. I'm just so hurt alone and tired.

[atskitty2]

Feeling this way isn't uncommon in an abusive relationship. I'm so glad you are away from it, and I hope you maintain the will to STAY away from him. I'm sorry you're facing this. It WILL improve though, through time.

I applaud you for separating and I encourage you to get some intensive counseling to help you work through the complicated emotional component that comes with this. You can build your confidence and self esteem, and learn to rebuild your life.

[Ashlee T.]

Girl, it's going to take a while to NOT feel the way you do. What you're feeling is normal after such dysfunction and abuse.

He never told you that you are beautiful or pretty. Why? Because he wanted you to feel ugly. He wanted you to feel like he was doing you a favor by being with you. Thus, gaining control.

He never gave you affection. Why? Because he wanted you to feel unwanted. Again, he wanted you to feel like no one would ever want you if you left him.

He is an abuser. And it's absolutely normal that you feel like you do after going through that for 3 years. He made himself your self worth, and now he's gone. So to you, it feels like your worth is gone. But what if he was wrong (he was) for making you feel unattractive and unwanted? What if REAL men are NOT like him at all? What if you're a wilted flower just waiting to be watered before blossoming into a magnificent beauty? You have cheated yourself out of happiness for far too long.

If you want to heal from this and find yourself again there are some things you must do:
1. Cut off ALL communication with him unless it is 100% strictly related to the children. The longer you allow him to be in your life, the longer he will have control of you and your emotions and the longer you'll feel exactly like you do right now.
2. Stop viewing having children as a hindrance to a happy relationship. This is 2018!!! The right MAN will absolutely adore your children.
3. When is the last time you did something for YOU? Not something to make yourself look more attractive so you could impress your ex, but something for YOU? Join a gym, many of them offer free daycare while you're working out. When you do things that make you feel good, this helps your children too.

Hang in there. It will be rough, but it will get better.

[WaveRider]

blkqueen42,

If he's beating you, he ain't gonna stop. Cowards beat women. Stay the heck away from that loser. The next time he tries to hit you, hose him with a full can of pepper spray, and watch him cry like a baby.

Kurt Warner, one of the best quarterbacks to play in the NFL, married a woman who has two kids from a previous relationship.

Albert Puljos plays MLB for the Angels. He knocks down about 28 mil a year. He married a woman who has a Down Syndrome child from a previous relationship.

These are just two mega stars who've married women who have had children from previous relationships.

Kids aren't an issue in finding a man who loves you. You are. Make yourself lovable and you'll find the love of your life.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I second Beautiful Disaster's post. She is a wise woman.