[Babe15]

Been with my partner for 2 years and engaged for a year now, before we got together properly we used to meet up at weekends and sleep together this went on for along time, i loved him but he saw us as friends, when he finally told me he loved me he still carried on pushing me away and talking to women on social media until i told him i was walking away and he changed and we bacame a couple. He binge drinks and when he drinks were great, hes happy our sex life is fab it been like this from the start. We live together but in the last few months things have changed hes moody we are arguing, he helps me with rent but until i really put my foot down he never contributed, he works away all week so we see each other at weekends only, hes not interested in our home and it takes me to go on and on he gets in a mood for him to help in the home. His mum mummy cuddles him and has treated him like a baby which she still does now its over bearing to the point i feel pushed out. I dont get any love from him at weekends we can lie on the sofa and he doesnt talk to me we go to bed and go to sleep, im lucky if i get a hug. Im tired of trying and getting nothing back. He thinks more of work and where hes staying in hotels in the week than he does about us. Few times i have gut feelings hes messaging women which recently i think he did, he knows thats what i think because ive told him how i feel so last week he didnt drink but didnt deny messaging a women. Were not good at all and he says he loves me but i dont feel loved or wanted and he makes no effort. Dont no what to do

[atskitty2]

You've shared your concerns and he makes no effort, and may be messaging others? Have you asked him if he is interested in keeping this relationship? Considered Counseling?

Seems like he's checked out of the relationship. If he doesn't want to work through this, there's nothing you can really do, unfortunately.

[Babe15]

Yeah i had a gut feeling new year he was messaging someone by the way he was behaving and way he was with me, when i told him i knew he was talking to someone he sort of denied it but never mentioned it again and his reply im not drinking again. He makes me feel unloved in so many ways but blames me, hes not interested in my work or anything to do with me, even when hes away we dont talk and if we do its for a minute about his job

[atskitty2]

Doesn't sound like a healthy, growing relationship at all, Dear. Neither of you seem happy or even moderately content with each other.

And if he's violating the commitment you have, what real reason is there to continue? It won't change after marriage. And if an open relationship is not within your arrangements, then some changes need to be made.

I think the first step is having a real discussion. A sit down, heart to heart, open and honest talk about what is happening. No "sort of" answers or round about questions, I mean direct, honest discussion about feelings, about needs and boundaries.

[Ashlee T.]

I think your instincts are telling you exactly what you need to know. And I think you're listening to them, but questioning them as we all do. I do not get the sense that this is a healthy relationship at all. Actions speak louder than words....always. Saying he loves you, but not making you feel loved, not SHOWING you he loves you does no good, right? Why believe someone's words when what they DO tells you the complete opposite? You simply cannot marry someone who leaves you feeling unloved, unwanted, disrespected, etc.

If your partner has to drink in order to treat you like you want to be treated, you must realize that this is not the right partner for you.

Like Kitty said, sit down an have an open, honest, level headed discussion (no crying, no fighting, no yelling, no ultimatums) about you concerns. If he loves you, he will realize what he needs to work on and make a long term effort to do better (not try to do better for like a week and then go back to his old ways). If he continues to make no effort, the writing is on the wall.

[Babe15]

I have done this before im always honest with him and he knows i am not happy but its like he ignores it and comes home and we do nothing at all but sit and watch tv and he falls asleep, theres no love or chat or excitement and sometimes he starts shouting so i dont say anything. I do love him but he does not show me any love. Hes suggested us having sex with other people and always brings it up when drunk, so i told him i dont want to do it and he pushed me away when we went to bed. I dont no how or what to do when i no by trying to talk to him is hard

[Ashlee T.]

Then, like I said, the writing is on the wall. If you've already had that talk and it has done no good, then you have your answer even though I know it isn't the one that you want. This man doesn't love you, at least not in the way you need to be love. I know that's a hard pill to swallow, but the sooner you do the sooner you'll heal and be on the road to finding someone who is truly a match for you.

[Babe15]

Nothing ever changes abd i have lost trust because my gut feelings i believe in and i no hes chatting to women on social media. It is hard and deep down how he treats me is not love at all theres no effort, he thinks more of my fanily than he does me so i no its at an end for me

[Ashlee T.]

So what's your plan? Let's just say he wasn't chatting with other women. Even if he weren't, he is still not treating you like you deserve to be treated, right? So the other women are irrelevant. Try to think of it that way.

[WaveRider]

Babe15,

You know what to do, but as of now, you don't want to do it.

Every day you hang with him is another good day thrown after bad.

He sounds like a loser. Losers always lose. You'll never convert a loser in to a winner.

Find a winner. Winners always find a way to win, including a way to win you.

You'll be happier with a winner.