[Texasred]

As Amy suggested, this sounds like a comedy, but without the laugh track. Are you sure he's not still sleeping with his ex, at least occasionally? You say you visited his house; what would happen if you suggested an overnight visit?

[Popcorn&Candy]

You're caught in a impossible situation: you love your man, but he cares for his ex. I don't think it takes intuition to figure out there's something deeper going on. I'm NOT saying they're having sex but there is emotion between them. I'm afraid I would be out the door 10 months in. I don't know how you take it. You need to ask yourself what you're staying for. Loving him isn't enough. Now, I can understand him wanting to look after his ex and his son - that is wonderful - BUT it is at your expense. You can't break them up and I think feelings may well develop between them. I am not trying to be horrible, but I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel for you, if you stick around.

[Texasred]

Sometimes what you think is the light at the end of the tunnel just turns out to be the train's headlight...

[HaggisBasher]

Thanks for your replies. We have since talked over some of this and he assures me that there are no left over romantic feelings and that they don't sleep together. His words "I don't feel the same way about her as I do about you" didn't completely reassure though. It also seems that she is seeing someone new again.
He also says that the arrangement is temporary and once she gets a suitable job they will go their separate ways. We'll see. It is very challenging for our relationship to flourish under these conditions and I've made that clear but also that I want to try to make it work.

[amy40]

We have since talked over some of this and he assures me that there are no left over romantic feelings and that they don't sleep together.
He also says that the arrangement is temporary and once she gets a suitable job they will go their separate ways. We'll see. .

that must have reassured you a little
although, the temporary has turned into 2 yrs already

good luck

[atskitty2]

I'd still be rather tentative in my relationship with him, honestly. "I don't feel the same about her, as I do you"...? That doesn't say, I have no feelings for her.
Depending on his communication skill and style, that may not be a telling statement, but I'd keep my eyes peeled and guard up.

So has she been unemployed or underemployed the two years she's lived there? What reason is there to think she's soon to change that? And what exactly is "suitable" for her?

[HaggisBasher]

There's no way of telling what the future holds.
Do I trust the man and believe the things I'm told?
it sometimes makes me worried,
it sometimes makes me sad.
Will my love fare the journey
or will it all turn bad.

[Popcorn&Candy]

Beautiful, HaggisBasher.

[Texasred]

"Complicated," is one thing.
Continuing on like you are is something else, and not a good thing.

[HaggisBasher]

Thanks everyone for your help and advice. I have discussed how much the situation is hurting me yet again with my partner. He has reassured me that he loves me and that I'm his number one. His solution is that he will spend more time with me. This is after I asked for a time out of a week without contact. He has also told me that when he leave the "marital" home he will give it to his ex. Very nice for her. I don't know how or where he anticipates living after then - it is still a "sometime in the future" deal. I think I am showing signs of madness now, doing the same thing over again and expecting a different outcome. It doesn't seem like he is willing to change anything, although he says he has told his ex that he would choose me over her. We have discussed that choice but he has the guilt card of "there's a child involved", although it's not his child (I do wonder about that). Ok, so I guess I'm answering my own question now and it seems like it is time to leave what is a very sad situation for me. I need to find the strength to do it and make a clean break (like he can't from his ex!). Any words of encouragement, or have I got thi wrong and should I give it another chance? Maybe I'm clutching at straws but I still want to try to find a way to make it work