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PLEASE read.. stuck...

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  • PLEASE read.. stuck...

    This is my first time here and I just need to vent.. my husband and I always had kind of a rocky relationship. But we loved each other like crazy so we always made it work. After we had my currently 11 month old son we started to fight more and more and now it’s everyday. We fight and yell in front of my son even tho I try and tel him not to. It’s constant verbal abuse and he’s made me into a monster and it’s not fair to me or my son to see us like this.. I wanted to separate but we are both Assyrian (middle eastern) and that’s a big no no in our culture. My parents for sure would never support my decision or me. I’m scared to be alone but I don’t think it’s fair for me to cry everyday and suffer for the rest of my life.. if anyone out there understands or has been where I’ve been.. I’d love to have someone to talk to.. I love my son and don’t blame him obviously or regret him, but I regret ever meeting my husband. It’s an awful feeling..

  • Is the acceptance of verbal abuse also part of your culture?

    Have you tried having a sit down, heart to heart discussion about the problems in the relationship, and the way they're being managed?

    Also, he hasn't made you into a monster. You're responsible for whatever reaction you have to his words or behavior. I understand that it may be intolerable, but he isn't making you into anything.
    Recognize that, change it and you'll be empowered to take more healthy steps toward improvement.

    Is counseling available in your area? I'd find some good sources of online counseling if in-person marital therapy cannot be arranged.

    Sorry you're experiencing this. I hope it can be worked through for the sake of your child.


    • Welcome to WH! Can you go to a religious leader for counseling? Are you currently in the war torn areas of the Middle East? Is there a large Assyrian community where you live? I don't know much about the dynamics of the Assyrian community but I did work with an Assyrian bookkeeper at a small company many years ago. He spoke seven languages and his wife spoke ten.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


      • what are you fighting about? since it's daily now, you both must be very stressed......is there anyone to watch your child and give you two time to talk and work things out?


        • I second jns's post. I'd certainly go to a counsellor, before doing anything else. However, if you are starting to hate your husband and feel guilty, that doesn't offer much hope for the marriage. I don't know what your religion says about divorce, but you're going through hell: along with your son. I'd cut my losses and leave. However, for you, that may not be possible. I think hating your husband is a bad relationship precedent. I know I'm being blunt, but that is what I can tell from your post.


          • Where the op is, is as important as what she is. Assyrian in the Middle East is one thing, but if she's in the U.S., for example, she has options, whether her parents support her or not. Nobody needs to accept daily verbal abuse unless they live in a stone age culture that treats it as being normal.


            • I agree, Texasred.


              • Thank you! :-)
                But where is the op?


                • Hi Lucy,

                  A few years ago, I met a Kurdish chick who had moved to the USA as an adolescent. Her family was sponsored by an elected sheriff. Her father forced her into an arranged marriage. She knew it wasn't going to work. After graduating from a Texas college with a BS in computer science, she had a daughter. Then she got divorced. When I met her she was dating a born & raised American cop. She was extremely happy. And she loved that her boyfriend was a cop, as though she knew her daughter and she would know no fear.

                  Do what's right for you. You'll never make anyone happy, including your son, if you're not happy.

                  BTW. that Kurdish chick told me that before her father died, he apologized to her sisters and her for forcing them into arranged marriages.

                  I've dated Americanized Persian women. Kurds are Persian. Many, many Persian women are far beyond drop dead gorgeous. So are Syrian, Assyrian, and Lebanese women. All of them had undergone a complete California girl transition before ink dried on their visas. All became American citizens, and adopted So Cal culture. So too can you if it's within your heart.

                  My guess is that 99% of native born Americans have no clue that many peoples of the Middle East are Caucasian with European ancestry. Rima Fakih, 2010 Miss USA, was born in Lebanon. She's a brighter shade of gorgeous. Assyrians are Caucasian. My experience is the Caucasian peoples of the Middle East who've relocated to the USA have no difficulty assimilating into American culture and specifically So Cal culture. The point is you'll be fine were you to choose to search for happiness, assuming you will not regain it within your current marriage.



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