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Breaking your own heart

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  • Breaking your own heart

    I ended an eight year relationship a few days ago. We love each other and are great together but I moved 2 states away with the plan that he would follow me in a few months. He has a job and a life where he lives plus he have not been able to save the money needed to make such a big move. What am I supposed to do? 3 months apart was enough for me to realize that I didnt want to do the long distance much longer, when he suggested another 6 months before moving I just said I couldnt do it. I am afraid I would cheat on him and begin to resent him and myself for the situation. So here I am- not happy being in a relationship with someone that I can't ever be with and not happy being separated from him either. I feel like a bad person just straight up saying that I can't do long distance but I don't know what else to do. Im 26 years old and have been with him since I was 18! I would like to start a family someday soon and I thought he was the one I was going to do it with but now I don't see that happening.
    This is partially just a rant but advice on where to go from here would be greatly appreciated!

  • Is that really the only reason you ended it?
    Or were there other issues?


    • Why did you move?
      You are worthy!


      • Atskitty2 - We had some issues, mainly that he likes to drink and party while I do not nor do I like when he gets drunk. So over the years we have fought about that but overall I could live with it. While he has been ready to get married for years, I have felt that I needed to be single one last time so I guess the long distance was just the last string for me. Its just hard to know how to react because there was no fight or anger in our breakup, just sadness and love. He is also my best friend, which I really don't want to loose but I don't know how to keep the friendship without the relationship.

        jwdcreations - I moved to start a career. Where we lived before was meant to be temporary and I did not want to stay in that area. While I realized in was not a place I felt safe or wanted to live for longer than a few years, he found it to be a comfortable place for him.


        • You say you felt you needed to be single...so you did the right thing to break up. See what the future holds for you personally.

          I think if you want to continue the friendship, it's possible. Take a break from contact, to allow the feelings to settle and then reconnect in 6 months, or a year, whatever it takes.

          Good for you, to not only recognize the sense of needing to be single, but following that prior to marriage. You'll be glad you did. You will be happier and more satisfied, whether you wind up back with him or someone else in the future.


          • It is sad the relationship ended, but maybe it was for the best: as hard as that is to hear. You couldn't do long distance and that is fair enough. I do also think you may not have been compatible. I think that you should NEVER put up with a future partner's drinking/partying/whatever, if you do not like doing those things yourself. No man is perfect but never settle for second best. Look out for yourself in that regard.

            Now you've moved and gotten a job there, you should just make connections, explore the area [like you've already been doing] and just learn to love living there. Any social event [obviously] is where to go. You're still young and have your whole life ahead of you [granny advice alert!] so don't feel you're passed it yet. Just meet people and make the most of where you're living.

            This all sounds very obvious, but it's true. You're better off without the ex and I respect you for moving on and not putting up with second best.


            • Swimming, it sounds as if you knew it wasn't working, and you're moving on. 26 isn't old at all, and you have plenty of time to find the right man for you. Don't feel bad about having made the right decision.


              • Thanks everyone for the support! I think I just needed a few days but I am feeling better about my decision and know I made the right choice for me.



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