Sexless relationship

[PollyQ]

I've Been in a relationship for quite a few years. It's my first and only relationship.
The last few years we've had no sex, I do my best to initiate but get nowhere. I have talked about it with him and he told me he has no sex drive. I have a sex drive so it's hard for me because I want sex.
lately I've been having thoughts about going out and having a one night stand, I have opportunities because he's not home a few nights of the week. This scares me because cheating is something I never thought I would do. I've also been bi curious. When I see 2 women kissing I get turned on. I've been having fantasies about kissing a woman. I've only been with one person, I never experimenting and now it's something I would love to do.

[atskitty2]

How old are you?
Have you discussed this in detail with him, and specifically outlined your needs?

[Texasred]

If you haven't had sex for years, you're not "in a relationship," you just have a roommate. And nobody would blame you for seeking sex - or a real relationship! - elsewhere.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I agree with Texasred. You have a right to your needs. I'm not saying you should go behind his back, but I would think about your needs. You're obviously passionate and need affection. Why should you stay in a relationship where there is none? I can't tell you that you should leave the relationship, but you're obviously unhappy. I think you've some difficult decisions to make: but do be honest with yourself. Don't stay where you're unhappy. Go out and find your happiness.

[Texasred]

Yes, just Popcorn said!
That's what I was saying,, but in a much less sensitive way.

[Ashlee T.]

My issue with this is that he's not even trying to do anything about it. At least not that you've shared. My boyfriend has had some issues in that department. He's an extremely sensitive and emotional guy and honestly I'm now confident it was anxiety causing his issue. However, once it became a problem he realized how detrimental it was going to be to us so he started making life modifications to try to change it: he gave up fast food and focused on keeping his blood pressure in a healthy range, he started taking vitamins and an extra vitamin D supplement, he visited a mens clinic to have his testosterone tested. My point is, he was committed to fixing whatever the problem was and I'm glad to say that for at least several months now we haven't had the problem at all.

My concern with your guy is that he's not doing anything to try. It's not enough to just say "sorry, no sex drive!". It's not at all surprising that you're considering other options, but I will caution you that you should do what is right, not just what gives you instant gratification. Cheating is absolutely not the answer. Letting him know that he either seeks professional help for this issue or you're leaving, then sticking to it is the answer.